MadgePickles

Instagram reel transcript: "So you know how autistic people just talk and we literally mean like exactly what we say?"

"So like I realized that when I'm talking to a neurotypical person, even when I'm saying exactly what I'm saying, they're looking for like, the meeting underneath it, which is nothing."

"So the other day at work...I had a feedback session and one of the things they told me was that my communication wasn't clear... And their example was I asked 'What is so-and-so's job?' And she said, 'I knew exactly what you meant. I knew that you meant, 'She's not pulling her weight. Why is she on the team? Why haven't you fired her yet?"

"And I was like, hold up. I asked about her job was because I didn't know what her job was and I wanted you to tell me what her job was. And she was like, 'Oh. Well, that wasn't clear and you should really give more context when you ask a question.' And I was like, 'Okay..?? so...'I don't know what her job is...What is.. her.. job?"

Link to an Instagram reel Audio "I will grow under any conditions" Text "Me before I unmasked, working myself to what looks like irreversible ASD burnout"

Audio "I'm allergic to tap water" Text "Me after unmasking and learning how real skill regression is"

Image text: @agnieszkasshoes: "Part of what makes small talk so utterly debilitating for many of us who are neurodivergent is that having to smile and lie in answer to questions like, "how are you?" is exhausting to do even once, and society makes us do it countless times a day."

@LuckyHarmsGG: "It's not just the lie, it's the energy it takes to suppress the impulse to answer honestly, analyze whether the other person wants the truth, realize they almost certainly don't, and then have to make the DECISION to lie, every single time. Over and over. Decision fatigue is real"

@agnieszkasshoes: "Yes! The constant calculations are utterly exhausting - and all under the pressure of knowing that if you get it "wrong" you will be judged for it!"

My addition: For me, in addition to this, more specifically it's the energy to pull up that info and analyze how I am. Like I don't know the answer to that question and that's why it's so annoying. Now I need to analyze my day, decide what parts mean what to me and weigh the average basically, and then decide if that's appropriate to share/if the person really wants to hear the truth of that, then pull up my files of pre-prepared phrases for the question that fits most closely with the truth since not answering truthfully is close to impossible for me.

https://www.instagram.com/p/CvPSP-2xU4h/?igshid=MzRlODBiNWFlZA==

I've had this question in my brain for weeks and I don't know where to put it. I guess I chose here because maybe someone else has had this same question and found answers. Maybe it's a stupid question actually.

But what is it like to be Neurotypical?

I am not confident I have known a single Neurotypical person, at least not well. They are apparently the vast majority of people, but I think everyone I've ever been close to was ND. As a late diagnosed AuDHD person, I find myself now analyzing every human I interact with trying to figure out how they are different than me, or how they are similar. I feel like I see the ghost of Neurodivergence in everyone and can't recognize neurotypicality when I see it.

What are the signs and symptoms of neurotypicality?

Reading is hard. I often want articles and PDFs for work to be read aloud while I'm doing something else. Anyone have any Android apps for this?

I'm paying for the low deductible insurance at my company (higher cost, supposed to be better benefits). I made an appointment for diagnostic assessment at the beginning of the year, their next available appointment was SEPTEMBER 30. They called me yesterday with the estimated cost to me after insurance (I mean nice that they do that but you'll see why...) It's going to cost me $800.

Yeah ok. Guess I'll just remain self-diagnosed.

I need to eat something or there will be Consequences™ but the Good Foods© are now Bad. 😭 Safe food limbo is my deepest fear

I have meetings all day today starting right off the bat at 9am. The anticipatory stress of that made it difficult to wake up this morning and have me a bit of a migraine so I took my time this morning and made sure to eat a hearty but comforting breakfast and took my supplements and drank a half liter of water. I took a shower to feel refreshed and swept my floor so I can feel clean and not overstimulated by any little grit on the floor. I've shut all the curtains as it's very hot already, and put on the ac and a quiet fan so I have some nice airflow, and I've got on my favorite comfortable lightweight clothing. I've taken Excedrin and a tums and washed the couple dishes in the sink and wiped and tidied the counters so I don't get overstimulated by a messy kitchen when I take a break later.

I've also informed my meeting mates that I have a bit of a headache so I'll be keeping my camera off today (no client meetings thank God) and everyone was totally nbd about it (I love my coworkers!). This helped keep me from having to visually mask my facial expressions and have to worry about if I look right, so I only have to mask my vocalizations.

I use Google recorder app mostly just for the live transcription so I can easily refer back to what was said if my auditory processing delays cause me to miss something, but it also reduces my anxiety knowing I can always go back and listen or read the text of the meeting if I need to (I never have lol). I've also stopped the flow of conversation when an action item for myself was mentioned to say "ok hold on I'm writing this down" and even said it out loud as im writing to fill the silence and help me not forget, no one has ever made me feel weird or bad for doing that. I write these on sticky notes and keep them in front of my keyboard until they are completed or transferred to my bigger longer term to do list as needed so I don't forget them or get lost on a bigger to do list if they are more immediate action.

During the meeting I actually tried closing my eyes and visualizing the discussion in my head (this worked because it was a schedule meeting so I was visualizing a calendar and didn't need to look at the screen, not sure if this would work in other contexts). Doing this and pressing on my eyes as a bit of a massage helped reduce the headache a little and I'm hoping helped prevent eye strain moving forward. Going to keep doing this in my next meeting as much as possible.

I'm between meetings right now so I'm turned away from the computer and put my feet up to relax a few minutes, deep breathing slowly, and writing this to take a mental break. I actually got up after that sentence and did a couple physical movement things: I brushed my cat the way she likes (reduces hairballs!) And took a quick walk in my garden to deadhead some flowers and refill the birdbath, then I refilled my water bottle with fresh cold water and washed my hands and threw some cold water on my face bc it makes me feel clean and refreshed like I'm starting anew, then I put a little of my favorite scented lotion on which makes breathing feel sparkly which is a texture I like a lot.

Now I'm seated back at my desk with 5 minutes to mentally check back in, deep breathing slowly and I'm ready to dive back in, feeling pretty good.

How about you?