LEONHART

Oh my God, why did I come to this party, I don't know anyone here except Matt from work and I don't even know him that well, I just didn't have plans for tonight so I came, oh my God, this is so awkward, I was hoping there'd be another dinosaur here to talk to, I'm the only dinosaur and nobody's acknowledged that but I can TELL they're all thinking about it, why did I do this, I knew this was a possibility, dude, what is wrong with me...

Damn, beat me to it.

"I don't think 22 minutes is so bad."

"NOT SO BAD?!? THAT'S A WHOLE EPISODE OF SEINFELD! IT TAKES US A WHOLE EPISODE OF SEIN-FUCKIN-FELD TO ROB A BANK!"

The one "sad" towards the end really sells it.

I've been using VR lately for this purpose. Surprisingly effective.

I dunno. Just helps to isekai myself to a different plane of existence for a little while.

I honestly think this makes a pretty good fit.

Castlevania's flashy, ornate aesthetic and over-the-top dramatics could transition nicely to the stage.

Like, imagine the WHAT IS A MAN monologue being belted out from centerstage under a spotlight and accompanied by organ music.

Flanders's breakdown is the most earned and satisfying character moment in television history.

This is the kind of magazine page that 90s-kid-me would stare at for hours fantasizing over. Even looking at it now, it's surprisingly easy for me to ignore the objective technical limitations and get hyped.

Side note: can we talk about that 1ST PC GUN on the mid-left there? Dude...

"I am inventing electricity...and you look like an ASSHOLE."

We can only hope it will take us far away from that mucky-muck, man.

And so few good ones...

Ugh. Personal memory unlocked.

Years ago, when I was teaching English Lit, I was doing a whole short fiction unit on Bradbury. A terrible, TERRIBLE adaptation of "A Sound of Thunder" had just been dumped on DVD. I hadn't watched it, but I used to screen films for my classes after teaching the texts they were adapted from. 9 times out of 10, the films were garbage, but it was an interesting way to study adaptation.

So I grabbed the dvd. And watched it for the first time alongside my students and had to physically hold in my anger. Guys, it's that bad.

The best part was reading my students' papers on the adaptation, which were mostly on the lines of "why is this a thing that exists" and "how can cgi dinosaurs look this bad" and "this movie has baboonlizards, why does this story need baboonlizards" and so on.

Of course, being a classroom, there was still the requisite one or two responses of "I liked the movie better than the story because it was a movie and I didn't have to read."

But yeah, don't watch "A Sound of Thunder." And if you do, go back in time and prevent yourself from doing it. It's that important.

That's Kotaku for you.