"Oi, fuckface!"
this post was submitted on 28 Aug 2023
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No Stupid Questions
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"Hey cunt" works for anybody. But your mileage may vary depending on your location.
M'theydy
'Citizen...'
stolen from a post on mastodon earlier, but: foolish mortal(s)
Lord [name], my [name], my dear [name], the one they call [name], oh great and powerful [name].
Jokes aside, one I've heard of that I liked was "misc" like miscellaneous lol. That one works a bit better in writing that verbal though.
Some other popular ones include Mx, M, Ind/Div, N/A, Mt, Nb, and many others.
For my own personal suggestion, I kinda like the idea of using "The" as a gender neutral title. Like instead of Mr or Ms Smith, it's The Smith. Has a nice ring to it lol
Hello, The Gary...
You can't tell me that isn't objectively the best way to refer to someone named Gary.
Chookity!
Not a contemporary one, but during the French Revolution, they used 'Citizen' for everyone.
comrade
Slightly off topic but I really like the approach where the honorific is just dropped entirely. So just [Name]. No Mr/Ms/Mrs. It mostly doesn't serve any purpose anyway.
That's what we did in Sweden in the 60s. It feels so archaic whenever I have to enter an honorific on documents (i.e when booking hotels and flights) from other countries.
Sometimes they allow for you to write in other stuff. I put in "His majesty" once, it printed out as "His Firstname Lastname" in my hotel reservation paper. Disappointed.
I also put in "Emperor" for some mailing list stuff. I get a chuckle when I get mails from them. "Emperor RaivoKulli, sign up now for the conference"
Too bad we can’t adopt the Japanese “-san” honorific, as it is gender neutral!
Mx. seems the most commonly used for gender neutral. It's used both by non-binary people and in cases where you purposefully don't want to put a gender as a prefix.
I have started just using M. Like, "Dear M. Lastname". I saw it being done in French and just adopted it for English too. No one's complained yet. (Have also seen Mx. but figure that could be confusing.)
In the sci-fi book Hyperion (which takes place hundreds of years in the future) they use this convention throughout and it works really well, so I've also wished that it were widely adopted in our society. (Except for androids, where the title is A. rather than M.)
Just fyi, M. in French is only equivalent to Mr, it's short for Monsieur. Mme (short for Madame) is equivalent to Mrs, and Mlle (short for Mademoiselle) is equivalent to Miss/Ms.
So using M. for everyone is equivalent to saying Mr. for everyone.
Yeah, I know! That's why I was surprised when someone addressed me as "M." (while I don't present as such, traditionally) in French. So, I thought "that's neat!" and picked it up.
A sci-fi book from 1991 used that (Hyperion), and I thought it was just futurespeak. TIL!
TIL M. Bison was nonbinary.
Squanch
Sup, fool?
Mx is common-ish among nonbinary people. Here’s a relevant poll regarding people’s usages of it: https://www.gendercensus.com/results/2023-mx/
"My Liege"
My wife and I are both Dr. X
Dr. Twitter???
Dr. The Site Formerly Known as Twitter
This is one of the reasons why I call everyone " friend"
There are tons of titles that do not make reference to gender.
Doctor , The Right Reverend , The Reverend , The guru swami I am all right Jack bugger the rest of you thanks gee , The honorable , The Right honorable , Your Grace , Your Honor , Your Holiness , Your majesty , Their Infernal Majesty supreme overseer of the pit of wailing souls and lost left thongs...
"Bro"
"dude"
In all seriousness, I think I've seen 'Mx' used in this context.
Usually though, you'd go with a generic greeting such as 'Dear Sir or Madam' or 'To whom it may concern'.
Doctor and Professor are the only two I know.
Doctor, Professor.
I was about to say this. Downside is you have to get a PhD first…
Not for professor. I taught with just a bachelor's.
Seconding the honorific "Mx". From what I've seen, it's decently well-adopted in the non-binary community. I've not seen it much used outside of that community--it seems to be used mostly when someone 'needs' an honorific but doesn't fit into the 1950s list. I've heard it pronounced "Mix" and "Mux". I tend to go with "Mix".
IRL, I've used "Hey, you" and "Yo!" when hollering at folks I don't know (example, "Yo! You dropped something!")
Sidenote: As a nonbinary person, I prefer not being given an honorific over being given the wrong one.
Minirant not directed at OP: And omg, if you need to go with a feminine honorific and you don't know whether the person is married, go with Ms, not Mrs. or Miss. The connotations of the wrong one are just creepy.
Not married and called Mrs="Hey, you're too old to be unmarried. Please feel judged about your relationship status"
Married and called Miss="Hey, you're too young to be married. Please feel like I don't respect you as an adult."
In all cases Ms="I don't know and/or care about your marital status and I'm trying to be polite"
And omg, if you need to go with a feminine honorific and you don’t know whether the person is married, go with Ms, not Mrs. or Miss.
I understand what you mean here, except on the difference between Ms and Miss, do you mean this more in terms of writing than speaking? I ask only because I don't know that I've ever been able to hear a particular difference between Ms and Miss when spoken, but that may be more related to my hearing or something that I've not realized.
Edit:
Reading a little further, I see that it comes across as sorta creepy? I'd always parsed it as a more informal address compared to the more formal ma'am for femme folks, so this is interesting, to say the least! I suppose it reads sorta like someone calling an adult man, "young man" or "boy" despite their age, since I don't think there's something similar to miss for masculine folks.
That would come across creepy, unless from older folks and heavily dependent on context.
Also, calling a woman either Mrs or Miss defines her by her marital status. Since we are more than that, Ms is more appropriate (assuming that an honorific must be used at all).
I understand what you mean here, except on the difference between Ms and Miss, do you mean this more in terms of writing than speaking? I ask only because I don't know that I've ever been able to hear a particular difference between Ms and Miss when spoken, but that may be more related to my hearing or something that I've not realized.
“Ms.” Is pronounced “mizzz” kinda like you’re a bee, “Miss” is pronounced “missss” like a snake.
Do you have any suggestions on sir/ma'am? I'm from the south, and genuinely don't know how to stop saying sir/ma'am. I always try to go with whatever the person is presenting, and I have tried not to say it at all. But that southernism is deeply ingrained. Like at a drive through or something, where you only have a voice to go off of it's especially bad. I do try to avoid it, but I wish there were a gender neutral version, because language just feels rude without it to someone who grew up with that instilled in them. All adult people must be addressed as ma'am or sir, regardless of age in any kind of setting that isn't close friends. If I forego it, I feel rude as fuck, and most of the time whoever you're talking to also acts offended. But the last thing I want to do is misgender someone, especially with words like sir/ma'am, that are such... Strict terms. Halp?
I'm wicked sorry, I don't have a good answer. You could try Mx and see how it feels. I've dropped sir/ma'am for folks that I know, or that appear my age or younger. I still use it for older folks I don't know out in the wild.
I, personally, never take offense at being misgendered in a Southern accent if I'm called "ma'am". I grew up in the South and to me it just feels like someone's trying their best to be polite and I take it as intended. Sometimes I also just misparse it as "man", which feels a bit informal, but whatevs. Miss still feels creepy, but I get that less now that I've hit 30.
If you're working at a drive through where there's a customer/service worker dynamic, I'd 1. go with ma'am or sir 2. accept it if someone corrects you, and 3. recognize you're more likely to be yelled at by someone for using a 'new-fangled honorific' than for misgendering someone.
Edit: Oh! I have replaced "Thank you sir/ma'am" with "Thank you, kindly" and that seems to work for me.
One could argue that it still caters to a binary designation.
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