Autism

Being allowed to do things my way, even if it makes no sense to others. I do lots of things differently to everyone else, because they work for me, and the people I live with are respectful of that. I've had to make lots of changes recently due to being in Autistic burnout, and that has resulted in me doing even more things "my way". Sometimes, when I'm struggling with speaking, it means saying things very briefly - one or two words, like "tea?" instead of "do you want a cup of tea?" or "out" when I need to leave a shop because it's overwhelming me. Other times, it's just being allowed to do my grounding routines, like getting my breakfast in peace, because I get muddled or distracted if someone is hovering round me in the kitchen while I do it.

Leave your phone on do-not-disturb, and inform anyone you give your number to that the phone is always on DND so they shouldn't expect you to answer or have an immediate response.

Never debate anything with strangers on the Internet. It's just a waste of time, as in the best case scenario nothing actually changes. It's not worth the time, frustration, emotional toll or being the target of insults. Just tell anyone looking to argue with you that they're right, that they're always right without exception, and then walk away.

Don't think of autism as a disease. It's just your personality. The stigma on autism make people "diagnosed" with it think they're weird.

The truth is: everyone is weird. It's just there's a bunch of weirdos trying to make you think you're weird so they can pretend they're "normal".

breathe and speak slower, it helps you think about what you’re going to say, avoiding over sharing

Headphones and loud music

For my adhd, slowing down. Taking slower options not always getting there as quickly as possible

Constantly reminding myself that if people do something all the time, I should be able to do it. I just need to figure out how they're doing it as the first step. Yeah I still embarrass myself sometimes but it's taken me a lot further than just avoiding doing things or ducking assignments because I was afraid of the consequences of not knowing what to do.

Explaining it to people. It's hard, but people eventually understand

I only speak to people when I'm not upset. If I get upset, I need at least 30 mins alone to calm down and if you try to communicate with me during that, you'll have a bad time. I also need time to prepare for and recover from social situations or overstimulating situations. Just those two have made a world of difference. I should also add that I have AuDHD, so it's a bit different than people with only autism.

Every morning I listen to a radio program. From monday to friday, the program follows the same schedule so I know without having to look at any watch, what am I doing during my morning routine. I know at what part of the program I brush my teeth, or heat the water for the tea, or do my skincare or leave the house.

Since the program is well structured and punctual, my schedule for the morning is well organized, I don't skip any step of it and am always on time. Something extremely important for me as if my morning routine fails for whatever reason, the rest of the day is guaranteed to be a mess.

I also have a shower playlist. My showers last 3 minutes, 4 tops. Having a playlist of songs no longer than 4 minutes, makes me know if I'm on time or I should already leave the shower.

Also, as others recommended, earplugs for when you need noise reduction. I use the Loop Switch ones as I can switch control the level of noise reduction with a small switch on them without having to take them off.

I look at and treat humanity as if I'm observing and interacting with wild animals.

This might be the ADHD more than anything, but making alarms on my phone changed my life. I used to forget important things all the time, but then I started making alarms for the most important stuff, and all of a sudden I stopped forgetting them!

Nowadays I'll make an alarm for everything. I said I'd go get groceries after I finish this episode of my TV show? Better make an alarm for 7 minutes from now. I'm going to the store to buy eggs? Better make an alarm titled "eggs" to go off at the store in case I get distracted by something.

At this point I open my alarms app automatically any time there's anything at all to remember. I have dozens of concurrent alarms, and it's great.

ear plugs. life changing.

Years ago my old vacuum cleaner finally broke and I was looking for a new one, but then my car broke down so instead of the new vacuum my money went to fixing the car. So I was without a vacuum and had to brush the floor clean.. And yeah. It's so, so, so much better. Quiet, doesn't get stuck, doesn't flip to it's back, no cord, doesn't smell like dust.. Now when I clean the floors I no longer feel THE ANGERY which would be enough to make me kill a kitten in the process.

Fuck vacuums. Unless you have carpet floor, you don't really need them. It's just marketing.

I use a broom with a shovely part and also a "squeegee" that is usually used to try the shower room floor. And I of course mop the floors between few months. Rugs I spank outdoors.

Only downside is that if I mention that I don't own a vacuum, it has made people call me gross and I have gotten questions like "do you even mop like ever!?" when I have already said that I use a brush instead. Almost no house has carpet floor in this country.

Just fuck vacuum cleaners. All my homies hate vacuum cleaners.

EDIT// Haha I think broom is better word than brush, I meant that one.

The best one so far was sitting down with my spouse and making lists:

• default grocery list
• 2nd list with low effort meal components in case we can't manage to cook. (A few are kept in the house but this is more for one to pick up for the other in times if need).
• priority chore list, including which ones we need both to keep an eye on because consequences of forgetting are too high, such as making sure credit cards are paid and the foundation drain system is checked.

This means if one of us just can't the other has a list of things they can take over, they know what can be dropped so they don't also get overwhelmed, as well as a list of items to grab to help the other meet their needs.

Another one that is very helpful is the ability to pause conversations and come back to them when we're more able to participate. We agree that conflicts and other serious discussions require us both to be able to listen and understand. If we can't do that, we are wasting time, getting stressed out, etc. We let the other know, and maybe throw it in the calendar to make sure we don't forget.

Wearing a mask. Oh my god. People finally stopped commenting on my stupid face. No more "why so sad?" Or "it can't be that bad" or "cheer up" or "where's a smile!" Just leave my fucking resting sad bitch face alone! And now they doooooo and its so much better because I don't have to devote brain power to remembering idiots care about my mouth at all.

Rejecting society standard about "good living habits" and just do what I can

These are the things that help me: Earplugs. I prefer these ones https://www.amazon.ca/3M-Non-corded-Disposable-Earplugs-Pairs/dp/B000I7LH8Y but you might have some luck with Loops as well. I would like those except they don't fit one of my ears very well.

Light-filtering Glasses. Sunglasses are good for outdooes, but I also have a pair of FL-41 coated glasses. They are meant for migraine sufferers, but I swear they make processing easier when I wear them. https://www.theraspecs.com/fl-41-glasses/

Stop trying to live your life according to the standard, accepted template. It's really important to decide what you value in life and reject the judgments of others. You have to figure out how to be okay with, or enjoy, being outcast. It's not so bad once you figure that out. https://www.amazon.ca/Courage-Be-Disliked-Phenomenon-Happiness/dp/1668069539

Wearing exclusively loose/comfortable clothing, and having short hair.

Suddenly I had more mental bandwidth for a lot since I wasn’t constantly stressed by subconsciously processing extra sensory input.

YMMV to personal taste; adjust accordingly.

Stop catering to the expectations neurotypicals seem to have. You will never do right by them. Accept that they're usually wrong about things when it comes to what you can and cannot do, and do your best to tune them out any way you can. You know what you can and cannot do. Don't let them dictate where your limits lie.

When talking to people try to see what they want. Do they wanna hear a story? They want advice? They want an ear to do catharsis? Sometimes just ask even. Sounds stupid to ask but it helps. Using that one as a segway. People just sometimes assume that something is like that if you say it with enough confidence I learned a little bit of acting so I go by the character and pretend I have the confidence. One great example I used loads of time at work is sometimes I go to some people and if I say "ya know I have my stupid question of the week voucher and I'm gonna use it with you" then ask whatever I need to know usually when I think they assume I know something I do not really know. Trick is I totally invented that dynamic and I do not keep track of it and ask away.

Instead of avoiding eye contact, focus on the bridge of their nose.

They can’t tell you aren’t looking them in the eye.

Getting a pair of glasses with FL-41 lenses.