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Bad news, 1. It's impossible 2. They aren't just on the web.
right, has OP ever not had a noisy neighbor? or like been in public outside?
barely a week goes by I don't meet some horrible person who goes off on a service worker and at least once a month someone goes off on me. periodically i have neighbors who harass me for not good reason if I spend too much time outside in porch or my garden, to come and 'helpfully' tell me what is 'wrong' with my property. even though i live in a condo building, as if I am solely responsible for the entire building...
last week i was returning my shopping cart and this lady like came running at me and started screaming at me that i was 'being too slow' and grabbed my cart and ran off with it. it was BIZARRE. there was an entire row of them by the entrance to the market, but she zeroed in on me in the middle of the parking lot and decided to harass me because my walking was too leisurely for her or something.
It's not because people can be turds in real life that it has to be so online as well. Moreover, in real life accountability can be imposed because one knows who they are. Online, not as much.
Anyway, I started this thread to seek for potential solutions. Saying "it's impossible" does a disservice to human ingenuity, or more people than I imagine are smurfing as trolls.