Where I live, Germany, it is very common to spend weeks, sometimes even months, trying to slowly get a child used to going to day care. In my home country, the Netherlands, this wasn't really a thing when I was younger and, from what I've learned from people with young children there, isn't common even today. That got me thinking.
Are there many differences between countries when it comes to day care and specifically getting your children to go to day care in the first place?
We're currently getting our second child used to day care. For our first child the entire process took six weeks and represented the Idea trajectory - nobody was ill, she liked going there, she liked eating there and she didn't make a fuss when it was time to sleep there. Still, this represents a significant investment of time (and therefore money) for any working parent. Sometimes it seems really absurd and impractical. I get the impression that the entire day care system in Germany revolves around the idea that mothers don't work or, if they do, it's only ever part time.
How does this look like in other countries? I've linked an article (in German, but translation services are available) about the system we're stuck with here, if anyone wants to dive deeper.
Drop child off at daycare.
Child may cry. Child may be sad for a short time. Child is not in any actual danger and will get over it. Repeat the next day. Next day, child cries less. Child is sad for shorter amount of time. Child is still not in any actual danger. Repeat the next day.
Your kids are going to cry sometimes. That's life. You can not protect them from everything, and trying to will cause more long-term emotional damage than just having them learn early on that things can not always be absolutely perfect
I share your opinion. Unfortunately the weird method that takes weeks and moves at a snail's pace isn't optional here at our day care. Speaking from experience with our first child: it would have been absolutely fine to leave her there for the entire day much, much earlier, since she really enjoyed going from the first day.
Yeah this is how things roll here in Australia, more or less.
We did an initial visit with mum, dad, and twins for an hour or so. Then the next week just with mum again for an hour or so.
After that we just dropped them off and left them there for 3 hours or so, 2 days a week. They would cry for a few minutes when you drop them off, and cry when you arrive to collect them. Generally though they had a great day playing with educators and other kids.
The thing I learned around that time was, crying doesn't necessarily mean sadness. Like when you arrive to collect them they're not suddenly "sad", but they burst in to tears and look very upset. It's just an emotional moment. When they see you they're happy, excited, they feel love, and loss, and yeah maybe a bit angry that you left them there. They're still figuring out all of these emotions and yeah it manifests as crying.
Yes, some children do receive harm from being unexpectedly isolated from their parents. I'm really touched by the German method and I can see why it is to be preferred to "drop child off, allow to cry, assume all is well" the most of us experienced.