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Parents, have you ever said something hurtful to your child that you "didn't mean to say"? (sh.itjust.works)

submitted 1 month ago by DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

26 comments fedilink hide all child comments

Asking because I remember telling my mom I wanna kms and she got upset and told me she regret giving birth to me.

Later when confronted, she told me she only said it because she was angry, that she didn't mean it.

Nowadays she tells me she loves me (I mean she always told me she loved me, but then there are a lot of memories of me getting yelled at... so idk... wtf), that everyone in my family loves me (really mom? pretty sure my brother hates me to death).

Bipolar much?

(Pls don't spam comments with "see a therapist", working on it... healthcare system sucks to navigate)

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[–] toofpic@lemmy.world 3 points 1 month ago

From myself: I have two kids, and I've said harsh things to them a few times (I am sometimes too emotional and impulsive - I can scream something I will regret later in a middle of an argument). Talking helps, it really does, as I feel that me and my kids - "we're good".
I think it's important to do a full analysis of what happened, with them:

an apology: "whatever were the reasons, you are hurt, and you shouldn't be hurt"
I did it because I was said/angry about this and that. Not in a "defense mode" (see previous bullet point, I am not saying I'm right), but just to explain that some people get sad or angry, and say shit, as I did
It becomes clear what I did wrong, why (helps if they want to see how they could do better, but I'm not emphasizing they need to correct themselves - that would be victim blaming) but that I love them. And the very conversation shows how we can talk about our issues in general.