Double-checking everything you do is the opposite of confidence. You may gain confidence from the checks, but you're not confident in your initial choices.
this post was submitted on 20 Sep 2023
71 points (89.0% liked)
Autism
6755 readers
9 users here now
A community for respectful discussion and memes related to autism acceptance. All neurotypes are welcome.
We have created our own instance! Visit Autism Place the following community for more info.
Community:
Values
- Acceptance
- Openness
- Understanding
- Equality
- Reciprocity
- Mutuality
- Love
Rules
- No abusive, derogatory, or offensive post/comments e.g: racism, sexism, religious hatred, homophobia, gatekeeping, trolling.
- Posts must be related to autism, off-topic discussions happen in the matrix chat.
- Your posts must include a text body. It doesn't have to be long, it just needs to be descriptive.
- Do not request donations.
- Be respectful in discussions.
- Do not post misinformation.
- Mark NSFW content accordingly.
- Do not promote Autism Speaks.
- General Lemmy World rules.
Encouraged
- Open acceptance of all autism levels as a respectable neurotype.
- Funny memes.
- Respectful venting.
- Describe posts of pictures/memes using text in the body for our visually impaired users.
- Welcoming and accepting attitudes.
- Questions regarding autism.
- Questions on confusing situations.
- Seeking and sharing support.
- Engagement in our community's values.
- Expressing a difference of opinion without directly insulting another user.
- Please report questionable posts and let the mods deal with it. Chat Room
- We have a chat room! Want to engage in dialogue? Come join us at the community's Matrix Chat.
.
Helpful Resources
- Are you seeking education, support groups, and more? Take a look at our list of helpful resources.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
but you’re not confident in your initial choices.
absolutely, and I understand why people expect others to be
It's important to understand that nobody expects you to be fully confident 100% of the time - nobody who matters, anyway. So don't feel too bad double-checking stuff, and if anyone gives you any guff about it just start crying and shit your pants and they'll go away 👍
Not absolutely, but within a 95% confidence interval.
Trust whatever knowledge or decisions your former self has made. At least until significant new information arrives. They are a smart person.
Personally, I've found that my method for dealing with analysis paralysis - both in myself and with others - to be ... basically confidence.
There is a cutoff time for self-doubt and second-guessing. After that, we know what we know and we do what we do, unless some significant change occurs.
(Afterwards, we may revisit and start doubting and second-guessing the topic, but not now.)
If speaking, whatever you knew before you opened your mouth is the factual truth as you know it, and it stays that way until you are done speaking. The worst that will happen if you proceed to say something wrong, is that you will be corrected. This is useful.
If navigating, you choose a route to the best of your ability and that is the best route available. Take it. The worst that will happen is you discover it is wrong and have to adjust.
To add to this, what feels like "faking" confidence can be reframed as not needlessly pointing out the risks and insecurities that are inherent in any action or knowledge. It's not dishonest, because some level of uncertainty should be assumed.
If I guide my friends through a city and go "eeeeh... I think it is maybe this way" every few blocks, I only invite them to worry and put an accidental burden on them to try and double-check my navigation. To me, that is inconsiderate. If I am all "this way, friends!" they can just trust me and chat about dogs or plywood manufacturing. A risk of "whoopsie, we need to loop around this block" is perfectly fine by most people.
Exactly. It depends on the severity of the negative outcome.
It's one thing to be confident in directions, it's another to be confident in a pre flight check list for a 737. That's why there's appropriate guidelines that dictate how to conduct the latter.
Haha yes. If I ever overhear a pilot tell the other to "just be more confident" during pre-flight check, I'm getting the hell off that plane.
Being confident doesn't necessarily mean being correct. It means you think you are correct.
If you are double checking your answers, that ensures you are correct and you can then be confident because you've double checked. But if you had to double check your answers, that means you weren't initially confident.
Acting confident in front of people reassures them of your expertise because it signals that you've done something enough that it's become ingrained in your memory or habits.
An example is a bus driver. I would want them to be confident about the route they are driving. If they are constantly checking a map at every intersection, I would be afraid they were not familiar with the area and might miss a turn if they misread the map even once.
Another example would be walking. Do you check your balance with every step you take? I'm sure you don't. And people around you don't actively watch you to make sure you don't fall. My infant, on the other hand, rebalances himself with every step and constantly holds onto steady things around him. Most people that watch him will be concerned about him falling because he's communicating a lack of confidence, a lack of experience.
You should definitely question your assumptions and approach things from a different angle. You will definitely end up with greater confidence. But if you do this in front of people you're displaying insecurity in your own assumptions and reasoning.
There's a différence (even if it may be stupid) between a confident person and being confident about something
I've heard "trust your instinct/gut" almost as much as I've heard "trust, but verify." And I'm pretty sure that latter one is an oxymoron.
I have seen a issues where not just nt's but people in general have a hard time with cause and effect and those type of relationships. You should be confident in something because its worth trusting. Being confident wouldn't make the thing worth trusting because it doesn't work both ways. I know someone who programs in java and writes TERRIBLE code but he thinks he writes good code. His confidences in his code makes the issues worse because telling him the fix is hard when he thinks his code is perfect even when its completely broken. I know other people like that...
I'm right with you... It's confusing :P
I have this weird confidence that's hard to explain. There's a good chance I'm wrong about any given thing, but I'm pretty confident I'm the best informed in most situations.
I have great success being confident that I do not know something
Right. I've made the same observation. Very annoying.
About confidence The national guard taught me a thing about confidence in cleaning weapon
When you clean your rifle, you need to clean it, and get the armorer (are at least a superior) to check if it is well cleaned. In basic you're taught that you only ask for your weapon to be reviewed if you are confident it's clean. Of course its basic and the main lesson you take out of it is that life is shit and your job is to deal with it. But it doesn't last. Now after basic I begin actual service and for the past 4 years I'd had to clean fuck tons of guns. Mine, others, entire armories. And each time I'd have to ask for the review I needed to be certain. And many time, especially at the beginning I'd have to continue cleaning because it wasn't fully cleaned despite being confident it was cleaned.
And the thing is... it wasn't a problem if I was wrong, had forgotten a small parts, etc. What they wanted me to do was the work correctly and genuinely believe in my work. They wanted me to have genuine and honest reason to believe my work was done, and therefore, if there was work remaining to do, that mean I genuinely didn't see it. And after years of service, thanks to the experience acquired, now I almost pass review first try.
Though there are fucking idiots who want to be lied to. Especially superior who actually don't know, understand nor are intelligent enough to understand what your job actually is who just want you to say "yeah everything fine" so they can repeat it to their own boss.
I disagree with this. There is such a thing as true confidence, and imo it mostly comes from the knowledge that whatever happens you'll be able to handle the right way. "Fake it til you make it" confidence is called arrogance (and will never turn into actual confidence).
Some of the dumbest idiots are also the most confident.
They're not pretending. They actually believe in themselves. If you tell them they're wrong, prove it with data, show them clear evidence that they've made a mistake.... they'll continue believing they didn't make a mistake.
Some of these idiots end up running large companies or even countries. Which is a problem, because very big mistakes get very expensive, especially when the people in charge refuse to accept a mistake was made.
Never be ashamed of being self-critical. It's a sign of intelligence, and the world would be a better place if more people were like this.
This being said, sometimes it's important to make a decision and roll with it, because if you had to double check everything it'd take too long and you'd miss opportunities or fail to avoid pitfalls. Like taking too long to dodge an obstacle while driving.