DillyDaily

See this way of thinking has actually landed me in a pretty bad place with my mental health.

"I'm in charge of my own emotions" is not something an autistic person with rigid lines of thinking should internalise, but I did.

As a result I never gave myself permission to feel negative emotions, because who wants to feel negative about anything if they don't have to?

It seemed so smart and healthy, just be happy, that's what everyone always says about the easy fix to mental health. It was easy too, regardless what was happening around me, if I pictured myself feeling happy, I'd feel happy.

I'm in my 30s and regularly mistake sensations with other sensations (am I tired or do I need to pee? They both cause a headache) and also I think all my negative emotions are skipping my brain entirely and coming out my arse in the form of IBS.

I can't picture myself feeling sad to experience sad because I .....don't remember what sad feels like.

I remember what vomiting feels like, because that's how my body has reacted to "sad" recently.

I can see how it's directly linked to "people are out there shooting CEOs for this, you're next" is threatening, but I dont see how the language of the threat implies that the person saying the threat has any intention to also be the shooter, and not just that they wish and believe that a shooter is out there with this CEO on their hit list.

This, if anything it might clarify a few confusing exchanges we've had in the past, and it will certainly help me be a better friend in the the future.

If I already know you, I know you, I'm choosing to be friends with you because of how you treat me and how you treat others when we hang out together. If I had any problems with that, I wouldn't be friends long enough to hear you tell me about your NPD diagnosis.

Now that said, I've had friends tell me about a diagnosis and it shouldn't change anything, but now that the diagnosis is out in the open they want it to change things and I can't offer that to the friendship, such as compromising on my own boundaries (eg: I had a friend who after explaining their condition asked me to provide tone indicators for everything I say, but I have alexithymia so that was really difficult for me to do and I couldn't adjust my behaviour to meet the new expectations of the friendship, so we faded out of each other's lives, they told people I stopped being friends with them because of their anxiety disorder... No it's because I couldn't meet the changed expectations of the friendship, describing my emotions every minute is hard for me and I choose not to be friends with people who require me to do that for their comfort)

"you people are next" doesn't sound direct to me because "next" for what? Next for a random vigilante to shoot, next to die in general, next to face bad PR?

My interpretation also leaves no room to imply I'll be the one actioning whatever the "next" thing is. I'd use "you're next" in the same use case as "karma will get you" or "the universe will balance out your luck" it's more of a cosmic wish than a rise to action.

It's not just about the money, seeing the UHC letter in your mailbox when you are not expecting it will bring back flashes of that night and that trauma.

It's like knocking on the door of a veteran at random intervals throughout the year too show them pictures of the war. It's dehumanising.

This comment thread now feels uniquely American.

I have never heard those songs, in the 90s at school and scout camps in Australia we would sing Ging Gang Goolie, Alice the Camel, and Ain't no Flies.

Also for some reason we would chant about how ugly and unlovable we are and resign ourselves to eating worms.... Children's songs are so unhinged.

Super old? 2016?

Brisbane? Their metro is literally a bus 😂 the council are so proud of it too.

Our public transport in Vic leaves much to be desired but at least we have a well developed tram system that reduces the number of tyres in the collective fleet.

We did just outlaw e-scooters which was necessary because the infrastructure and community education wasn't there and it was dangerous. But long term e-scooters do serve a place in a less car reliant community. Bike infrastructure investment is decades behind what it needs to be.

Much like everywhere, the oversized nature of "yank tanks" seems to be a large factor in every single thing wrong with cars and car infrastructure these days.

Smaller, lighter cars don't wear through their tyres as fast 🤷

People's work preferences are their own, these guys are having fun, good for them.

I always maintained I can't work from home, I was forced to teach via zoom during lock downs and even now my job is hybrid, I teach in person in a shared classroom but I don't have an office, I do all my prep and notes from home. Only I don't. My productivity genuinely dropped when I lost my office.

Then I house sat for a friend who had a home office and I realised I can work from home, just not my home, because it's not set up for work and my head space in my home can't flip to that "productive mode".

So now I go to the local library, which is better than my house but still not as good as an office because it's still distracting.

But it depends on the type of work, I prefer lesson planning alone in quiet peace, I get so much done, but when we're developing community events I love being in our open staff room with laptops out, some of us sitting on the floor, others standing and just shooting ideas around, we always get so much done.

But I've worked in other centres where that level of collaboration and communication wasn't there - we didn't have the right mix of personality types, and a workplace like my current staffroom would be chaos and nothing would get done.

Gay lead; when being a stone top just isn't hard enough.

I'd had the same recurring dream since early highschool. It was dream like in that it was a true labyrinth that mademoiselle no structuralism sense, walking around in the dream was ethereal, but the objects within were mundane, the toilets were broken or dirty in ways that could be reality not fantasy, but I always knew it was a dream, and for me it wasn't panicked, it was just helplessly frustrating.

Because it was so recurring (at one point I was having this dream weekly) I told every therapist I ever had and they'll all suggested it was about performance anxiety, since many of the toilets were missing doors, or contamination anxiety, or even just having a full bladder before bed. None of that really resonated.

It was in my 20s, having lunch with and old friend, they'd brought their new partner and we got talking about recurring dreams somehow. We covered the usual, the teeth falling out dream, the highschool exam you never studied for that you're also naked for, etc. I start describing the toilet labyrinth, specifically mentioning that I'm not panicked in the dream, in just confused and frustrated, and this new guy excitedly exclaims "you've got an undiagnosed disability, I guarantee it". He was half right, I was diagnosed, but I didn't have any support systems because I'm broke.

The toilet labyrinth is a very common stress dream, but everyone has a slightly different response to it, and it's motivated by different factors. For some people it's performance anxiety, for some people it's health anxiety. Sometimes it's a fear that your private secrets will cause public shame if they got out. In my case it was my subconscious asking the question "how is everyone else making this look easy? how is everyone else able to do this? The tools I've been given fundamentally don't work! why do people keep staring at me like I'm the idiot for not being able to use a broken toilet? why is no one else talking about how to broken and unusable these toilets are? How is it everyone else managing to do this!?" because I in my real life I was trying to keep up with the able bodied peers while disabled with no support, and I wasn't eligible for support so it was very much "but how do I do anything when I don't have the tools? Stop asking me to jump, and punishing me for not jumping when I have no legs to jump with"

(I have legs, that's just a metaphor)

As if there wouldn't be a black market for menthols if they were the only product to be banned.