this post was submitted on 11 Jun 2026
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A year ago I broke up with my gf of 8 years after finding out she cheated on me and had been for a long time.

I quite literally have zero friends remaining at this point. Every single mutual friend has stayed friends with her and completely ghosted me. I can only suspect I've been slandered and that's why nobody wants anything to do with me anymore. I tried going to local shows as that was my community but it's completely sucked the fun out of things because it's a small city and there's always eyes on me from different corners of the room like I've done something wrong and I don't feel welcome anymore. So I've just stopped attending concerts which used to be my safe space. Standing by myself watching the band while people stare a hole in the side of my head isn't exactly enjoyable.

My lived experience has now taught me that 90% of people are cheaters, liars, and thieves, and while I know that's not reality, it's fundamentally changed the way I approach friendships. I don't open up to people anymore because I don't trust anyone anymore.

I don't think or care about my ex but the friends who ghosted me still cause daily intrusive thoughts. I don't know why I've been abandoned. No closure and no way to defend myself. I never expected how much more it hurts to lose friends than it does to lose a partner.

I miss my friends but they've proven they don't care about me so when they inevitably reach out to me there's no way I'll be able to forgive.

Probably I need to go back to therapy again but just curious if anyone has experienced similar.

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[–] Vanth@reddthat.com 17 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 4 hours ago) (4 children)

Is the breakup and ending of friendships related to the rape accusations levied against you that you posted about 20 days ago?

https://lemmy.ca/comment/23387798

Burying the lede there a bit if that's the fuller context to your situation.

Edit: I'm not saying I think you're a rapist. I don't have enough information to formulate an opinion responsibly. I'm pointing out your former friends seem to have that perception, so that might contribute to you feeling like they're all staring a hole into the side of your head.

I'm going to apply a user tag and stop engaging now. Arguing with me is not where you need to spend your energy, nor I with you.

[–] garbagebagel@lemmy.world 3 points 3 hours ago

I've tagged you as 'reasonable human??' because your comment was far too sensible for the internet.

[–] HobbitFoot@thelemmy.club 5 points 5 hours ago (2 children)

Yeah, raping someone would justifiably make someone lose all their friends.

[–] andrewta@lemmy.world 11 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

Being accused of something is fully different than actually having done it. Just because somebody accuses you of something doesn’t mean it’s automatic that you are guilty. In the comment that was linked, he literally said somebody falsely accused him. So I have to ask you how do you know that he’s actually guilty?

[–] rabber@lemmy.ca 2 points 4 hours ago

Thank you man. I am honestly surprised and hurt at some of the reactions here. Even strangers on an anonymous forum have immediately demonized me over this. I'm glad I posted this thread because it proves my suspicion - nobody will ever believe me and that's just the reality of my life now. Even showing people concrete evidence of her trying to kill me isn't going to change anything so I guess I just have to somehow own it

Why would I write that comment if I was guilty? It was an obvious cry for help lmao and now I'm embarrassed I said it

[–] rabber@lemmy.ca 3 points 5 hours ago (1 children)

But I didn't, so what am I supposed to do?

[–] andrewta@lemmy.world 7 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

What can you do? Hypothetically you take each one of them aside and you force them to tell you what she’s been saying about you. And then somehow demonstrate that she is lying.

Now that’s hypothetically.

Realistically, there’s no way that they will want to change their mind anyway. Unless you have some really solid proof that you didn’t do it. And ans anybody can tell you , trying to prove a negative is almost impossible.

So that means realistically, there is really nothing you can do about it. I mean, you can catch a couple of them when they’re alone. And try to find out what She said. But if they’ve already bought into the bullshit from her then what do you do?. I don’t really see a way back from that.

By the way, I’m going on the basis of she’s lying and that she falsely accused you. As I only have your comment in the other post where you said she falsely accused. I have no way to know what did or did not happen. I’m just giving you information based on what I have. All I can say is good luck and try to move forward. Only you would know if you’d be able to approach those people and have a chance of sitting down and making them listen.

[–] baronvonj@piefed.social 5 points 4 hours ago (1 children)

and you force them to tell

probably not the right tone to use when those people probably believe him to be a rapist

[–] MajorMajormajormajor@lemmy.ca 2 points 4 hours ago

It's the implication.

[–] rabber@lemmy.ca 5 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 3 hours ago) (1 children)

Yeah same situation, but even people who knew me for 20 years shouldn't have bought into that nonsense especially knowing the history of the relationship

I guess there's nothing you can really do to ever come back from this if this is the root problem. Just my word vs hers and she's expert level manipulator

Edit: I didn't come here to argue with anyone. But sure, tag me as "probably a rapist" and don't talk to me. I'm getting used to it. Lol

[–] Hegar@fedia.io 3 points 3 hours ago

Maybe you were having a bad day in the above linked convo, but fyi you come across as needlessly argumentative and more than a little misogynist. Tbh i didn't even see the comment where you talk about being accused of rape because your others were too off-putting for me to continue reading.

Your comments make you seem angry at women. That doesn't make you a rapist, but it goes a long way to explaining why all your friends would believe an allegation.

[–] chloroken@lemmy.ml -4 points 5 hours ago (1 children)
[–] rabber@lemmy.ca 1 points 5 hours ago

You read my comment there and that's your reaction? Wtf?

Why would I write that if I was guilty of said thing?