Cheating on her boyfriend with you will end in cheating on you with a new guy.
He dd the right thing, no regrets. It sucks a lot tho, and it's hard.
this post was submitted on 06 Sep 2024
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And he didnt rape her which is more important than the cheating.
how would he be raping her anyway? she was the one trying to force him to have sex with her even after he made it clear he didn't want to
I'm going to give a longer explanation than was already given.
So, imagine yourself at a hospital. You're about to have a minor surgery, and get knocked out. While you're under, some nurse comes in and fucks you in the ass.
Is that rape?
Switch things up. You're at a bar, having a good time, someone slips something in your drink. While you're under the influence of that hit of whatever, they take you into the bathroom and fuck you in the ass, and you agreed to that, you may even like it.
Is that rape?
On a fundamental level, if someone is visibly drunk, or even olfactorily drunk (meaning your can smell the booze on them), they are in a state of mind that is the same as being drugged. It doesn't matter if they are initiating contact, they are unable to give meaningful consent.
Now, if you want to argue we need another term instead of rape, I'm okay with that. We can call it whatever. But we have statutory rape already, which exists because we recognize that even when someone is the initiator, there are states of mind and being that simply can't make a choice to have sex in a meaningful way. So using the term rape for violating meaningful consent is fine, even when it's an adult, and even when they initiate.
I am also aware that there are edge cases where consenting before consuming a substance could/should count as meaningful consent. And I'm aware that there is a range of inebriation where meaningful consent is still possible. However it is nearly impossible to tell without testing what a person's blood alcohol level is, so we're limited. That in turn means that the standard for (at least colloquial usage) what is and isn't inebriated rape has to be broader than it would be if we had reliable testing on the fly.
I also agree with your point that she was ignoring consent, and being an absolutely horrible person, and if she had persisted by force or coercion and he had given in, I wouldn't accept her being drunk as a defense against any charges brought.
But there's a fundamental inability to consent when drunk. How drunk? That's something that would need to be addressed by medical science and then legislated. What's the maximum BAC someone can give meaningful consent for other things? But that fact is there, that alcohol serves to break down the ability to consent, and sex without consent is considered rape, on at least a colloquial level, if not always on a legal level everywhere.
I want to point out two things
1: She threw up, assuming she doesn't have a pocket dimension in her throat she likely threw up most of the alcohol.
2: OP was almost certainly drinking. OP makes no mention of throwing up. We can pretty safely assume OP is also drunk, and likely has more alcohol still in his system than her.
Seems like a lot of people ITT think that consent is a one way street. He said no and was drunk, she pushed. We can at the very least admit that she sexually assaulted him, and if you think otherwise you need to rethink some things.
I already replied to your similar comment on my thread, but I'm going to repeat myself here to give this maximum visibility; vomiting does not remove alcohol from your system. You become intoxicated not when you swallow alcohol, but when the alcohol in your stomach is metabolized and enters your blood stream. If you are vomiting from alcohol, it means your body has metabolized so much alcohol that it has recognized that it is being poisoned. It is purging your stomach to prevent you from metabolizing any more poison, but it is not removing any alcohol from your system (AKA your bloodstream). Someone is just as drunk just before they threw as they were after they threw up. That person will only become sober once their liver has had time to filter the alcohol out of their system.
Since OP is not throwing up, but the girl in his story is, it is far, far more likely that she is much drunker than him. Unless he had other symptoms of alcohol poisoning (and it seems like he would have mentioned that), it is safe to assume that her BAC is much higher than his. More broadly, you should never think that someone vomiting up alcohol is a sign that they are sobering up.
Drunk people and consent is a moral and legal gray area - it doesn’t matter if they initiate
Depends how drunk
Yeah, sure. But since she already threw up, she's drunk enough to make it problematic.
It also depends on what is being consented to. We accept that drunk people can consent to commit crimes, but that they cannot consent to have sex.
If drunk people couldn't consent as a rule then like 80% of Finnish one night stands would be double rapes (since both are getting raped by the other party) lol
And the old "I cheated on you because I was drunk". It's not so heartwarming that people here are belittling rape with what would be considered negligent sexual assault at the worst.
Laaame. You don't know their situation, seriousness, or arrangements. Fuck around. Fuck as many people as you'd like. You only live once, and your junk stops working once you've figured it all out.
That's rape apology right there
ITT: The top regarded minds of Lemmy argue their shitty opinions on consent and rape
Abandon all hope ye who enter
My dumb ass was expecting her to pass out and anon grilling everything in the fridge.
That would be an absolute alpha move.
Anon is a good person
He earned extra tendies.
"It wouldn't be right to rape you, you have a boyfriend," is about what I expect from a 4Channer.
EDIT: Holy fuck Lemmy, this comment section is a dumpster fire. First, to all the people saying he did reject her because she was drunk, not because she has a boyfriend, there's no evidence of that; he stated twice that it was wrong because she had a boyfriend, and zero times that it was wrong because she was drunk. But whatever, if you want to believe that, whatever, I'm done arguing over your fan fiction.
But here are some things that are 100% facts that some of you need to understand:
- If someone is throwing up, they are too drunk to consent to sex.
- If you are not throwing up, you are almost certainly not as drunk as someone who is throwing up. The person vomiting has alcohol poisoning, and unless you also have symptoms of alcohol poisoning, you are more sober than them.
- Vomiting does not remove alcohol from your system. Intoxication occurs when alcohol enters your bloodstream. Vomiting will prevent further alcohol from entering your bloodstream, but it will not remove any alcohol from your bloodstream, and you'll be just as drunk as you were before you vomited.
- If the OP had sex with the girl in this story, it would have been rape. She was far too drunk to give consent, and based on his telling, he was not. Clearly, some of you feel differently, but your shitty opinions on consent don't change the fact that legally, it would have been rape.
If you were in that situation, would you say "no, I would be raping you"? The boyfriend excuse is a much more tactful way to get yourself out of the situation (as well as a good enough reason in its own right).
No it's not. "Hey, I really like you, but you've had too much to drink and this wouldn't be right. If you feel this way tomorrow, let me know," is a perfectly acceptable answer. Hell, I've given that answer before. It's certainly not less tactful than, "You have a boyfriend and what you're doing is wrong." And yeah, cheating on your boyfriend is bad, but not as bad as rape, which this would have been.
Keep in mind, you're telling this to a blackout horny drunk person. In honesty, it doesn't matter what you actually say.
OK, so if it doesn't matter what he said, why lie? You're kinda invalidating your initial point here.
Well, okay, the drunk person will still react to what you say; they just won't remember. Having a gracious exit to the situation is preferable to, say, "OH MY GOD THERE'S AN AXE MURDERER BEHIND YOU" and running away when they turn around.
I began with 'have some tact' after all.
So you're shitting on them for doing the right thing? Or am I misinterpreting
The last temptation is the greatest treason / to do the right deed, for the wrong reason
Wrong as fuck she is not too drunk to consent what the fuck lol
LOL, exactly the shit I'm talking about. Imagine thinking it's OK to have sex with a girl who just drank so much she puked. I thought thinking like this died out in the 80s, but i guess the kids are back on date rape.
or I'm an adult I've drank and live in the real world not the Internet like this fuckin opinion. Throwing up from drinking doesn't indicate intoxication level, they pregamed she drank too fast and then tried to have sex with him.
Her trying to have sex with him says she's not too drunk. Like what the fuck? I've thrown up from a single shot of tequila because it doesn't sit well with me, if I mix too much sugar and alcohol I'll puke. Am I too drunk to consent off one shot of tequila? Grow up
LOL, you're not an adult. Adults don't throw up from drinking.
Are you 12?
Buddy, I'm 100% older than you. That's why I don't say shit like, "pre-game," or throw up because I drank a shot when I had too much sugar in my tummy. I'm going to give you two pieces of advice, as someone who's probably tended bar longer than you've been allowed to drink: 1) Learn to hold your liquor before your 30, because this shit stops being cute real quick and 2) don't have sex with anyone that's thrown up, because they're too drunk to consent (except on the very rare occasion that they drank too much sugar and upset their wittle tum-tum).
This is the most arrogant and out of touch comment ever holy fuck lol
Get a life kid
LOL, well, if it seems like I'm being condescending, it's because I absolutely am. You've got a poorer understanding of alcohol than the average college freshman, and you jumped into my comments to defend date rape. Condescension is the nicest reaction you get after that. If you don't like being talked down to, trying growing the fuck up.