this post was submitted on 29 Jun 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Or San Francisco a decade ago.

[–] froh42@lemmy.world 3 points 2 hours ago

The door refused to open. It said, “Five cents, please.”
He searched his pockets. No more coins; nothing. “I’ll pay you tomorrow,” he told the door. Again he tried the knob. Again it remained locked tight. “What I pay you,” he informed it, “is in the nature of a gratuity; I don’t have to pay you.”
“I think otherwise,” the door said. “Look in the purchase contract you signed when you bought this conapt.”
In his desk drawer he found the contract; since signing it he had found it necessary to refer to the document many times. Sure enough; payment to his door for opening and shutting constituted a mandatory fee. Not a tip.
“You discover I’m right,” the door said. It sounded smug.
From the drawer beside the sink Joe Chip got a stainless steel knife; with it he began systematically to unscrew the bolt assembly of his apt’s money-gulping door.
“I’ll sue you,” the door said as the first screw fell out.
Joe Chip said, “I’ve never been sued by a door. But I guess I can live through it.

Philip K. Dick, Ubik

[–] garbage_world@lemmy.world 1 points 2 hours ago

Toilets have been a subscribtion since always

[–] uriel238@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 4 hours ago

San Francisco since the 21st century has had four or five public restrooms that are automated and self cleaning, and free! Why? Because even then poop from the homeless and impoverished was a problem.

Not allowing people to use your business restroom is just a good way to end up with occasionally cleaning up poop on your grounds, and your back alleys perpetually smelling like urine. In the meantime, if you do let people use your restroom for free, they're more inclined to return to your establishment to patronize it.

Small businesses in the US like restaurants and cafes will lock their bathrooms anyway more out of habitual miserliness: Laws in the US immensely favor large chains and franchises, so small business owners and managers get used to doing everything they can to raise revenues and lower costs (including stealing tips and underpaying staff) so the petit bourgeoisie for a while seemed crueler than big corporations. (As workplace regulation violations are not being investigated, big businesses are catching up, as per Amazon and Facebook). In 2026, small resellers rarely open their restrooms up to the public, and some restaurants and cafes don't feature restrooms at all.

And so major cities all have poop problems, either managed by municipal cleaners or by ordinance requiring property owners keep their grounds clean.

[–] altphoto@lemmy.today 4 points 5 hours ago

I recommend bi-metal hole saws all day long!

Why would you bother with a jigsaw or a router when you can get the confort of a well rounded hole!

[–] justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 5 hours ago

just poop your pants and you might become the new leader

[–] Kaligalis@lemmy.world 6 points 9 hours ago* (last edited 9 hours ago) (1 children)

The subscriptions which are actually still hard to avoid are: for a lot of people rent, for Muricans healthcare, power, water, trash, Internet. Parents get a few more and personal liability insurance is also a good idea (but also relatively cheap for most people).
The other subscriptions are luxury and easy to just not have.

[–] YawningNostalgia@thelemmy.club 2 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Even your house is a subscription in the US. My mom has to pay over $10,000 yearly in property taxes of her house that's been paid off for over a decade. If she dies (she's healthy so not soon, but as a hypothetical) I inherit a house I can't afford the maintenance and taxes on. What are the luxuries? Netflix? That's passé. We can all cancel Prime, that's not the point.
Any new tech is a subscription unless you do all you can to research it and make sure it only connects to your network.

There is very little that people want and is easy to not have, unless you want to live a very bare-bones life. Cue Karl Marx quote about going to the pub.

[–] teslekova@sh.itjust.works 2 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

That's an interesting situation, isn't it? You own a house, but because you need to generate income to keep it, you have to either become a landlord and live somewhere else - perhaps using part of your income to pay the mortgage on another house - or sell it and draw down your new wealth by paying rent.

[–] YawningNostalgia@thelemmy.club 2 points 3 hours ago

Exactlyyyy. It's basically rent to the state. We have sales tax in this state too and why are we paying taxes on home valuations when the home isn't being sold. The house is probably going to be sold for a nursing home and bye bye inheritance for me. I wonder when this bubble is going to burst. Only my wealthiest friends anticipate getting a substantial amount from their parents.

I want to have a child but I don't feel I can give them what they need. I would never pressure my family members to do what benefits me most, but I secretly wish that my mom would retire in Taiwan, where she was born, where she'll have family and it might be kinder. Retiring in the US seems like the biggest grift. I won't bring it up unless she brings up grandchildren and then I'll say I can't swing it unless she retires in a more affordable country. Now nobody is happy

[–] kreskin@lemmy.world 2 points 7 hours ago (1 children)

Just shit in the shower. We all do it, right.

[–] FreddiesLantern@leminal.space 1 points 50 minutes ago

Wafflestompers unite!

[–] Kaput@lemmy.world 1 points 7 hours ago

Juste saw a propane bbq requesting for an update in thé store..

[–] this@sh.itjust.works 4 points 11 hours ago

Time to get shwifty.

[–] Lucidlethargy@sh.itjust.works 4 points 11 hours ago (2 children)
[–] Anonymous_Leaker@lemmy.world 2 points 11 hours ago (1 children)
[–] forbiddencherry@lemmy.today 1 points 7 hours ago

🛁🧇🦶

[–] Sir_Premiumhengst@lemmy.world 1 points 11 hours ago

Assuming you're subscribed

[–] Lay@piefed.social 24 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Why on earth is there a gemini watermark on this?

[–] ayyy@sh.itjust.works 20 points 17 hours ago (1 children)
[–] Bongles@lemmy.zip 16 points 13 hours ago

What do you expect a person to go into their own bathroom (of which everyone has) and fake fail to open the toilet (that we all have) with the camera (that we all have on our phones)?!

Unreasonable!

[–] Lexam@lemmy.world 69 points 21 hours ago (6 children)

You already have a toilet subscription, it's called your water bill.

[–] elephantium@lemmy.world 2 points 6 hours ago

That was my thought when I saw this post

[–] markz@suppo.fi 21 points 20 hours ago (4 children)

You don't see the potential. Imagine what we can achieve once every toilet is connected to the cloud!

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 8 points 18 hours ago (2 children)

Wut? you guys don't use Copilot to shit yet? Are you stupid?

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[–] CIA_chatbot@lemmy.world 9 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

But what about second subscription. Don’t you care about the share holders?

[–] L7HM77@sh.itjust.works 6 points 16 hours ago (1 children)

I already have second subscription, it's the sewer bill. Should I consider getting third subscription?

[–] CIA_chatbot@lemmy.world 4 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Do it for the shareholders friend! And maybe even a 4th if 5th subscription! With overage fees and junk charges!

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world 2 points 14 hours ago* (last edited 14 hours ago)

Look I'm not going to do that but if you were to sell subscription toilets well under market rates for a long time using investor funds until you run normal toilet manufacturers out of business I'm not sure I'd have a choice.

[–] Gladaed@feddit.org 28 points 21 hours ago

Also, rent.

[–] Thorry@feddit.org 10 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago) (9 children)

I also pay specific sewage tax, which is legally required for anyone with a sewage connection to their home (where I live). And for people who don't, they probably have some kind of septic system where they pay for the materials and personnel to upkeep that.

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[–] BeMoreCareful@lemmy.world 30 points 19 hours ago

2048 and this guy has running water? Fake news!

[–] stickyprimer@lemmy.world 8 points 16 hours ago

Have you ever seen the play Urinetown?

This is the plot. Literally.

[–] nosuchanon@lemmy.world 2 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago)
[–] Lupus108@sh.itjust.works 11 points 18 hours ago (2 children)

You want people shitting in the streets? Because that's how you get people shitting in the streets.

[–] CADmonkey@lemmy.world 7 points 16 hours ago

Mailing turds to ToiletTech's CEO

[–] defrostedLasagna4921@piefed.zip 1 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

The woods as well. You know, where it's meant to go.

[–] teslekova@sh.itjust.works 1 points 8 hours ago

We're not all bears. We'll, I am, but my hips don't let me squat so good anymore.

[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 1 points 11 hours ago

The bathroom said, “Fifty cents, please. Before turning on the water.”

Ubik, P K Dick

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 1 points 11 hours ago

Wouldn't stop me.

[–] cyberpunk007@lemmy.ca 7 points 18 hours ago (4 children)

Thanks for giving them an idea

[–] Anonymous_Leaker@lemmy.world 2 points 12 hours ago

oopsie poopsie...

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[–] Slovene85@sh.itjust.works 5 points 18 hours ago

It's ok, just download the app and watch 15 ads for one flush.

[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 5 points 18 hours ago

I shit in Pirate Bay. Check and mate.

[–] vivalapivo@lemmy.today 11 points 21 hours ago (1 children)

Wait till these children learn that their toilet is subscription model indeed

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