I wish I didn't know that. Now I really want to pet a jaguar.
this post was submitted on 28 Jan 2026
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Very soft
Sebastián, I have one very pressing question. Are jaguar soft?
FTFH.
Pro tip: don’t waste people’s time by forcing them to respond before you ask your question. Be polite and pleasant, AND ask your question at the same time. It saves both them and you a lot of time.
although this is usually correct, here it is important for the joke that setup and punchline are seperated by anticipation.
First of its a joke with a set up and punchline. Secondly its a group chat as can be seen from the two hearts and group chats work differently.
hi
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It's a trick. The jaguars killed Sebastián and used his phone to lure in more prey.
(Edit: As someone who's contacted experts for research to improve Wikipedia, they've all seemed really happy that someone was interested enough in their subject to ask. If you have a question you've tried and failed to find an answer for, the worst they can ever do is say "no" or not reply. Try it sometime!)
no
Shoot... now what?
Jaguars are the leading cause of male-pattern baldness.
I thought that was the opposite, you get the baldness first, then you buy a Jaaaaaaaag
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Touch is a good option to distinguish between a jaguar and a shark in a dark room - jaguar is soft and shark is smooth. Easy. You'll never again confuse a jaguar with a shark.
Shark's only smooth from front to back. Otherwise shark's sandpaper.
Nope. Sharks are smooth as hell in all directions.
In general, the crowns of dermal denticles have cusps pointing tailward, which is why a shark feels relatively smooth if stroked from head-to-tail but sandpapery coarse if stroked the other way.
http://www.elasmo-research.org/education/white_shark/scales.htm
It’s telling me that shark skin is “smooth from all directions and at all times”
Are you reading the same thing I'm reading? Literally every search result describes shark skin as dermal denticles, or sharp tooth-like scales aligned from front to back, "relatively smooth" in one direction, and sandpaper-like in the other.
Apparently other animals regularly get injured brushing up against them.
Well, I'm touching a shark right now. Rubbing it every which way. No direction is off limits. It's smoother than the finest silks
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I remember when I went to an aquarium as a kid and touched the sting rays in the touch tank. That texture has stayed in my mind ever since. I still can't find anything it compares well to.
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I was 100% sure that would be the answer. Is there a feline that is rough?
I have one yes, very rough. Negative survival intincts. Got trapped once and didn't even try to get out.
This is an abuse of power. But since you've crossed the line already, could you ask about axolotles? Do they look happy even when they are sad?
Pretty sure Sebastián would be happy to answer this question to non-journalists too
Non-journalists are soft too.
I recently learned that kangaroos are soft, which surprised me as I always imagined them like weird deer and deer are not soft. I feel like this needs to be a list I can look at somewhere.
Stroked many a roo, wallaby and other macropods and they're not soft everywhere. More interesting is that there's no real give to their softness. They're solid muscle below the skin so you don't really want to poke them too hard. Does depend on the species too though - I ain't touching a red. A quokka and bettong are quite pliable and have that give when you stroke them, like a cat.
Domestic cat that is. When I stroked a cheetah it was all muscle and smooth but not soft, more like a deer
smooth but not soft
Like a shark.
Are you looking for the Animal Smoothness Scale?
I think they're looking for the Animal Softness scale
The two together form a two dimensional chart though
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Why are there two reactions? Who else was let in on this critical information?
Sebastiàn liked his own message
As he should, it was a good message.
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Next question, can I visit and experience the softness myself?
Why’d you remove your own upvote? You’re allowed to like the smell of your own.
It's a server setting. Their instance doesn't auto-upvote, and can't downvote.
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But are sharks smooth?
They definitely are, regardless of the direction.
Depends which direction you pet them.
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