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I think based on past experiences I have a major fear of abandonment, and I see every ending as being abandoned. I also have little to no confidence in my ability to meet anyone new. I feel like each time it happens that was my last chance.
It’s good to have that awareness. Fear of abandonment doesn’t just moderate how we connect with people, it moderates how we feel about connection, during connection, etc.
I’m not the biggest fan of CBT - I think it can be used in a way that’s too clinical rather than felt - but wading into the beliefs you have about abandonment and self-worth can be very valuable. We can’t confront something until we shine a light on it.
Once the beliefs and feelings are labeled to some extent, the next step with CBT could be to identify the cognitive (C) distortions in those beliefs and then explore what a more balanced substitute could look like. Then by examining the behavioural (B) influence those beliefs had on you, you can try out new behaviours too. That kind of therapy (T) can help flush emotional states that have been stuck for some time.
But the mechanics of CBT aren’t enough. A well attuned therapist is what makes it more than the sum of its parts.