Ask Lemmy
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I mean im not sure. My wife is a woman and has no desire to be with woman but when young was kinda a tom boy and does not go for a lot of girly things but will sorta girly it up for a purpose. she is a lot like a guy who if they have to will wear the full suit or tux. Dresses and makeup and fashion and such is like that for her. She can do it and even knows how to do it well but does not want to do it day to day. Same with all sorts of other things. I hate cars but she loves them so she drives if we are together. She is far more sexually agressive than I mostly because by nature im kinda an introvert and she kinda likes that. Like the challenge. Its hard to say with like fixing and maintenance stuff. Im a bit more techy and have this thing with shapes and organization but she is more an artist and is just much better than I when it comes to fixing things. Its like I am more likely to be able to do an ugly fix or workaround but she is much more likely to do something where you you had someone else check it out they would be impressed. Anyway we are older and for us there is not real difference between gender and sex. Thats distinction was just no there. When someone said man they meant male and when someone said women they meant female. Medical science could do some stuff but its such a small percentage its not on anyones radar. So I don't think of her as non binary and she does not think of me as nonbinary. Shes a woman and im a man but we often joke on how im very yin male and she is a very yang women.
And that's totally ok for both of you to feel that way. It ultimately depends on the chemistry going on in one's brain. Just because your wife and I are tomboys doesn't mean we view ourselves as nonbinary, but for my roomie who was also not a girly girl yet also not a tomboy, they decided that nonbinary more accurately described how they thought about themselves. I could have a tomboy identical twin and they could feel like they were more nonbinary or transgendered than I do. Or they could feel like a girl (like me) and be more attracted to girls than I am. It's up to the individual to determine what seems most right for them.
My hubby isn't a "manly man" in the sense that he doesn't religiously follow sports or go hunting or tinker in the garage, but he very much identifies as male, and his coworkers often call him the 'alpha' (which I hesitated to mention because we both feel the alpha/beta categorizing culture is pretty cringey, but I went ahead and brought it up to illustrate that others see him as quite assertive). He just has an authority rebelliousness and speaks up for the group and calls people/mgmt on their bullshit.
If 2 people are really alike in terms of hobbies and style and personality, they could still differ in how they perceive their gender. And to make things even more complicated, how one perceives their gender may not match up with the sexual equipment they have. That is a factor in how many trans people experience dysphoria. What they see in the mirror doesn't match up with how they feel. Imagine if you got Freaky Fridayed into someone else's body unexpectedly, how you would react to looking in a mirror. That can be how they feel about it every time they look in a mirror.
I will say that I'm proud of you for asking questions and being curious. That's how we learn. I myself went through the "isn't gender and sex the same thing??" And once I grasped how it's not how society labels a person but how that person determines this for themselves, same as how I determine for myself that just because I don't like makeup doesn't mean I'm trans, that it kind of clicked that how people present themselves and feel about themselves is a very personal journey, and that two similar people can come to two very different conclusions, both of which are correct. And that was a horribly long run-on sentence, but thank you for sticking with me to the end. ๐โ๏ธ
Nobody should be apologizing to me for run on sentences. People compain about the federation being just like reddit but its exactly these type of genuine type exchanges that make it great. Thanks.