Did any of you grow up in a toxic or unstable home as a kid? How did you actually deal with it, or move past it?
Looking back, home wasn't calm growing up. Constant fighting between my parents, things a kid shouldn't really be exposed to. I don't even fully know whose fault it is, honestly, and part of me hesitates to blame either of them completely, because I've also watched both of them work hard for me despite everything falling apart between them. That contradiction is confusing on its own, seeing people cause you pain and also genuinely try for you at the same time. I've started noticing it in myself now, more impatience than I think I should have, reacting harder to small things than the situation probably calls for. It's like some of that environment got wired into me without me even realizing it until recently.
I'm not asking for sympathy, I'm asking because I know I'm not the only one who's grown up like this, and I'd genuinely like to know how people actually worked through it, not just survived it, but actually became calmer, steadier versions of themselves afterward.
A few things I'm curious about:
Did you notice the effects on yourself right away, or did it take years to even recognize the pattern?
Was there a specific turning point, therapy, a relationship, distance from the situation, or was it more gradual than that?
Does it ever fully go away, or does it just become something you manage better over time?
Genuinely trying to understand this instead of just carrying it forward without realizing it. Appreciate any real experiences you're willing to share.
[[[[Sometimes I catch myself wondering what it would've actually felt like to grow up in a genuinely happy, peaceful family. Hard to even imagine it sometimes, since it's not something I ever really got to experience firsthand._]]]]
To this day, after 30 years, I shy away from relationships. As you did, I grew up with parents fighting, accusations of cheating, tension in the air, picking up the pieces and comforting a parent as a child. I found that I prefer to be alone, not to talk too much, and generally fade into the background. Relationships, especially romantic ones, scare me as I don't know if I'll run into the same problem my parents did so I never searched for a romantic one. I don't know if I'll be the one making the accusations. I generally think I'm chill and trusting, but I'm scared that the cycle will continue with me and my mind will go to stupid places and I'll create a relationship not built on trust and love, but suspicion, deciept, and lies. So, now I make a conscious effort to not allow those thoughts to enter. I build every relationship I have, only friendships, on mutual respect for one another and caring for each other. I don't want to be the accuser in a relationship and repeat the cycle, so I try to be the best friend I can be.