this post was submitted on 05 Oct 2024
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When Sarah Harris went in for surgery to remove her wisdom teeth in the summer of 2020, she must have thought she was in good hands. The oral surgeon she chose, Dr. James Ryan, had years of training, a good reputation and a thriving practice near her Washington, D.C.-area home. As a new patient at 23, she may never have dreamed he'd allegedly watched her when she was just 14. And Ryan would do more than take out Sarah's teeth. Her family says he would take her self-control and eventually take her life.

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[–] ImADifferentBird@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)

Dude is a manipulative creep. He spent years stalking her, love-and-money-bombed her and her family to get her affection, then used drugs to control her until they killed her.

If you think anything he did is remotely normal, I feel sorry for the women in your life.

[–] ravhall@discuss.online 11 points 1 month ago

No… he didn’t. He met her at 23. The mother claimed he had seen her before. But there is no timeline of events. She wasn’t 14 working at a restaurant. Also, the mother was totally cool with them dating…. Which is why she went with them as a group on vacation and was having drinks on his dime.

You need to take a breath and read that article again with the understanding that most of it is hearsay, and the writer is purposefully trying to cast him as a child molester when nothing actually points to that besides the vague comments from the mother.

But yes, he did provide the drugs that killed her, and was most likely present when they were administered, and he should be punished for manslaughter.

[–] fine_sandy_bottom@lemmy.federate.cc 7 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Can you help me understand love-and-money-bombed?

That sounds kinda great compared to my 20s, in which I had no love nor money and was ultimately miserable and lonely.

[–] ImADifferentBird@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)
[–] fine_sandy_bottom@lemmy.federate.cc -1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

I'm struggling.

This sounds like the start of most relationships.

Perhaps separated by degree, but mostly the wealth imbalance.

Right 50 year old showers young desirable woman with gifts, hardly uncommon.

[–] Doomsider@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

In this case it is not a normal relationship. The person who is love bombing is not being genuine. They are manipulating someone to get what they want.

50 year olds pursuing 20 year olds is not common and definitely is creepy when it happens.

[–] fine_sandy_bottom@lemmy.federate.cc 2 points 1 month ago (1 children)

That's subjective.

If you have a narrow definition of a "normal relationship" then sure, anything else is creepy and weird and someone must be manipulating someone.

I'm sorry to inform you that there are a great many 50 year olds who would absolutely party with 23 year olds given the means. In fact I would suggest that almost all sexually active 50 year olds, who are free of romantic entanglement would knock on that door. Fewer would be interested in setting up a long term committed relationship, but still a significant portion. Bars and brothels and strip clubs are full to the brim with these "abnormals" every night of the week.

Actually, there are a great many cultures in which this type of age disparity is the norm. I'm certainly not arguing that it's ideal or even "better" than your definition of a "normal relationship", just demonstrating that your views are indeed subjective.

It's really only creepy if the 23 year old doesn't appreciate the attention, or doesn't reciprocate, or is manipulated.

Yes it would be possible for a 50 year old to manipulate a 23 year old with lavish gifts. It's also possible for a 23 year old to manipulate a 23 year old with lavish gifts. It's also possible for a 23 year old to manipulate a 50 year old into giving them lavish gifts. It's also possible for a 50 year old to simply want to impress the object of his desires with nice things.

It's absolutely fine for you to find the age disparity creepy. It's also absolutely fine for others to engage in this type of relationship.

[–] Doomsider@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

It is not really subjective. A fifty year old pursuing someone who is less than half their age is the very definition of creepy. I get you are playing devil's advocate here cause "love exists" no matter what the age.

Well here is a ugly wake up call, most 50 year olds would certainly turn down being pursued by someone half their age. Most 50 year olds are not pursuing someone who could be younger than their kids.

I get it, you are the kind of guy who would fuck his daughter's friend. You might not have kids and are lacking the perspective that it is basically sleeping with a child. You might just be some creep who likes to manipulate someone much younger than you.

Whatever it is, I am here to tell you that most people think it is creepy and unacceptable. How many healthy relationships have you seen with this age gap in your lifetime? This is probably some kind of fantasy you have that you are trying to justify here.

[–] fine_sandy_bottom@lemmy.federate.cc 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Ugh. The ad hominem is childish.

What you or "most people" think is creepy is irrelevant, because that's the very definition of subjective.

You're absolutely entitled to make judgements about age discrepancies in other peoples relationships if you wish, but labeling them evil or manipulative or criminal on that basis is presumptive.

[–] Doomsider@lemmy.world 1 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Just trying to make it clear to you when you in your fifties and pursue a 23 year woman that people are going to judge you for it. This isn't me, it is society. And for good reason.

The only thing childish here is your devil's advocate nonsense. I am not going to play pretend fantasy with you and sugar coat the reality that most men that age chasing young tail are disgusting.

I'm not advocating for the devil, I'm merely skeptical about this advertorial for a docudrama.

If you want to continue believing that 50 year olds don't find 23 year olds attractive, then more power to you.