this post was submitted on 01 Jan 2026
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I don't get why Americans think everything in Australia will kill you. You know what we don't have in Australia? BEARS! A fully grown polar bear will fuck you up like nothing else on this planet. It is the only animal that actively hunts humans. Of course brown & grizzly bears are killers too.
What about a nice, safe grazing animal? Look out - that's a MOOSE and it will end your life on a whim.
Safer in the water? That's where SHARKS live. Yes, that's right, they live in the same ocean that we have here. The United States leads in documented shark attacks, with Florida accounting for nearly half of U.S. incidents.
Of course its not just big animals that can kill & maim. That cute little squirrel? That's got RABIES. 100% fatal once symptoms show, its an extremely unpleasant end.
Of course if having your brain melted is how you get off, you've come to the right place. How about a dose of CJD from eating a ZOMBIE DEER? Nothing like the creeping inevitability of a prion disease to put a spark in your step.
Not biblical enough? How about a dose of BLACK PLAGUE? Easily treated with cheap antibiotics, hope your health system is up to it.
I could go on with the BOBCATS, SNAKES (13 times more deaths than Australia in 2025) and so on but you get the point.
Everything in America is trying to kill you.
Including the government.
Especially the government.
Dude. You forgot all the natural disasters that happen here. We have cyclones and hurricanes, as well as earthquakes, tornadoes, blizzards, flash flooding, the occasional locusts, and of course fire season.
No, you read that correctly. In the American southwest there is a "fire season" we are in the beginning stages of that right now. Ironically it's also when we get the majority of our rainfall.
sounds like water mismanagement
As an American, it’s mostly just a joke.
A lot of it has to do with nature documentaries that focus on the extremely misunderstood but potentially deadly animals. For clicks, they tend to play up how dangerous/viscuous/whatever they are. (See every shark show ever)
Like quoka aren’t really talked about, either.
They also take a lot of unimportant stuff and pretend it's important. Australian snakes are 17 of the top 20 most venomous snakes*
*Against mice
They just don't attack humans unless the human is fucking with them
Cassowarys too. Deadly dangerous. The last people killed by a flock of them was throwing rocks and beer cans at them. You've got to try to get killed by them.
We don't really have any animals we need to tell people to not try to get a selfie with, aside from koalas but for the koala's benefit, it's not going to hurt you
There's an effort to replace rabbits as the Easter animal with quokkas. I reckon the quokka is more cute than the bunny.
I dunno. rabbits have it on floof if you go with the angora. Quokka take it on charm, though.
I know, right?
for the record, this might give you an idea of how much floof that thing has. They're where we get angora wool from.
This reminded me of the old Photoshop contests on fark... Good times
That bottom pic is a straight up Tribble.
Everyone is worried about the lizard people when the true evil cabal is run by quokkas. Don't be fooled.
they're bookies.... and they use wombats as enforcers.
We have Drop Bears, but they’re nowhere near as deadly as a US school.
Thank you for writing this for me fellow australian.
Water is the biggest killer in Australia. Either being without it or in it and pretty much anywhere across the country. The worst animals are in the water, you’ll die in a very short time without it.
Followed by stupidity and lack of respect for the environment.
Cows are up there for big animals. Heatwaves are pretty underreported too
Edit: I looked it up: dementia is now the top cause of death in Australia.
Microplastics coming in clutch.
(Unconfirmed but suspected cause of the global increase in Alzheimer's and Dementia:
What means: clutch?
Its got a few definitions but the context I was using is coming in at the last minute to secure the win. I've been listening to kids too much and it's affected my language. Rip.
https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Clutch
Thanks, it still doesn’t quite gel for me but I think that helps!
Corporative murder!
Did you know there are actually more alligator attacks per capita in the whole US than in Australia?
Ats caus' Straya has Crocs not Alleygators
You made me curious. I can't find solid numbers on attacks/deaths per capita, but last year a indigenous Arakun (far north Queensland) fisherman was killed and only confirmed by DNA testing his remains in the Croc.
In 2024 two people were killed, a 12yo girl in NT (Northern Territory) and a 40yo man in Cooktown, Queensland.
The US also seems to have 1-2 annual alligator deaths, but considering our demographics difference (Aus 28.2m, USA 342m), Australia has over ten times as many deaths by large reptile per capita.
BTW all of Northern Aus is where the crocs are, and there are 'Absolutely no swimming' signs everywhere, but it's hot as fuck up there and fishing and boating are very popular pasttimes so it is hard to keep the people and the crocs out of each other's territory. I imagine it's similar in the Southeast US?
I love that I inspired you to learn something but I was joking about the fact that Australia doesn't have alligators, just crocodiles.
I see..
You didn't even mention all of the alligators and crocodiles!
When I think of Australia and the things that can kill me, I think of the billion insects, small or big. And the countless poisonous or toxic things that I could encounter. Even while going to the toilet.
I too, would choose the bear.
Bobcats can kill people? How?
I don't know, I'm Australian. Bad karma?
Maybe they were thinking of Mountain Lions. And they didn't even mention wolves!
Us making glorious wildlife films like Rogue (2007) is certainly not helping haha.
Recommended btw if you like a bit of horror and don't mind dumb movies like The Meg, Deep Blue Sea.