Asklemmy

The unbrawlah. Any violence ends when you get within a meter or so of the umbrella when open. Not bounces off like a forcefield but like a zone of safety.

Found OP

I’d put the unlimited budget to work miniaturizing a drone fleet powerful enough to maintain position / reliably follow the user thru storm winds that hold a large umbrella-style cover over you.

I never use umbrellas cuz I feel like they’re annoying to carry and you still get wet, but if it just reliably kept me dry with no extra work on my part I’d be more interested.

Cover the entire thing in Molle

I add a chatbot to it.

Pretty much everything from Johnny English

Shield from rain

Found the middle management testing out their interview question about creativity.

Kill dissidents https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bulgarian_umbrella

It wouldn’t be the first… the KGB assassinated a guy with one at least once.Bulgarian Umbrella

Somehow rain never hits you from the side even when it's windy or your running really fast.

I'm gonna stuff that unlimited budget between the fabric layers of mine and take it home with me.

• add a red button to fire the nukes
• take the rest of the unlimited budget for expenses.

My umbrella will be super light. It will connect on my back and blocks rain whichever the direction it's coming from. Think Dr Oct but only one limb holding an umbrella.

Make it so it never rains if you have the umbrella with you.

comes up with tactics as the name implies

it runs its own general circulation model and predicts rain an hour before it even arrives and stays open with no option to close it until an hour passes.

Coincidentally, it also takes a day to re-open, so once it closes, it's not opening again.

it automatically closes after an hour.

It doesn't look like anything. It's an invisibility umbrella.

It also lets you walk through walls.

Unlimited budget? My tactical umbrella is capable of generating 5MW of electricity from cold nuclear fusion.

Serves as a shield against small calibre bullets. Is able to accurately fire sniper rounds

1

Tactical hand-free design is essential.

2

The top part detaches and is a drone.

Never folds the wrong way or moves unpredictably during strong winds.

Thermal mask against FPV drones.

And a cool sword, that'd be sick.

It's absolutely bananas that this would come up now, because I'm almost finished designing one in FreeCAD lol. Is it in the zeitgeist right now or something? Is it because the most recent No Kings had a yellow umbrella theme?

Mind you, I'm very untalented at CAD, just doing it for funsies and to learn the Assembly workbench. I will upload it to ManyFold when it's done and tested though if anyone's interested.

I'm hoping it'll be sturdy enough to survive blunt impacts, and able to slow down some weaker munitions, but it's gonna be on the heavy side. Expecting it to cost roughly $100 worth of parts. You could definitely build it WAY cheaper but I'm going all high quality.

Its a Mary Poppins umbrella that floats you gently to the ground. And a laser shoots from the top.

If you did it today, it wouldn't be the first. Here are some:

• The Unbreakable Umbrella is the first one I can recall hearing of. It's heavy (775g) and made of a composite material the manufacturer claims is good for hitting people.
• The Streetwise Stunbrella conceals an electroshock weapon inside an umbrella.
• Security Umbrella is another umbrella marketed as suitable for hitting people.
• "Bulgarian umbrellas" are poison pellet guns built into umbrellas, intended for murder.
• Windlass Steelcrafts sells an umbrella which conceals a rapier. There appear to be several similar products from other companies.

Integrated fleshlight in the handle. Screen on the underside of the umbrella for videos. Bullet resistant outer shell that expands into a small tent.