For the last time, he isn't a zombie. He's a lich.
this post was submitted on 05 Apr 2026
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What if the idea that the Grail grants eternal life is a deliberate spin by the Church to turn it into a holy relic, when it’s true nature is that it is lich Jesus’ phylactery? From King Arthur to the Knights Templar, the quest for the Grail has been dedicated warriors seeking to eradicate his source of seeming eternal life. And it can only be destroyed with the weapon that destroyed his first corporeal form, the Spear of Destiny.
The grail is too obvious of a phylactery. I've always thought that it would be one of the crucifixion nails. It would have been on hand (heh) while performing the lich ritual, there's decoys to make it harder to find and destroy if someone did figure it out, and it's a common enough item to not seem too out of place wherever it ends up.
The heroes finds lich Jesus’ stash of nails, but only one is the true phylactery. The boldest knight smites that which he believes it to be, but nothing happens. Lich Jesus grins wickedly and incinerates the knight with a blast of unholy fire. He glances coyly at the other heroes, “He chose… poorly.”
Ouch! My old calculator ain't got no bow...
Having just returned from playing the piano for the morning Easter service, something tells me I shouldn't be laughing at this.
But I can't help it 😂
“Let’s rape some kids”
– Christianity
Don't forget all the other zombies that were created just a few days before.
Let us see, heaven on Earth? Never happened despite what Jesus said he was the only one to resurrect and even that is suspect. Likely just a story his cultists told.
I guess it was all a lie and Jesus was really a doomsday cultist. I guess it is no surprise because it really was just an amalgamation of other made up religions. Taken by Rome and converted into indoctrination for slavery.