I'm polyamorous. Working out calendars 2-3 weeks in advance gets very tiring.
this post was submitted on 31 Jul 2026
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A lot of straight cis men seek out gay trans men, as if we are just tomboys. Getting called “she”/“her,” dealing with their insecurities about being attracted to a man, a general denial of who I am…
The smells
All the goddamn lying.
every year I get a little older, a little more damaged, and a little less desirable; and the age bracket of people I'd be interested in get more baggage of their own and have more expectations of a potential partner. I'm in my late 20s living with family, and nobody really wants to date me already; I can't fathom that will improve any in the future being a 30-something living with family (as I will likely still be too poor to leave).
Probably gonna die alone. Can't wait, this place sucks anyhow.
Looking at late 20s as old blows my mind. I looked at a genealogy site and so many of my ancestresses married in their late 20s. I was surprised by that but apparently it's never been uncommon. My mom too, she married around age 30.
yeah no I haven't even managed to lose my v-card or really even have a meaningful romantic relationship, about the closest I came was someone leading me on and playing mind games with me for a few months. 🙃
Given my success so far, it's easy to extrapolate "when will I find the one?" to "probably never".
This is unsolicited advice so feel free to ignore, especially if it sounds "twee."
What i think helps is:
- having a positive mindset, because it's almost like people can sense when you are yearning to get into a relationship
- in the same vein, treat potential mates as potential good friends. Your first few meetings with them is like their "informal interviews for being a friend." You can invite them on a date (or just to do something together as friends)^1^ which is the final interview, which lets them get the higher position in your social circle.
- I don't say that to complicate what should already be simple; firstly, it's getting not simple in this day age, because people don't know what to do with all the dating apps and SM. Secondly, the message is just create a more relaxed low pressure atmosphere for them
- to revisit the first point - this is just something many people say, and i have experienced in my own life: stop seeking a partner and one will stumble into your life. This might be why people already committed relationships get a lot of attention; they seem self satisfied.
I also just want to say that more people are in your position than you think ❤️. Zoomed are the most sexless and relationship generation, after all.
Yes, actually I've ceased actively looking for a partner for the better part of a year now. Little has changed, except I now have fewer apps on my phone. (I do still maintain one dating profile on an open source app but I check it on the order of twice a year because the app is dead, feel free to guess which)
More room for memes is cool, I guess
also I've tried solicited advice and it rarely helps either, so I don't really care. It's on me whether I follow it, and terrible advice is usually not subtle to everyone reading in a public forum. Do your worst, none of us are getting any younger.
late 20s is when a lot of my friends gave up on what they thought were their ideal partners and ended up happy with people they never considered in the past.
Oh my, I actually thought people got less picky when they went longer without getting married. Mixed messages I suppose.
i’m in my late 20s living with family, and nobody really wants to date me already
There'll be more people in the same situation soon, if that's any consolation. I'm living with my family during uni and might even be stuck here for a while afterwards.
The way it requires socially navigating talking to another person.
Being around people feels like I'm holding my breath. Anyone. Even the person I've been dating for over a decade. But I need so desperately to be alone so I can breathe.
When people mistreat their significant others it triggers something in me. I overcompensate, doting on my SO. I make dinner, bake treats, clean, take care of doggo, and work full time. I get from Friday night to noon on Saturday for myself, and those are the only hours of the week where I feel like I can relax.
I care about my partners. I only want the best for them, but I'm so tired.
My least favorite thing about love is losing the people I love, no matter how they were lost
Uhh... you... you didn't murder them did you?
Uhh… No, this world did
The actual dating part. Aside from 2 relationships I had in my high school days, everyone I dated I met through dating apps and it just feels forced. Like, we didn't meet naturally and know literally nothing about each other, so it just feels like work to accomplish a goal and not having fun with a friend. So much effort is spent getting to know the other person and it kinda feels like a job. I wish I could skip that part and just be in the "best friends that have sex" phase forever.
I love getting to know new people. Especially in the context of sexual tension. People are so interesting when it's about themselves, their emotions, worldviews and preferences.
Getting to know what people are genuinely excited about is always fun! To me at least.
Dating apps make me SICK. They should be wiped out. All of us who oppose them should form our own microstate; we're anti AI, anti dating apps, I'm sure there's a lot more common ground than that.
Even though i don't think I believe in "soulmates" I'm scared that the suitors best suited for me are going to never meet me because women my age seem afraid of relationships that aren't struck up via dating app.
Someone showed interest in me then gave me the cold shoulder because apparently not having social media means I'm not "on the dating market"? I'm worried it will happen again ad infinitum, basically.
Maybe don't force it? Just hang out with them. If it's fun, do it again.
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The „what are we to each other“ phase. Granted, that’s probably more of an issue for me than most others because I‘m poly / non-monogamous, so the expectation that intense flirting leads to more often isn’t there.
I‘ve been in so many situations where both sides were unsure how far the other side wants to go. Do I just kiss them? Do I ask for a kiss? Do I call them my partner? Would openly asking scare them away? Do I fuck up by not doing any of that? Sometimes it feels like two teenagers in a romance story who are very much into each other but too scared to do anything about it.
In one case it has been going for years. We flirt a lot, we hug and cuddle and for a while we kissed every time we met. Then I said „I love you“ and they got scared that those words come with expectations. We talked about it but no more kisses so far.
I usually get told to slow down, didn't realise at first that there was any societal expectation not to just show as much passion as you're feeling. I guess it stems from women wanting their male mates to demonstrate an ability to have self control, as that's desirable in a mate and men tend more to rush towards physical things - and the same also applies for gay couples, i'm sure.
The fact that not every hot person wants to fuck me. It is truly the great tragedy of my life.
Right now, I've gotten attached enough to get sad when he leaves. And like, we live apart, so he has to leave every time.
Time to wife him then.
The expectation on me to be the instigator/aggressor in all interactions. In either connotation of that statement
Yes it's -_-
it also means all fault and responsibility is in your camp, and the other person considers themselves blameless in all things.
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I never liked "dating" at all, my two long relationships grew from sexual hookups. Going out with someone with an intent to grow it just bothers me, how in the world can you know? Just have fun and something will stick.
Worst part is breakup or even worse, death. The end is the worst part, even if it's gotten so bad you need it to end.
I hate when a person goes from being your best friend to someone who's just around after they've got what they wanted out of the relationship.
The "getting to know you" phase. All the same questions and answers, where are you from, what are your hobbies, how many brothers and sisters do you have, giving the same answers as always but pretending not be bored by it.
Things are much better once you either get past that stage or mutually decide it doesn't matter and just get to what you came for
I personally don't mind that. I must be a really pro-small talk person. Or socially deprived already.
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Not having them but having to hear other people talk about them constantly.
Apps.
They’re like, a whole different person with different wants and needs than me, so like, I have to listen to them and communicate and sometimes I even have to do things I don’t want to just because they do? It’s all very annoying and it would be much easier if they just thought and did everything just the way I wanted all the time.
Have you seen What We Do in the Shadows (TV series)? That didn't work out too well for Nandor.
I have 2 kids as well as my wife, so I now have 3 other whole separate people whose wants and needs I have to consider. I love my wife and kids dearly and wouldn't want to live without them, but single life was much easier in some regards.
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Let you know when I'm in one.
the fact many folks complete lose all moral compass, common sense, and reason when it comes to romantic relationships. and thus end up in destructive patterns to themselves and others.
blows my mind how like, many of my exes were upstanding folks to the outside world, but when it came to me and our relationship, lying, cheating, stealing, hypocrisy and all that was 100% justified, because feelings.
the terrifying thing is that now on first dates people like straight up lead with how hypocritical and abusive they are and think there is nothing wrong with it, because the internet told them it was good to be that way.
the terrifying thing is that now on first dates people like straight up lead with how hypocritical and abusive they are and think there is nothing wrong with it, because the internet told them it was good to be that way.
Do you have examples of this? It sounds interesting but I don't totally get what you're talking about yet
look at any dating advice on social media. it's all about how to manipulate and abuse people to get money or sex out of them.
The fact I've not had anything like that in as long as I've lived, and I'm no teen anymore
Knowing that one if us will be without the other when one of us eventually dies first at some unknown point in the future hopefully from old age. It certainly beats the alternative though of not having met and fallen in love.
Everything about relationships suck except for the step where they feel like your best friend (or one of)
It takes a lot of effort to get there and most relationships do not make it there
First intimate milestones are always fun
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The risk of swimming through an ocean of crazy people, scammers, bots, and worse to find the right partner.
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