this post was submitted on 02 Nov 2026
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So four year olds shouldn't defend themselves from physical violence?
They should be taught how to resolve conflict without hitting.
Based on what I've read here, I think that's been tried and doesn't work. Until it does, that four year old gets to go out in the world with fear, with the adults around seeming to be unable or unwilling to help.
When my kids were younger, and had these very same troubles, I told them what I was doing that they might not have been able to see, and that they shouldn't start a fight but they had every right to finish one, and that I'd stand behind them if it came to that.
Just having the confidence that they could defend themselves in the moment helped a lot.
Sending a 4 year old out with the message that they can alleviate their fear by being violent only breeds more violence.
I wish I lived in the ideal world that you live in.
If they were 12 you might have a point, but at 5 kids are still malleable enough that teaching nonviolent conflict resolution is realistic and can have lasting impact
I previously mentioned that that's not working. Or if it's "going to take time" , the kid is getting punched on the regular until then.
Yes, kids should learn to seek nonviolent solutions. They should also be taught not to allow other people to abuse them. Stopping or preventing such abuse may well require the judicious use of violence or the legitimate threat of it.
The world where girls and women are raped at extremely high rates by men? By violent men? By men that are taught that they can restore their pride and self-esteem by enacting violence on others?
Yeah, come live in this world with me.
I've never said anything about gender here.
The original commentator that you're defending did.
Okay so let's imagine it was a four year old girl getting bullied by a five year old boy. My position would be the same.
She shouldn't be taught to hit back either! They're 4 years old
Again, in an ideal world you would be right. But that's not the world we live in. Yes, seek nonviolent solutions first. But pacifism only tells the bad people that they can abuse you with impunity.
Which is exactly what's happening.
They are 4 years old
They are being punched.
And the teachers need to do something about that. Teaching this little boy to hit back when he's scared isn't going to solve the problem you think it is. It's going to cause more problems for that boy in his life.
Right now he's being taught that hitting kids is okay because someone is hitting him and nothing is being done about it.
You're right. He should just tell her that it makes him feel bad when she does that. That'll work.
The adults need to take more action.
It probably would work because small children are incredibly empathetic when you communicate effectively. They understand boo-boos and that they don’t like to be hit, so they shouldn’t hit. It takes patience and consistency. Something that violent people don’t have much practice in.
Patience and consistency and getting hit all the time while you wait.