this post was submitted on 23 Jan 2024
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[–] Neato@ttrpg.network 94 points 2 years ago (1 children)

"Jesus told us to steal from the poor."

Almost makes me wish heresy was still a thing. =/

It's certainly misrepresentation of a business.

[–] JPAKx4@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 2 years ago

Don't worry, this guy admitted to everything, seeing how "God told me to" isn't a legal defense. God really told you to spend "thousands on home renovations"? Super cool bro

[–] WraithGear@lemmy.world 73 points 2 years ago

Supply side Jesus strikes again.

[–] Darkard@lemmy.world 56 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Oh! OH! The clouds are parting. A beam of light shining down on me. AH! A voice. It calls out to me! It says.... It says you all owe me 200 bucks.

[–] Hotdogman@lemmy.world 17 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I'll send you your 200 deer. Good luck to you.

[–] LostXOR@kbin.social 9 points 2 years ago

Best I can do is 200 rabid wolves.

[–] tsonfeir@lemm.ee 46 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Hearing voices is called schizophrenia

[–] SuckMyWang@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)

TIL my internal monologue is schizophrenia

[–] CodeName@infosec.pub 32 points 2 years ago (1 children)

"We took God at his word and sold a cryptocurrency with no clear exit," Regalado in his video address Friday.

Bahaha. Not only did god tell them to do it, but he might have misled them a little bit about the profitability of the venture. Bad god, bad.

[–] InvisibleShoe@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

He's not the messiah. He's a very naughty boy!

[–] ohlaph@lemmy.world 29 points 2 years ago (1 children)

The lord told the defense attorney to prosecute you, so it balances out.

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 15 points 2 years ago

"I'm playing both sides so that no matter what, I come out on top." - God, probably

[–] Carighan@lemmy.world 28 points 2 years ago

Once again proving that the only problem crypto truly solves is that it was too difficult to efficiently scam people before. 😂

[–] alienanimals@lemmy.world 24 points 2 years ago (2 children)

I think it's time that we church taxes. Literally everyone else has to.

[–] AmidFuror@kbin.social 17 points 2 years ago (2 children)

And if the taxes refuse, then what?

[–] JCreazy@midwest.social 6 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] AmidFuror@kbin.social 8 points 2 years ago

I think most taxes would rather be shut down than churched.

[–] user1234@lemmynsfw.com 1 points 2 years ago

Then we could temple or mosque them.

[–] UltraMagnus0001@lemmy.world 12 points 2 years ago

Evangelicals

[–] dhork@lemmy.world 10 points 2 years ago

In Satoshi We Trust

[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 10 points 2 years ago

My gods tell me to do a lot of stuff. But y'all still got all your blood, don't ya?

Sometimes they're not commandments, just suggestions.

Bad suggestions.

[–] kubica@kbin.social 9 points 2 years ago

I didn't know it was a valid excuse, BRB.

[–] bc1@lemmy.l0l.city 8 points 2 years ago

Is this the wrong spot to announce my ICO?

[–] dukatos@lemm.ee 4 points 2 years ago

God told me to skin you alive.

[–] FanciestPants@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

The ~~Devil~~ Lord made me do it.

[–] Rentlar@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 years ago

Jesus told me there's a free spot on the crucifix for this scammer.

[–] BeautifulMind@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

When churchmen confess their churches are organized crime syndicates