The premise sounded funny until you made it clear you're just being a mean asshole and playing the "it's just a prank bruh" bullshit.
The loser is a superstitious and cowardly in nature
...
No idea if this is the right subreddit but would love some sound eggheads to point me in the right direction.
Towards more DIY guidance, it would help to know your budget, listening environment, goals, cabinet construction knowledge / skill, and how much you want to DIY versus knock down / flat pack designs. Some of the suggested speakers and amps in this thread are just the most generic recommendations for first timers when you may be wanting to jump to something more advanced with higher build quality and/or better fit to your space. Conversely some of the suggestions have cheaper + superior options for most listening spaces (you need a seriously large listening space to benefit from dual 18"s and a Crown amp when a nice 6-8" DIY tapped horn run from a class D amp will be less than the Crown amp alone and sound better). I hate when people get frustrated by "the chase" because they start with something merely ok-ish or not suited to their use case and space.
As far as construction techniques based on what you have mentioned, you can laminate up .25" material to make very good cabinets. An advanced speaker cab maker approach would be to use Decidamp for constrained layer dampening as a 3rd or 4th layer in such a layup. Typical good speaker cabs are at least .5" thick, with .75" on all sides and 1.00" for the front baffle being preferred in most DIY designs and what the designer specifies in the schematic and usual cut sheets.
Circling back to my comment about constrained layer dampening with Decidamp or similar, you could make ~.8" thick walls with 2 conventionally bonded .25" layers (wood glue / PL Premium / contact cement) and another .25" layer bonded on with Decidamp. The Decidamp properly applied will add a bit of total thickness. The other nice thing that a laminated + laser cut panel would lend is doing very precise double rabbet joinery of completed side panels to other panels. Note that the constraining layer in constrained layer dampening should not be glued to adjacent panels for other sides and should "float" with the Decidamp or similar holding it to the base panel (i.e. not part of a rabbet joint).
As far as material selection goes, Baltic Birch and marine cabinet grade plywoods are the gold standard for speaker cabinets followed by other hardwood cored cabinet grade plywoods. The number of plys and core type is the most important quality factor here. Construction plywood and MDF are generally in the same category with the grade of the plywood -- core and voids being what puts various construction plys better or worse than MDF.
It's a pretty good rule of thumb that if the DIY comes from monetized YT channels, it's really just an ad sponsored by the components vendors.
I wouldn't build any of Toids designs for music listening. Some of his HT stuff is probably just ok, but not worth the $20 for plans plus the usually high components cost relative to performance.
Heck $20 for simple bass reflex and passive radiator box plans is pretty much a rip off there alone being simple empty boxes of simple rectangular dimensions and a crossover spec sheet. I have way more respect for people selling flatpacks their CNC router made while they were sleeping.
Damn, those Jantzen foil caps cost a fortune at that size. There's so much copper on that board that three different methheads have tried to steal OP's post.
Is this for a 3 or 4-way speaker? As others mentioned, you can break the board into more than one piece by driver. You know which components are for which driver by the outputs, but also generally, there should be segments of the individual networks with one pair of wires from the up / downstream network in and one pair out to a driver.
Since you know where the connections and components connect to each other, you can untangle networks and spread / split the board with some alligator wires to visualize it better. Get some of these: https://www.amazon.com/WGGE-WG-026-Pieces-Colors-Alligator/dp/B06XX25HFX/ and start stretching things across a table. Color coding helps. Use a single wire of a specific color to symbolize each of the drivers and input rails. Also the boots are removeable / swappable and take well to sharpies, so you can mark polarity.
You best bet is to invest in buying / building custom stands to hold that speaker at your desired height over your desk.
The woofers will need the same volume of space either way to play according to spec. The tweeters probably don't get low enough to hide the woofers (more likely mid-full rangers) in a separate enclosure without some serious loss of mid-range from the woofers and bad directionality. While the home theater standard is satellites (tweeters / mids) playing down to 60-120 Hz with the THX standard requiring 80 Hz or lower, nearfield PC speakers can get away with 150-200 Hz as the low knee on the satellites without upper bass being too thin due to directionality from the separate sub.
It is unlikely you can fabricate an enclosure or set of enclosures that will sound better than the carefully designed one for those drivers. Just about every boombox and portable speaker is very cheap drivers with a very specific enclosure, DSP, and target listening volume. This is why so many cheap speakers and most boomboxes and outdoor speakers sound like ass at low listening volume levels. Heck, even a lot of the cheaper Dayton stuff even sounds like crap at low-mid volume or nearfield use.
As for the DSP, even with experience with DSPs and identified components, it's unlikely many would be able to reprogram it to re-balance for a different set of enclosures. With no experience with electronics I am going to outright say it is not going to happen, especially if you are asking basic questions without enough research and knowledge to be past those questions. The DSP is programmed against the drivers, enclosure, amp, and use case requirements and limits. It's not a chip that automagically fixes all that stuff.