Ask Lemmy

Met a woman on OKCupid back in like 2014. We seemed to hit it off, so we agreed to a mall date since we were both broke (she was a college student, I was a youngster in the military). We were gonna get food and just kinda walk around and window shop and talk. Gonna try to keep this short, but a lot happened:

1. Had me pick her up from her dorm, went up to the dorm, her roommates were drinking even though everyone was underage, and they're thanking her for having mom get it for her. She's super nice about it, but proceeds to complain the entire drive and start getting emotional because she hates that they drink when they're underage, etc. Yet... She provides it...

2. She doesn't eat when we get to the mall, and instead spends the whole time I'm eating, talking. No breaks for me to respond, just keeps going.

3. We start walking around the mall, and she starts randomly pinching me. Like, painfully, randomly pinching me in my arms and torso. I'm finally like wtf is with the pinching, and she says that she was doing it because I wasn't holding her hand while we walked around... We just met, and the vibe is already pretty crap, and how in any way is that a way to communicate...

4. We finally leave and get back to her dorm, I walk her to her door, and I'm invited in by her/the roommates. Fine, I decline drinking because I'm a good sailor, but my date and I exchange some pleasantries with the roommates and then head to her room. It's basically just a bed, I think maybe she was just super nervous at the mall and being in her own environment she'll relax.

5. We're just chatting, and the pinching starts again, and she's kinda just going for it with no breaks. I'm getting pissed and finally grab her wrists and tell her to stop, and she bit me. On the chest, like, hard, not a romantic playful lil love bite. I'm, again, taken aback and am like, wtf?!?

6. She starts giggling and tells me that that's how women tell guys that want to make out/get intimate. What?! No, not how that works, at all... Especially not on a first date. But, fine, I tell her she can just ask, figuring she just wants to make out.

7. After a little while making out, the pinching starts again, and apparently this time it's how women say they want to have sex. I wasn't so turned off, it just didn't happen, like, at all.

8. She walked me back to my car, and I drove her back to her buildings door, and she bursts into tears about her roommates and the drinking again, I console her enough for her to feel better and go back to her room. Say goodnight, and she just sits there staring at me. I'm kinda done at this point and just ask what, and I get, "No kiss?" Fine...

9. Get a text while I'm driving home telling me it was one of the best dates of her life, she really hopes we can see each other again soon, she really liked me and was attracted to me, etc. I respectfully declined, and when she wouldn't just take that as an answer, I sent her a text essay outlining basically all of the above, and I honestly can't remember if she responded.

Honestly, she wasn't a bad person, and maybe at different stages in our lives things could've gone better... But she had a lot going on and a lot of life to live and learn from, and I wasn't up for the ride. Hope she's doing well, if she sees this and recognizes it, and that she stopped using pinching as a means of communication.

Oh, and to illustrate how hard the pinching/bite were, I had dime sized bruises all over my arms and torso the next day, and a bite mark bruise on my chest.