this post was submitted on 07 May 2026
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Are these people in the room with us now?
Seriously, I don't think those people actually exist. And if they do, I'm going to continue to ignore them and not ask permission every time I kiss or touch my partner, who will continue to do likewise to me.
Oh, your partner. More of a problem if you don't do that sometimes. Unless she says not to explicitly.
Great, so after being gaslighted by society for years that all the ordinary social conventions I internalized earlier in life were actually some of the most heinous crimes imaginable, now I'm being gaslit that the people who were originally gaslighting me don't exist?
Have I been MKUltra-ed?
No, they're all on r/feminism...
I believe what is being missed here in there are implied rules and agreements already in place in healthy relationships.
For newer couples or people that are not yet a couple, having these conversations around consent is vital for building trust, intimacy, and respecting boundaries.
For established couples, some things can be an entire conversation without an actual word being said, specifically because they’ve put in the time and work to lay those roads of understanding and listening. For instance, maybe your SO has a different wardrobe for intimate occasions as opposed to their regular cozy sleepwear. If they are wearing regular cozy sleepwear the implication would be that there is not an inherent green light on more intimacy in that moment.
Also, on a side note consent can be still be something flirty/sexy but how it’s done matters too. I feel many people who have had their boundaries trampled or ignored are going to need more active reassurance and checking-in.
Then how come when I tried to explain that to people years ago everybody reacted as if I was trying to say it's okay to sexually assault your wife?
And no matter how firmly I insisted that it's not the same thing, everyone simply told me that I'm the one who's wrong and need to accept that?
Probably because you were speaking to a different audience years ago than the audience here. Alternatively, the way it was phrased could have been a bit different and was interpreted differently.
If you’re in an audience of people that had previous bad experiences with consent being walked over, then many of those people are going to have their guards up to not get hurt again. I’m sure some people do want to be asked before any kiss or touch, even from a partner.
Body language can tell quite a bit about what people are comfortable with as well, at least for people you’ve been in a relationship with for a good period already. There are times I can visibly tell my SO is irritated by something and I know, from past experience, that any sort of physical contact would be unwelcome in the moment.
For some people and some relationships, consent for most things, in a relationship, is given implied consent unless said otherwise. For other people, it’s never implied unless explicitly stated. I believe many people in the later group have been hurt before and have walls up for a good reason. If you’re ever wondering where another person stands on this, it’s okay to ask the other person about their personal views.
What fucking reality do you live in?
There is something so weird and off-putting when guys say shit like this.
You make us all look bad.
Apparently a reality where literally everyone will insist on one thing to tell me I'm wrong, until I switch my position to be what all those people are telling me is correct, only for everyone to then continue to insist that I'm wrong and that the correct thing is exactly what I was saying originally.
If that's not gaslighting, then I don't know what is. And don't tell me it's not really happening because it's happening right fucking now.
Ah shit I was wrong. Shoulda known it was incel all along.
I'm an incel because people on r/feminism told me something that almost everyone here is now saying was wrong, and tore me a new asshole for insisting on precisely what everyone's else here is now saying is correct?
Strange norms these days, it's a good thing I don't give a shit. I learned to get over petty insults when I was still in middle school...
Smart money says you are incorrectly applying what they said to a totally different situation.
Care to link to what you’re referring to?
You seem like an incel because you can’t seem to understand that a relationship has different rules than when you’re getting to know someone.
Well, have you ever encountered one in real life? If not, best not to worry.
Yes. Literally when I was in college. I even asked for consent super awkwardly, because that's what everyone said you're supposed to do. and even when someone said yes I still had to deal with accusations from her friends later because they decided after the fact that she didn't really mean yes and that I was supposed to somehow read her mind.
How many times do I need to ask "Are you sure?" Before a yes counts as consent?
If it's many times, it's not actually about consent.