Asklemmy

People on the Internet like to jump to conclusions, usually the most drastic ones. There's certainly no way for a random person to conclude whether the guy is transphobic just from what you wrote.

Don't let others dictate what you do with/to your own body.

"One’s body is inviolable, subject to one’s own will alone."

Do you, and if they don't like it, they can go shave their own bits

As far as whether or not its transphobic, I could see it being an aspect of transphobia, but not transphobic by itself. I would just call it a preference, but to each their own I guess.

Some folks just like to be offended so they see everything as an offense.

I don’t see how thats transphobic. If you’re a trans girl, to him you are a girl. Girls traditionally shave their legs. Most guys prefer it when women do this. I dont see how this is transphobic or even outside the ordinary.

If you’re a trans man, and attracted to men, then he might just prefer his partners to be smooth. I don’t see an issue with that either.

Beyond the question of transphobia, I'm uncomfortable with the idea of forcing painful, costly and time consuming aesthetic practices on a partner. In a relationship we should take people as they are, nobody is forcing anybody to be in a relationship with someone who doesn't shave, so trying to impose it on somebody who doesn't want to... that's bad

I don’t think it’s necessarily phobic but I personally find it a bit presumptuous for someone you’re not dating yet to express preferences about how they prefer you to groom.

HAVING the preference doesn’t seem like a problem and doesn’t seem linked to transphobia.

In my perfect world you would learn about their preferences when you were trying a new thing (shaving, haircut, outfit, whatever) and they were like “I find this new thing incredibly attractive.”

People seem to like to call people transphobic nowadays I guess. I had some nut job here on Lemmy calling me transphobic despite no evidence of it. They followed me around on my previous comments calling me a transphobe. I asked them to post screenshots for everyone to see the evidence. Multiple times. I said I would apologize for anything that could be misconstrued as transphobic, and try to make it clearer what I actually meant to say. No reply.

People are just weird sometimes. Maybe they don't know what the words mean that they use. Ignore it, is my advice.

I like my wife to be smooth on her legs, and semi smooth downstairs. She likes herself fully smooth though.

I even like myself smooth, but my wife doesn't want me fully smooth.

It's all just preference. 🤷‍♂️ Nothing to do with gender at all, in our case.

Im not sure I completely understand your situation. So you are a trans man, in a relationship with (or at least mutual interest in) another man, is that right? If he sees you as a girl, like that person you mentioned suggests, why would he want to be with you in the first place? I dont think that makes sense. If that was the case though, and he wanted you to be his "girlfriend" and look like a girl, then yes, it would probably be transphobic.

Regardless, having a preference for your SOs looks is normal imo, and sometimes it can have significant influence on a relationship. Im not sure how I would react if my wife wanted to get a nose ring for example. I dont like them, I dont like looking at them, I dont know why exactly but its just not for me. But does that make me mysogynistic? If it was important for my wife and her self-expression I would obviously respect that but it would lead to some difficult discussions. I cant control that she would be less physically attractive to me and I would need to tell her that and she would need to make the decision factoring that in. Pressuring her or demanding changes in her looks would be wrong, but not telling her my feelings would be too.

I think you will have to decide between your authentic self-expression and appealing to others. You will need to weigh up how important it is to you, potentially sacrificing a relationship for it, but if its that much of a priority to you then that relationship wasnt meant to be in the first place.

Doesn’t have to be transphobic. It’s only suspicious within a pattern of behaviour in which your bf seemingly doesn’t see you as for who you are.

neither your family, nor a partner should get a say in that. it might just be a preference, it might be the result of some deep seated transphobia, but either way they oughtta just accept it if you don't want to, and not try to pressure you.

I mean I guess it’s possible he’s transphobic like the laws of physics does allow for that I suppose 🤷‍♀️ you’ll have to just figure out if that’s true thru experience but there’s no reason to assume that

it’s a totally normal preference people have and tons of gay guys shave and it’s totally normal and nobody cares

I see where they're coming from. It's a common demand straight men make of women while our culture sees body hair as very masculine rather than the biological element where testosterone is one if several reasons a person may have very thick body hair. And there's a hypervigilance at times when it comes to cis partners of trans people because enough members of our community have been burned, especially those who date chasers.

That said, having known my fair share of gay men, yeah I wouldn't jump to transphobia. Especially if you're kinda twinky.

Do you believe that it's transphobic for a cishet male to not want to date a trans woman?

If the answer is yes, then the answer to your question is yes. If not, you've also got your answer.