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What are the odds he just can't grow a beard and is weirdly insecure about it?
Nah, he's just a fucking racist targeting black people (which it's odd this article doesn't mention, right alongside with Sikhs).
https://www.military.com/daily-news/2025/06/27/new-army-shaving-policy-will-allow-soldiers-skin-condition-affects-mostly-black-men-be-kicked-out.html
Huh, apparently he used to have one when he was on Fox News but they made him shave it: https://www.foxnews.com/video/5829694071001
And yeah you can see it's kind of patchy, in the image in OP's article too. But I don't think it's insecurity because he was on live national TV like that. (I also found pictures of him with stubble and he actually looks good like that. But no, the culture war takes priority.)
Must be a leftover policy from Fox Entertainment stuck in his head.
After all, Trump's entire cabinet is just Fox Entertainment on a global scale, figuratively and literally.
Man it took me way too long to realize the goatee fad in the 00s was because most tweens couldn't grow a full beard.
I thought the Joe Dirt:
Was a complete joke, and didn't have one foot in reality.
Relevant sketch