this post was submitted on 24 Jan 2024
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Not The Onion

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[–] n3m37h@lemmy.world 31 points 9 months ago

God just said you deserve to be kicked in the testicles by every victim

[–] beebarfbadger@lemmy.world 25 points 9 months ago

"Ah, well then. case closed. Give the man a pat on the back for being such a good Christian and we can finish up here. Let's instead go get some witness statements on that psycho we found slaughtering everyone in that orphanage."

"No need, sir. That case is closed."

"Huh? How so?"

"He said the Lord told him to do it."

"Hot diggity! Free afternoon!"

[–] friend_of_satan@lemmy.world 22 points 9 months ago* (last edited 9 months ago) (1 children)

God told him people would become wealthy if they invested, the Colorado Division of Securities said in a statement Thursday.

God must be lying again, just like with the original sin when he told Adam and Eve they would die if they ate the fruit of the tree, but they ate it and didn't die. You know who told the truth though? Lucifer. https://atheism.fandom.com/wiki/Original_sin

[–] kboy101222@sh.itjust.works 15 points 9 months ago

As an atheist, the thought of the "atheist fandom" is extremely funny to me

[–] DogPeePoo@lemm.ee 15 points 9 months ago

Magic sky Daddy will send you 2 bitcoin for every 1 you send now

*certain restrictions apply *see Bible for details

[–] squiblet@kbin.social 8 points 9 months ago

It’s sad how certain people automatically believe it when someone says something like that

[–] xx3rawr@sh.itjust.works 4 points 9 months ago

Should've invested in HesuCrypto instead

[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 2 points 9 months ago

Well, the lord is telling us that scamming people will land you a place in hell. But you do you.