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Shouting at children can be as damaging as physical or sexual abuse, study says
(www.theguardian.com)
this post was submitted on 03 Oct 2023
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Read the title as "shooting" and thought "another American post..."
Me too! I was like "Did we expect the kid to just shrug off the bullets?"
My dad and I have had our ups and downs but I can say beyond a shadow of a doubt that the least productive we've been with each other is when he got too frustrated and yelled at me about whatever.
I'd instantly go from frustrated but still trying to calmly explain my side of things to "I DON'T KNOW WHO THE FUCK YOU THINK YOU ARE SON BUT HOW ABOUT YOU SHUTCHO MOUTH AND KEEP IT CLOSED UNTIL THE MAN WHO RAISED ME IS BACK AGAIN‽"
Are we just now putting this together?
My first girlfriend in highschool had severe anxiety and was so incredibly quiet and shy. It was so tough cuz she was a genuinely sweet and caring person once she opened up to you. I was extremely surprised to learn her family was nothing like that when I met them. Until I met her dad, and he kept calling her an idiot, and stupid, and useless. Then I understood why she never wanted to say anything. Every time she opened her mouth she was criticized by her dad. This attitude towards your own kids is insanely damaging.
It’s very difficult to notice that it’s happening to you sometimes.
It wasn’t until my mid twenties that I noticed every single thing I say my mother seems to instantly try to take the opposite side and tell me I’m wrong, purely because it’s in her nature.
That level of negativity combined with a hair trigger for screaming, and she wonders why I don’t talk to her about absolutely anything 🤷♂️
frog in a boiling pot.
Yeah, I think an important thing parents need to do (apart from tearing down their kids for no reason) is differentiate DOING something dumb versus BEING dumb.
A comment my dad made long ago when I was young kinda stuck with me "For a kid who's really smart you sure do some really dumb shit sometimes"
I've tried to phrase things like that to my kids, not "you dumbass why did you do that?" but more along "you're smart enough to know you shouldn't do that, so why did you?"
Or you could use positive reinforcement instead of belittling your kids. You can explain, why stuff they did was wrong without calling them dumb. They are kids after all, they don't know stuff, have a lot to learn and it is hard for them to completely grasp the consequences of their actions.
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