this post was submitted on 06 Sep 2024
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And he didnt rape her which is more important than the cheating.
how would he be raping her anyway? she was the one trying to force him to have sex with her even after he made it clear he didn't want to
Drunk people and consent is a moral and legal gray area - it doesn’t matter if they initiate
Depends how drunk
Yeah, sure. But since she already threw up, she's drunk enough to make it problematic.
It also depends on what is being consented to. We accept that drunk people can consent to commit crimes, but that they cannot consent to have sex.
If drunk people couldn't consent as a rule then like 80% of Finnish one night stands would be double rapes (since both are getting raped by the other party) lol
And the old "I cheated on you because I was drunk". It's not so heartwarming that people here are belittling rape with what would be considered negligent sexual assault at the worst.
I'm going to give a longer explanation than was already given.
So, imagine yourself at a hospital. You're about to have a minor surgery, and get knocked out. While you're under, some nurse comes in and fucks you in the ass.
Is that rape?
Switch things up. You're at a bar, having a good time, someone slips something in your drink. While you're under the influence of that hit of whatever, they take you into the bathroom and fuck you in the ass, and you agreed to that, you may even like it.
Is that rape?
On a fundamental level, if someone is visibly drunk, or even olfactorily drunk (meaning your can smell the booze on them), they are in a state of mind that is the same as being drugged. It doesn't matter if they are initiating contact, they are unable to give meaningful consent.
Now, if you want to argue we need another term instead of rape, I'm okay with that. We can call it whatever. But we have statutory rape already, which exists because we recognize that even when someone is the initiator, there are states of mind and being that simply can't make a choice to have sex in a meaningful way. So using the term rape for violating meaningful consent is fine, even when it's an adult, and even when they initiate.
I am also aware that there are edge cases where consenting before consuming a substance could/should count as meaningful consent. And I'm aware that there is a range of inebriation where meaningful consent is still possible. However it is nearly impossible to tell without testing what a person's blood alcohol level is, so we're limited. That in turn means that the standard for (at least colloquial usage) what is and isn't inebriated rape has to be broader than it would be if we had reliable testing on the fly.
I also agree with your point that she was ignoring consent, and being an absolutely horrible person, and if she had persisted by force or coercion and he had given in, I wouldn't accept her being drunk as a defense against any charges brought.
But there's a fundamental inability to consent when drunk. How drunk? That's something that would need to be addressed by medical science and then legislated. What's the maximum BAC someone can give meaningful consent for other things? But that fact is there, that alcohol serves to break down the ability to consent, and sex without consent is considered rape, on at least a colloquial level, if not always on a legal level everywhere.
I want to point out two things
1: She threw up, assuming she doesn't have a pocket dimension in her throat she likely threw up most of the alcohol.
2: OP was almost certainly drinking. OP makes no mention of throwing up. We can pretty safely assume OP is also drunk, and likely has more alcohol still in his system than her.
Seems like a lot of people ITT think that consent is a one way street. He said no and was drunk, she pushed. We can at the very least admit that she sexually assaulted him, and if you think otherwise you need to rethink some things.
I already replied to your similar comment on my thread, but I'm going to repeat myself here to give this maximum visibility; vomiting does not remove alcohol from your system. You become intoxicated not when you swallow alcohol, but when the alcohol in your stomach is metabolized and enters your blood stream. If you are vomiting from alcohol, it means your body has metabolized so much alcohol that it has recognized that it is being poisoned. It is purging your stomach to prevent you from metabolizing any more poison, but it is not removing any alcohol from your system (AKA your bloodstream). Someone is just as drunk just before they threw as they were after they threw up. That person will only become sober once their liver has had time to filter the alcohol out of their system.
Since OP is not throwing up, but the girl in his story is, it is far, far more likely that she is much drunker than him. Unless he had other symptoms of alcohol poisoning (and it seems like he would have mentioned that), it is safe to assume that her BAC is much higher than his. More broadly, you should never think that someone vomiting up alcohol is a sign that they are sobering up.