There is a really cool motivational speaker that talked about how people have the idea that “success will lead to happiness,” but it’s actually the opposite, “happiness fuels success.” That doesn’t necessarily mean more money, but he said people that can find happiness around them instead of waiting for it are more fufilled. What I took away is that it’s good practice to dig deep and think about the good things in our lives instead of waiting for X to happen to be happy. It’s difficult to explain, but I think he means not to put the control of our fulfillment with an external factor (job, money, etc). I think where people get sucked in is a little success gives you that high for a while, until they need to find another success, and keep needing to fuel that happiness machine.
loopy
That must have been a cool experience. There was/is an r/iwantout that was nice to get some local experience of some expats. I’m sure every place has its pros and cons. Id love to visit more places and get a feel for the culture and lifestyles.
But I agree, making time for just doing something that give you that spark of joy is pretty important. It seems too easy to get sucked into the cycle of bills, life tasks, credit, etc. Does anyone think of that on their deathbed? From I gather, people think of the important people and experiences they have had.
The seller has high ratings. I guess I’ll just try messaging them for an answer and leave a review about my experience if they don’t respond. I had some bad experiences with eBay in the past and seemed to have gotten better, but this makes me a bit more hesitant again.
It’s a vintage woodworking tool and semi-difficult to find. There are new ones available but are double the price. I’ll just have to try to find another one from a different seller, but I’m kind of upset because I thought it was a done deal.
Thanks for leading a support group. I love to see more options for people to get support through the human experiences.
I did not realize there is the distinction of Complex PTSD. From reading the description, I would have just lumped them together. For those who aren’t aware like I was, the ICD recognizes CPSTD but the DSM does not yet. This is a pretty in-depth description: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7919312/
It sounds like you put yourself out there a couple of times and that takes guts. Truth is, we never really know how a risk is going to go, but if we never take risks, then we don’t progress very far either. From your verbiage it seems like you have low self confidence/worth. Give yourself some credit. Take some time to write down some things about yourself that are pretty cool. You’re a parent and sounds like you care about your kid, you care enough about yourself to ask for other support, you can cook and play chess, you have a job. These are not all givens. You own those things and I’m betting much more too.
As far as the romance situation, just from my own experience, I found myself asking out women that were “convenient.” Coworkers, people from high school, etc. Once I focused more on myself and stopped caring as much for a relationship did I ironically find more options. If you get involved in things you enjoy, there will be a much greater chance of finding someone that you click with. Join a chess club, do a yoga session at a fitness place, or even try something you’ve never done before. Try a cheap introductory dance lesson.
Just my opinions, take with a grain of salt. Best of luck with everything.
I’m glad that works for you. I’ve noticed running gives me more energy and puts me in a much better mood. The hardest part was starting. So I enrolled with a personal trainer so I would follow through. If I didn’t care about myself I weirdly cared more that I was inconveniencing someone else and that little social contract forced me to show up and start.
Man, that’s a tough one. Like someone mentioned, that’s really a philosophical question. I’m not sure what you mean by “gain more traction.” Do you mean that people will care more? And I guess I would argue that there is generally not “a society that continually endeavors to divide.” Humans are social beings and have survived this long partially because of that. But if you look at news, social media, etc it does look like the world is going to shit.
Everyone experiences depression a little differently, but when I had my attempt and looked back after the fact, the biggest contributing factors were a lack of purpose and lack of human connection support. Things did not change until I met someone that would come to mean a lot to me. I got a different job and different friends that gave a shit. I don’t know you, but I give a shit about you. And I’m willing to bet there are some people that would like to get to know you and give a shit about you too.
You’re the only one that can convince yourself that life is worth living. And I would start with not looking at reasons not to die, but reasons to live. Even the smallest of reason. Use that as motivation to change your environment. This may sound dumb or cliche, but join literally any club. Having that connection can make a difference. Try. Is there any risk in not?
That being said, obligatory recommendation to dial 988 in the US. Maybe there’s a person that can talk with you about those difficult to answer questions. Hell, call more than once and see what the second person’s view is, maybe it’s better.
So it’s not a given “fact” that you’re facing in thinking that there isn’t anything that’s worth it, it’s a very really state of being. But states can change. Feel free to message me if you’d like; even just to unload some BS.
I had a similar experience. The sertraline helped with anxiety/depression but did lower libido. Finding alternative strategies for the anxious or depressive moments and weaning off the sertraline helped in the long-run. I think using a counselor to dive more into understanding why you feel anxious or depressed in that moment could be helpful to finding a strategy without medication (or at least as much) if they’re having unwanted effects.
For instance, I had pretty bad anxiety when I people whispering. It made me think they were talking badly about me and I felt bad about myself. I eventually realized with a counselor that had low self confidence and reminded myself of the mantras that helped me through that specific moment. “They probably have a million other things to talk about other than you. What they’re saying is not meant for your ears. And even if they are, they’re opinion has no bearing on your worth as a person.”
I don’t disagree with what others are saying but I want to add another perspective. Speaking from personal experience, I sought the approval of many girlfriends because I didn’t get approval from my mother. As cliché as it was, after making that realization it became more apparent that I had very little self worth.
If your friend is anything like me in this scenario, it might be better to not focus on the girlfriend situation and focus more on him. What is good at? What makes him unique? And above all, give the reassurance that, “Your worth is not dependent on other people’s opinions.” If I had someone tell me that earlier, it might have saved me some grief. But people cannot forced to be changed, so you can give that advice, and he might continue doing what he is doing. But hopefully it plants the seed for later introspection.
I’m sad to hear that had to happen to you but from the sounds of it, you were fortunate enough to have a graceful passing with her. Do you have someone that you talk with?
I’m doing okay overall. My new job is neat but overwhelming to learn. I was lucky enough to take a trip to a beachside state and it really made me reevaluate my entire life like every day haha. It got me really into the Blue Zones books again, and now I see that there is a video documentary series. It has slowly become more clear to me the the US (among other countries) have an out of whack work/life balance expectation and the many of major mental health issues we are faced with is due to this. I’m on a journey to keep trying to find that balance and ask what I really need in life. The most consistent things I notice from the Blue Zones are a sense of community and a sense of purpose, which help the people not have less stress, but rather experience stress in a more tolerable and productive way.
That, and I’m learning how to play pickleball.
For me it was ironically a theoretical physics video that made a religious belief really make sense. It was a video explaining how we can conceptualize 11 dimensions that would be possible on the information we collectively know now as humans. The way it made me really think about how truly expansive space and time are really made me think that “that’s not impossible to think that there is a 11th dimension being that has some agenda that we cannot understand.”
I imagine it’s like a child trying to understand something beyond their comprehension but it doesn’t change how true it is, like “brush your teeth because it lowers your risk of gums bleeding and leaking bacteria into your bloodstream and eventually causing vegetative infective endocarditis.” They’re just not going to understand that yet, but still reap the benefits later if they brush their teeth. I think it’s much easier and safer for the kid to say, “I’m just not going to brush my teeth.”
Bottom line is, I think that’s why it’s called faith, because it’s just not definitively provable or disprovable. I have personally had many tangible positive benefits in my life from having a faith but don’t think that should be forced upon anyone.
And I know many people in western cultures equate religion to Christianity, but just a quick reminder that there are many many faith systems that exist in the world.