transcription: how it started: wrapping chord around controller. how its going: shibari
this post was submitted on 10 Dec 2025
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Unfortunately my local kink community is toxic af. So I just do stuff with my wife. Sadly she's nowhere near as kinky as me and doesn't really get much out of it other than my happiness, so it doesn't really properly scratch the itch :(
I was gonna give you a hard time for saying something like this on such a public forum but honestly, you're communicating and being genuine, both good things.
Do your thing, and I wish you luck with finding what you seek.
Out of curiosity (please feel free to disregard if the question is too personal), when you've partaken in kinky activities with other people, has it been sexual in nature or have they been other types of experiences?
I'm not very knowledgeable about that world but I've always sort of associated it with sexual gratification, I have heard fairly recently that a pretty large portion of people engage in it without involving sex and I'm just curious about what kind of enjoyment is involved in that case.
I'd say for me it's about 50/50. It can be about sex, but sometimes what I really need is a different kind of release, if that makes any sense. Just existing in a very simple state where nothing's expected of me for a little while. There's also the hedonistic aspect of experiencing things out of the norm. Yes sometimes it's about sex, I do have needs after all, but not always.
Not OP, but a thing I am pretty heavily involved in. It depends a lot on the community you’re in and the culture around it, and my experience is that most people who practice kink in a community setting also consider it an integral part of their sexual life, but not exclusively so. There are many that approach it as a connective practice that focuses on power exchange, communication, and sensory exploration as much or more than as a form of purely sexual gratification. The kind of intimacy and connection that you cultivate with mindful, consistent kink, even if not explicitly sexual, often cultivates a safe environment for negotiating and potentially exploring sexual chemistry with a partner if the feeling is mutual.
Generally, it’s considered normal for sexual boundaries or interests to be a part of negotiations when you’re exploring a kinky connection with someone, however it is rarely a deal-breaker in my experience if either partner isn’t interested in that, nor is it often the primary thing being negotiated. I have a few partners that I regularly do kinky things with and also have sex or do sexual things with. Many of the people in my community do consistently integrate kink with sex, but most of what goes on in public or semi-private spaces are non-sexual scenes.