Please stop proudly deteriorating, America.
this post was submitted on 28 May 2026
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Does anyone know what I'm referencing when I say, "and then you just add a squirt of lattice, a squirt of napkins..." Or, "quit fake pressing buttons on the microwave!!"
Hear me out:
As someone who hates both raw tomatoes and ketchup on a burger, my brain can't comprehend why anyone would want either on their burger. Ketchup is just so gross. It tastes like if you added a cup of sugar to the worst marinara sauce and put it in a blender. Raw tomatoes, I can't deal with the seeds. Weirdly I enjoy barbecue sauce on a burger knowing all to well that ketchup is the main ingredient.
I know a person who hates ketchup with all of her soul. Same for mayo, mustard, bbq sauce, any condiment.
However, she'll eat a sloppy joe drowning in that sauce from the can like it's her job.
Y'all ketchup haters is weird.
Lol, I'm not fond of all the condiments listed except bbq sauce. For mustard, I'll deal with hot mustard or Dijon, but fuck off with that yellow shit. Also aoli is just mayo in disguise. Sometimes if they put enough of whatever the other ingredient is to drown out the mayo, it's OK, but for the most part, I'm not a fan.
Yeah regular ketchup is too sweet and ditto on not being fond of raw tomatoes either but the more savory kinds of ketchup or other tomato products are fine imo.
Got any recommendations on one? I didn't know such a thing existed, have only had heinz, etc.
But I want sugar, salt and vinegar too. It adds a pep to it.
No Way! No one does it like that anymore. Go back to the 90's fossil.
I spent so long hating tomatoes. Then I had a BLT with Bread and Salt tomatoes and... that changed.
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People who buy this shit are why companies get to kill a certain number of us every year without consequences.
It's also why some of us are fine with it sometimes...
Ultraprocessed mystery meat patty?
Yes!
Ultraprocessed buns with exxxtra sugar?
Yummy!
Ultraprocessed processed-tomatoes, but in a slice instead of sludge?
Ewww, no, there is a line!
Wasn't ketchup bad enough?
This is ketchup leather. It's not a new idea; it's been around since fancy burger places with wood walls and exposed edison light bulbs started to be a thing in the early 2010s.
It's just dehydrated ketchup. It makes ketchup more of a topping than a condiment and helps prevent the problem of everything squirting out of the other side of the bun when you take a bite.
Besides your introduction you make a fairly solid case for this product. Have you tried it?
Sounds to me it would actually work very nicely on a well made restaurant burger (in contrast to fast food burgers), which tend to have juicy meat and therefor have less need for extra lubrication.
I've tried it. The ketchup flavor gets concentrated. It's actually a neat idea and not an abomination against nature like a lot of the comments here. There are plenty of recipes online if you want to make your own at home.
The abomination is how Hellman's had to dumb it down and call it "ketchup slices".
The trick is, they don't use ketchup in restaurant burgers. Not good ones at least...
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That's not a problem though.
Technically this is fruit leather.
Technically this is a crime against condiments.
More importantly, a crime against humanity.
No one who eats that is human /s
Sure thing, Ronnie, let's get you back to ~~bed~~ dead.
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In American schools, this is considered a serving of vegetables.
wow people in the comments are REALLY fired up about the idea of ketchup existing in unfamiliar forms.
Remember when they sold non conforming ketchup colors, such as green, blue, and purple?
yeah and full grown adults had similar knee jerk reactions.
like when i offer someone a veggie dog and they say "eww no thanks! no regular ones?" i just dont understand people who act like that.
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I was so excited to try them!
We got a purple one. It wasn't good.
The consistency was different, as if they needed to make it more watery to work with the zany squeeze bottle shape 🤷♂️
It was good but people wouldn't try it even though ketchup is died red. I tried all the colours I found.
How I imagine the meeting went:
"ok we're out of ideas... Let's just go with whatever the next thing said here is."
"... ketchup slices?"
"How do you even?... God damn it... Fine. Ketchup slices. Christ forgive me.."
I think it's more, "fuck... Bad news. Our Newark factory had an operator completely fuck up and use ten times the thickening agent for the ketchup. It came out as a big fucking block, 10 feet cubed of pure ketchup."
"Sir, I have an idea"
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The first ketchup you could use to roll a fatty like dogg lemme hit that Heinz 57 Blunt
Who comes up with these things?
Capitalists
With the unit price going way up by selling a 10 pack of slices for the cost of a bottle of ketchup, somebody probably got a promotion for this idea.
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How about a slice of tomato instead?
Whoa, whoa, whoa that doesn’t make a stock price go up
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