Ask Lemmy

Yeah I’ve had a similar experience, when I was in my early 20s, and have since chosen to accept missing the train or whatever is the reason I’d need to hurry, so as not to scare someone that bad. Jesus it’s awkward and it’s entirely understandable, but man does it get me questioning whether I look scary or weird or do I seem suspicious and has been a constant source of anxiety ever since. But I’ve realized it’s my job in that situation to clearly signal I’m not a threat, and I’ve chosen to do it just by slowing down myself so the distance grows and I become no threat to them (feels so bad to think of one’s self this way by the way, fuck me, but what can you do?) or alternatively if there’s a detour I could take to still catch the train as in your example, I’d rather go to another block and jog if nobody’s there and not miss the train. Either way, if I’m perceived a threat, there’s nothing in the moment that can be done about that other than no longer be perceived one, i.e stall or reroute away.

This only ever happens in dark, at night, and them likely drunk or tired, so it’s entirely understandable. I’d be fucking anxious too if someone bigger than me started speeding up on me. I have the privilege not to be scared this way due to my physique, so I also have to respect it the other way around too.

It’s so easy to go with the gut reaction of “this is disrespectful” without considering the scenario from a third person you know? I think this is where most end up in and start thinking “you can’t do or say anything anymore” and become either incels or too fucking loud magas or equivalents, because it is kind of hard on self confidence to be in that situation. But it’s always going to be worse for the other, they might fear for their life, and rightly so, so there’s no comparison there once you actually start thinking and exercising your empathy. So if you manage to get past the initial feeling of disrespect, frustration and self-doubt, then this is a real non-issue. And something very small to avoid and handle properly in the moment.

But if you don’t get past it, or lack the empathy to see it from others’ pov, well, you end up a shithead basically, coping unhealthily with that and it might even grow as large to be the whole identity ultimately.

Just rambling here I suppose, sorry to hog all the space, felt like I needed to let that out. I’ve had some friends go with the disrespect and self image and confidence shattering effect that I’ve helped get past it and see it objectively, and I just can’t help but think of everyone who doesnt have the help nor the inner capability, and stray from the sensible and humane path due to something so small as this.