this post was submitted on 08 Jun 2026
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top 14 comments
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[–] velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone 25 points 5 hours ago (4 children)

Sex is one of those activities that should be done solely because all of the people involved want to have sex.

Husbands shouldn’t be rewarded with sex. Sex isn’t something wives give out.

I do hope you have been having fun as a newly married woman and I hope the sex has been good for you!

[–] Gonzako@lemmy.world 3 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

I still don't know how these relationships end up turning like this. I'd be running out the door the first time affection gets locked behind a microtransanction.

PS.: autocomplete did a funny

[–] velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

I still don't know how these relationships end up turning like this.

The overwhelming message from society that women don't enjoy sex and it's only something that men want completely passed you by, hm?

It goes hand in hand with women being taught that our role is to make men happy first and foremost before we ever think about pleasing ourselves.

It turns sex into a tool of the oppressed against the oppressor which taints the beauty that is fully consensual sex.

[–] Gonzako@lemmy.world 3 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

Maybe it did pass me by lol. I grew up a father orphan and my mother once I turned old enough to discuss it made no expense in telling me how much she loved my father.

I did have a partner that didn't know how to masturbate but she thoroughly enjoyed our scenes.

[–] velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah women resort to offering sex to their partners as rewards or to persuade them to be better partners because it's often one of the only leverages we have inside of marriage. It's unhealthy and it's getting better with stronger women's rights, but it makes sense how it happens within the framework of our society.

[–] Gonzako@lemmy.world 2 points 2 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah, this is a dynamic that I don't think has happened on my relationships. i've done changes to accommodate my exes but i've never felt sex was used as leverage.

[–] velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 hours ago* (last edited 2 hours ago) (1 children)

When I was much younger, I definitely would give in to other's wants more easily than I do now and, looking back, I'm aware it was an effort to appease them more than making myself happy. They didn't do anything wrong and neither did I, but if I could go back in time and say "No" instead, I would.

Relationships live in a lot of grey areas. That's great that you're relationships have been on equal footing in this regard :)

[–] Gonzako@lemmy.world 2 points 1 hour ago

Now that you word it like that I can defo see situations wheres this dynamic might have played from her side. But that's what failed loves are also for, learning yourself.

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 4 points 3 hours ago

There's nothing wrong with using sex as a motivator if both parties want to have sex.

[–] MrBackwardsCap@fedinsfw.app 13 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

100 percent

Once sex becomes a 'reward' or a 'prize' for doing things, it becomes less about passion and fun, and a lot more transactional

[–] village604@adultswim.fan 3 points 3 hours ago

They aren't mutually exclusive, though. It's a problem if sex only happens as a reward or prize, for sure, but that's not the only scenario out there.

[–] xkbx@startrek.website 1 points 4 hours ago (1 children)
[–] velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 4 hours ago

Get paid to do what you love and you’ll never work a day in your life ;)

They’re not mutually exclusive lol

[–] MrBackwardsCap@fedinsfw.app 1 points 6 hours ago

👏👏👏👏