Ask Lemmy

I have a toddler, and yes, I have accidentally yelled at her in the heat of a meltdown and said things way more harshly than I should have. It’s usually after the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th meltdown of a long day and I finally crack.

However, that’s no excuse. It’s my job as the parent to be emotionally regulated. Children (especially young children) are physically incapable of regulating their emotions, so that is my responsibility to be their missing fully-developed frontal lobe. This is one of many responsibilities you are signing up for having children.

Everyone has their breaking point. We are all human. But as a parent, if you feel yourself at your limit you need to shut your mouth and step away from the situation (if possible) and collect yourself.

I’ll be honest, parenting (correctly) is very difficult, and it’s common to have passing thought or regret when things get really hard. I’ve been there a few times, but I have never, and couldn’t imagine saying something that cruel to my daughter. Even if she was being willfully spiteful or vindictive, I still love her to her core and I am endlessly grateful she is in my life.

I’m not sure how old you are, but my best advice is to try not to take that comment too personally. When she said that, it wasn’t actually about you. It was about her, her choices, and her struggle to manage the consequences of those choices.

I've called one of my kids a jerk and said he was being annoying. I think that's the extent of verbal abuse.

I mean, kids are sponges. Leave them water or piss, they'll soak it all up.

I've hardly ever said anything I "didn't mean" in anger, but I wish I was better at knowing when they get the point. Sometimes I feel like they don't really get it unless I drive the point home to a crazy degree, but when I go one bit too far it fucking sucks and I hate myself.

I have regrettably called one of my kids stupid on occasion because I was very mad. Apologized later, told her I didn't mean it but that I wanted to say it was a stupid thing to do. Not that she was stupid.

Unfortunately yes. I'm prone to depression and have been treated for it for over 20 years. About two years ago I was in a particularly bad way (near suicidal) and in my ranting and wailing, one of my family members asked to please think of my son, who was about 13 at the time. I answered "too late, I already fucked him up", which was in no way meant as a reflection on him, only on myself. But he heard it, and I'm afraid I broke something in him that day that I've never been able to repair.

It's one of my greatest regrets in life. I would do anything to reverse it.

Nothing quite that severe, but anger fueled tirades happen.

One time I said, "I wish you were never born".

Then I woke up, remembered I have never had children, I've never had a wife/girlfriend, and I never planned on having children.

Not a direct answer to your question, but people misspeak all the time, so there's no reason that wouldn't apply to their children. However, hurtful things are still hurtful, so "I didn't mean it" is more of a statement of fact than a get out of jail free card.

I have said some things I immediately regretted.

Either from being frustrated with their behavior, or because I didn't realize how hurtful my joke sounded until I heard it come out my mouth.

I wasn't great at it at first, but I actively worked on making sure that I took responsibility for what I said and apologized.

I've learned most people have no control. And life as it's projected and taught from birth really isn't what life is like. Nobody tells the truth of what existence really is.

...and a lot of people have kids before they ever tune in to their existence and understand it, nevermind the reality that surrounds them outside their extreme microcosms. It's sad.

Not many people really mean to live as they do. Many of us are not able to be who we are supposed to be due to the way the structure of our society and systems work.

Honestly, no, I can't really say I have. I'm also not someone who loses my temper very easily and when I do I never start screaming or shouting.