this post was submitted on 17 Apr 2026
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[–] BrianTheeBiscuiteer@lemmy.world 253 points 2 days ago (2 children)

The party of conspiracy theories is finally catching on to this one. 😮‍💨

[–] FiniteBanjo@feddit.online 116 points 2 days ago (5 children)

Well, the previous theory they held was that God redirected this bullet away from the great and holy warrior Trump and into an evil and unrepentant volunteer firefighter at his rally.

But even they are finding that harder to believe every day.

[–] jasoman@lemmy.world 22 points 2 days ago (2 children)
[–] vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 28 points 2 days ago (3 children)

The devil may be evil but professionals have standards. Perhaps Trump is protected by a god who is also a rapist like Zeus.

[–] My_IFAKs___gone@lemmy.world 15 points 2 days ago (1 children)

The Greek gods did quite enjoy playing with the mortals for their own, often sadistic, entertainment. Trump is probably their favorite comedic character in the currently ongoing production.

[–] vaultdweller013@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 days ago (2 children)

I'm pretty sure the only chill gods in Greek mythology are Hephaestus, Hades and Persephone, and weirdly enough Dionysus since he is just the god of sex, drugs, and rock and roll also crippling madness.

[–] bitjunkie@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

sex, drugs, and rock and roll also crippling madness

I mean have you heard stories from the 60s-70s? I'm thoroughly convinced the only reason this isn't part of the slogan is it wouldn't fit on a shirt.

Honestly yeah. Fun fact I've on more than one occasion have considered making lore for a Slaaneshi Ultramarine warband based on the Dionysian Mysteries with some 1970s aesthetics mixed in. Haven't quite gotten how I'd want them to look down though.

[–] Bbbbbbbbbbb@lemmy.world 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Ares, while of course being the god of War, was never accused of being a rapist, but he did murder someone trying to rape his daughter.

Based and dad pilled Ares. Fun fact he was also married to Warlike Aphrodite over in Sparta, which explains why perpetual cheat is part of both of their characters given how Athenians were the ones writing things down.

[–] Rhaedas@fedia.io 10 points 2 days ago

They watch out after their own kind.

[–] FiniteBanjo@feddit.online 4 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Why wouldn't the devil save his own son?

[–] nightwatch_admin@lemmy.world 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I don’t think Satan would appreciate orange caligula for a son…

[–] FiniteBanjo@feddit.online 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

So was Caligula didn't save him.

[–] jif@piefed.ca 13 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Let's not assume the devil would stoop so low

Yeah bro has standards.

And yet God didn't spare JFK, MLK Jr, Charlie Kirk, or Ashli Babbitt. It's almost like God has absolutely no involvement in these things. 🤔

[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

One of the heads of the beast seemed to have had a fatal wound, but the fatal wound had been healed. The whole world was filled with wonder and followed the beast. People worshiped the dragon because he had given authority to the beast, and they also worshiped the beast and asked, “Who is like the beast? Who can wage war against it?”

The beast was given a mouth to utter proud words and blasphemies and to exercise its authority for forty-two months. It opened its mouth to blaspheme God, and to slander his name and his dwelling place and those who live in heaven. It was given power to wage war against God’s holy people and to conquer them. And it was given authority over every tribe, people, language and nation. All inhabitants of the earth will worship the beast—all whose names have not been written in the Lamb’s book of life, the Lamb who was slain from the creation of the world.

[–] Earthman_Jim@lemmy.zip 3 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Trump is the beast and AI is the Anti-Christ.

Peter Thiel is the devil.

I don't actually believe this, but it does work shockingly well.

[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Then I saw a second beast, coming out of the earth. It had two horns like a lamb, but it spoke like a dragon. It exercised all the authority of the first beast on its behalf, and made the earth and its inhabitants worship the first beast, whose fatal wound had been healed. And it performed great signs, even causing fire to come down from heaven to the earth in full view of the people. Because of the signs it was given power to perform on behalf of the first beast, it deceived the inhabitants of the earth. It ordered them to set up an image in honor of the beast who was wounded by the sword and yet lived. The second beast was given power to give breath to the image of the first beast, so that the image could speak and cause all who refused to worship the image to be killed. It also forced all people, great and small, rich and poor, free and slave, to receive a mark on their right hands or on their foreheads, so that they could not buy or sell unless they had the mark, which is the name of the beast or the number of its name.

[–] Earthman_Jim@lemmy.zip 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Only one problem, more and more people think Trump is an idiot every day.

[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Then I saw another angel flying in midair, and he had the eternal gospel to proclaim to those who live on the earth—to every nation, tribe, language and people. He said in a loud voice, “Fear God and give him glory, because the hour of his judgment has come. Worship him who made the heavens, the earth, the sea and the springs of water.”

A second angel followed and said, “‘Fallen! Fallen is Babylon the Great,’ which made all the nations drink the maddening wine of her adulteries.”

A third angel followed them and said in a loud voice: “If anyone worships the beast and its image and receives its mark on their forehead or on their hand, they, too, will drink the wine of God’s fury, which has been poured full strength into the cup of his wrath. They will be tormented with burning sulfur in the presence of the holy angels and of the Lamb. And the smoke of their torment will rise for ever and ever. There will be no rest day or night for those who worship the beast and its image, or for anyone who receives the mark of its name.”

[–] Earthman_Jim@lemmy.zip 1 points 2 days ago (1 children)

If that happens I'll buy you a beer, my friend.

[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 2 points 2 days ago

Oh, I don't actually believe in it either. I just think some of the parallels are uncanny, and I also like to turn the message against maga, because they've appropriated so much of the imagery for their death cult.

[–] GutterRat42@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

Is this why they are quoting Ezekiel 25:17?

[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago

God redirected this bullet away from the great and holy warrior Trump

I always preferred this explanation better.

[–] floofloof@lemmy.ca 54 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (2 children)

They think he staged his own fake assassination, while also blaming Jews and remaining staunch Trump supporters. So just the usual incoherent cultish mumblings, not any actual insight or any movement away from him.

[–] CharlesDarwin@lemmy.world 21 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Blaming TEH JOOOZ is never too far off when discussing conspiracy theories.

What I hate about some of these people waking the fuck up about Israel with the bullshit America-Israel attack on Iran, is that for some of them, it only validates their feelings on Jews because they are too stupid to separate some Jewish cabal notion from matters of foreign policy for nations like the United States and Israel...sigh.

[–] Jax@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

Unfortunately you seem to use something called 'your brain' to conjure your own reasoning of the world around you. The average conspiracy theorist does not do this. The average conspiracy theorist believes that they're the main character and everyone else is just drifting through life waiting to bear witness to their glory.