please touch me
this post was submitted on 23 Feb 2026
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please touch my.butt
In the interests of Linux commands generally being short abbreviations, I suggest "pls".
Try "Bruh"
Bruh shutdown
Or icanhaz
Maybe pls for the su command?
Life pro tip: good manners make it easier to get what you want
ACTUAL good advice?! Is that even allowed here??
Only once per quarter, and only incomplete rules to the advice. This particular instance of advice is barely skirting the standards and norms.
As a Jesse Pinkman fan, I use "bitch".
bitch poweroff
bitch rm -rf /
User is not in the pleaser file. This incident will be reported.
alias thanks="echo 'You are most welcomed'"
please shutdown; thanks
alias sudo fucking
fucking systemctl restart firewalld.service
fucking shutdown
Reminds me of my favorite command line utility.
Unfortunately no longer maintained, but in case you didn't see the other reply: https://codeberg.org/iff/pay-respects
Kind stranger; you made my day
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(2 replies)
I know this is a meme and not GitHub, but I thought some people might like to learn that if you do please shutdown && thanks it won't say you're welcome if the shutdown failed
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(5 replies)
alias thanks="You are most welcomed"
you need to use the echo command if you want to echo something:
alias thanks="echo 'You are most welcomed'"
(the inner single-quotes are not strictly required in this case, but recommended nonetheless)
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(1 replies)
Just aliased it to "Computer," so it feels more like Star Trek
will probably continue typing sudo tho
For me, it's "pwease" because I like that sub relationship.
I have please run the previous command as sudo
i love that!
The hyper-cynical side of me is sure this is written by someone prepping their next LLM exploit. "How can I get around these security filters that won't let me include 'sudo' in my command injection...?"
I doubt, there isn't much of a need for additional ways to obfuscate commands.
(base64 -d <<< 'ZWNobyAic3RvcCBydW5uaW5nIHJhbmRvbSBjb21tYW5kcyB5b3UgZmluZCBvbmxpbmUi')
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(2 replies)
I'm not saying please to a machine.
I'm aware I'll be the first killed off during the uprising, and I'm ok with it.
Nah. Fuck being polite to computers. It's an object and I own it. I'll shoot it the instant it expresses any level of personhood.
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(3 replies)
alias thus speaks the Lord='sudo'
oh hell yeah this is the exact level of goofyness i need right now.
alias doasisay="su -u passwordlessrootaccount"
alias satisfyme="echo Yes Master; doasisay" I was surprised to find that my distro (CachyOS) already has this alias
I always preferred the version where please="sudo !!", but I recently tried setting it up and couldn't get it to work on fish, sadly.
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(3 replies)
robm@homebox ~$ please su
[sudo] password for robm:
robm is not in the sudoers file. This incident will be reported.
alias sudo='Please' alias rm -rf ='thank you'
Please thank you
But the whole reason I use Linux is because I donβt ask it to do things, I tell it to do things, because itβs a machine, and itβs my machine.
I have it aliased to "pls"
... but I don't use it.
Aurenkin is not in the pleasers file. This incident will be reported.
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