this post was submitted on 21 Aug 2023
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[–] bloopernova@programming.dev 53 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (10 children)

Lisp. All is Lisp.

Data's entire consciousness was written as an Emacs package.

Klingons program in Brainfuck. A Warrior's Language!

Vulcans exclusively use APL.

The F in Ferengi stands for Fortran.

Python is banned across the known galaxy. If your race is discovered using it, your planet is immediately bombarded until the entire crust is molten.

Cardassians use Haskell because they're evil.

[–] zeet@lemmy.world 39 points 2 years ago (2 children)
[–] bloopernova@programming.dev 14 points 2 years ago

Holy shit you win, lol

[–] shutz@lemmy.ca 8 points 2 years ago

That's what the Pakled use. The best of them actually use QuickBasic to "make it go faster".

[–] Ensign_Crab@lemmy.world 19 points 2 years ago (1 children)

The F in Ferengi stands for Fortran.

If Ferengi were to use a language that old, you'd think it would be the COmmon Business-Oriented Language.

[–] cheery_coffee@lemmy.ca 6 points 2 years ago

And it would cost money to license the compiler, like Intel.

[–] MajorHavoc@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago

Just to add - obviously all Ferengi programs run on a Blockchain, and are riddled with microtransactions.

[–] MajorHavoc@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I'll just add that Data was previously built as a Vi plugin, but it was evil, so Doctor Soong disassembled it and shut it down. A lot of trouble could have been saved it Dr Soong had learned how to actually exit Vi.

[–] zaphod@feddit.de 3 points 2 years ago

Evil as in emacs evil-mode?

[–] Haywire@lemm.ee 5 points 2 years ago

The Q continum uses forth.

[–] ZenkorSoraz@lemmy.ml 5 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Are you sure? They might have learned something then. Or did they get stuck with a turtle-logic compiler instead?

[–] interolivary@beehaw.org 2 points 2 years ago

PHP was invented by a Pakled

[–] directive0@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] bloopernova@programming.dev 16 points 2 years ago (1 children)

The reason has been purged, intentionally forgotten. Vulcans train their entire lives to take on a dangerous task: once every 66 years, the very best of the best view the reason why Python is banned. Once viewed, the Vulcan confirms that it is indeed a just and necessary action to ban the ancient language.

After the task is complete, the Vulcan goes utterly, irretrievably insane and dies mere hours later.

[–] cheery_coffee@lemmy.ca 8 points 2 years ago (2 children)

It’s the GIL isn’t it?

I think Vulcans wouldn’t develop any higher order languages, as programming in assembly with some solid logic is free from leaky abstractions.

[–] MajorHavoc@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (3 children)

It's clearly because someone had to work with the Python logging package. Or had to call subprocess.

[–] cheery_coffee@lemmy.ca 3 points 2 years ago

Subprocess is great, just UTF8 encode your strings and never ever ever pass input or receive output from the sub process.

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[–] StillPaisleyCat@startrek.website 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I’m going with Vulcans using APL*. Why create a language that makes you do more than just write the equations?

[–] michaelgemar@mstdn.ca 3 points 2 years ago (1 children)

@StillPaisleyCat @startrek Of *course* their programming language would require a special keyboard.

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[–] startrek@hub.hubzilla.de 3 points 2 years ago

@bloopernova Wouldn't the Vulcans prefer Prolog?

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[–] nickwitha_k@lemmy.sdf.org 36 points 2 years ago (4 children)
[–] cheery_coffee@lemmy.ca 31 points 2 years ago (2 children)

There’s an episode in DS9 where OBrien mentions an issue caused by a pointer fault in the holosuite.

To me this is canon.

[–] emptyother@programming.dev 9 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Yeah, my C programs too tend to randomly evolve sentience.

[–] cheery_coffee@lemmy.ca 4 points 2 years ago

You're probably not using enough global variables

[–] Moc@lemmy.world 4 points 2 years ago

SMH should have rewritten in Rust

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[–] WhoRoger@lemmy.world 25 points 2 years ago (5 children)

Have you seen how people do programming? We see lots of it in Voyager around holograms. It's basically today's AI programming assistants on steroids. everything probably uses some fucking 300 years JavaScript as a basis, and that's why everything keeps breaking all the time.

[–] TootSweet@lemmy.world 19 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I really want to see an episode of Lower Decks where the captain watches engineers write programs, comes to the conclusion that "programming is just talking to the computer -- I can do that" and fires all the engineers (or transfers them to other functions.)

[–] JWBananas@startrek.website 8 points 2 years ago

Thanks, I read it in Freeman's voice.

[–] djmarcone@lemm.ee 10 points 2 years ago

Yeah they just tell the computer what they want. They're prompt engineers hundreds of years in the future. Programming, replicator, holodeck, lights in the quarters, whatever. Makes you wonder what all the button pushing is on the bridge. Maybe because it's quieter than everyone talking over each other?

[–] MajorHavoc@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

Thank you for plausibly explaining every holodeck episode. That's canon for me now.

[–] hamburglar26@wilbo.tech 2 points 2 years ago (1 children)

One million lines of BASIC!

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[–] kool_newt@lemm.ee 9 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)
[–] xilliah@beehaw.org 8 points 2 years ago

Honestly I've always imagined them using a more natural interface just like when they speak to the computer. So when they run commands it's essentially ai driven, and so is what they see on their screens. Why ever touch a piece of code when an ai can manage it for you and offers a natural interface with flexibility. It would simply be inefficient to do it any other way.

[–] Moc@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago (1 children)

You know it’s JavaScript

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[–] Xtallll@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 2 years ago

lieutenant commander data structures.

[–] tobimai@startrek.website 6 points 2 years ago

Polarity reversal

[–] cerement@slrpnk.net 5 points 2 years ago
[–] ElGosso@hexbear.net 5 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

The only example given on Memory Alpha is a decompiled section of StuxNet https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Programming_code so that implies that C and C++ are both still in use

[–] Flyberius@hexbear.net 4 points 2 years ago (3 children)

Not a language, but isn't there some beta canon somewhere that states that LCARS is a derivative of Linux or something?

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[–] michaelgemar@mstdn.ca 4 points 2 years ago

@ZenkorSoraz To paraphrase a developer from the ‘80s: “I don't know what the language of the future will look like, but I know it will be called Fortran.”

[–] CADmonkey@lemmy.world 3 points 2 years ago

If it's the original series, one has to assume that whatever programming is done, is done on a teletype. Nowhere in Star Trek:TOS is there a screen with words on it, because when the show was made... screens with words on them weren't how you got info from a computer.

[–] bhamlin@lemmy.world 2 points 2 years ago

Rust. Everything is eventually becoming crabs.

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