No Stupid Questions

Therapy.

The hobbies are being suggested because you clearly need a new element to spice up your life. Tbh i always felt the same way as you did, barely satisfied by what life has to offer. My answer to this is distraction, i cannot really sell you on why its the answer its just that deep down I know that novelty is the only aspect of life that has the potential to enrich it. Pick a new source of distraction that offers bottomless rabbitholes.

You, my friend, need an adventure. Any adventure, even if it sounds small and dumb.

I creeped your post history (sorry) - did you end up taking that bus trip you talked about a few months back? If so, what was that like? If not, any reason why you feel you shouldn't do it now (or soon)?

I've felt like you before, at least the way you're describing it. My solution was mundane adventure - walk a stupid amount to a place you could easily get to by car. Strike up conversations with strangers by leaving your phone alone re: directions/things of interest/etc. unless absolutely necessary. Set yourself some boon to obtain - a beer at Pub X, a meal at place Y, whatever - and make the journey a little less convenient/a little more scenic than you might do by default.

The above isn't for everyone, obvs, but take the idea of an adventure or 'quest' and see if anything strikes you. It can be as grand or mundane as you want it to be.

Just one option among others.

Change one thing just because you can. Take a different way to or from work, whether it is walking (and leaving much earlier), or a different bus/train or car route.

Listen to your favourite songs... look at the birds around you. Borrow a book from the library and read it, one bit at a time. Make the choices in your life, deliberate and DIFFERENT. Break your routine. Feel human.

Then you can choose to join a casual sports team, a minecraft server, something else for human contact.

Could it be depression?

Anyways, would you be able to recall at the end of the day something nice that happened to you, even if small? Gratefulness is my personal path to inner peace doesn't matter if big or small. And even if you decide to not take this path, you can use the memory of that good moment to 1 make it happen more often, or 2 invest your time/thoughts to make it even better next time it happens or 3 follow up and build on top of it.

is there any way to stop this

There’s pretty much every way. Work, eat, shower, sleep is such a minimal place to start that if emptiness is your issue, I feel like you could go in any direction you want and do better.

Maybe no one ever told you this so I’ll try. There is no objective meaning to life or purpose for it. The meaning is up to you to make. I don’t think any path whatsoever (therapy, volunteering, art, hobbies, dating, travel, whatever) will work unless you take responsibility for the problem. If you are hoping for others to provide the genius answer, or looking for some global perfect answer or “meaning of life” then you aren’t taking on the responsibility yourself.

You have to do that or nothing else can work. This thread might be a start. You did ask. Now you need to put the time into the many fine suggestions here.

Don’t take them in turns and try them “to see if they work.” That’s still the main problem of assuming the answer is outside of you somewhere. Instead, take them in turns and put everything you’ve got into them. If you can do this, any of them will work.

Spend your money, travel, get outside your comfort zone and challenge yourself. Or get professional help.

I've seen this more than a few times, as well as felt it myself. It's a particular form of situational depression.

In short, the solution is to "find your tribe".

Your problem is 2 fold.

• Humans are a social animal. We need a group to socialise with, to be stable and happy. The requirements vary, but it's almost always non-zero. The lack of meaningful contact sends us into a downward spiral.

• 99% of people are boring to you. This is actually completely fine and reasonable. Unfortunately the 1% that aren't boring to you tend to be hard to find. Even worse, weirder people tend to mask. They pretend to be normal and boring to fit in.

The goal, therefore, is to find what 1% you need and where they congregate, with their masks down. They are out there, you just need to find them. You do this by trying new hobbies and activities. Most won't hit the mark, but some will resonate with you. It's OK to try a lot of things before you find it.

For me, it was a makerspace. I actually ended up founding one, since there wasn't one locally. I've seen a number of other people come along and discover there really is a group of weirdos that they fit into that aren't boring. They, in turn, add their brand of weirdness to the group and make it better for all involved.

Without knowing more about you, I can't point you in the right direction. I can say they are out there. You just need to find them.

Go find your tribe.

Edit to add:

You preferably want to find somewhere in person, not online. There is a lot of social feedback that our minds need, that gets lost with online communication. Online is better than nothing, but it's a service station mac Donald's compared to a Michelin star restaurant.

Sounds like depression. If you have some savings, it might be worth it to see a therapist to find out.

Or find one thing in the world to make better.

Most people bore me.

I don't want to say that there aren't boring people, but c'mon... You're no troubador yourself. People don't exist to keep you from being bored.

Living for the sake of not dying is not a living itself. People find meaning in lots of things: art, religion, bullshitting, pushing the bounds of knowledge, making loved ones laugh.

The meaning we make is our own and we share that living journey with a few others. It can be amazing and difficult and complicated. It's rare to have someone truly get you, but we put ourselves out there because get got is so good.

Volunteer, seriously, this changed my life. Maybe a dog rescue, or some political fight.

Get a dog and pamper it.

Seeing a therapist is probably the way to go here.

There is no point to living. For every single reason someone found, someone else doesn't care about that at all. If there is a point to living, we haven't found it yet.

That said. Try self-improvement. Read about psychology. Analyze your own mind. You might find some stuff pointing you towards something.

For example. Why do you say "I save most of my paycheck. What for? I have no idea" and "I don’t want to travel because it costs money" just a few sentences apart? This doesn't make any sense. You save money for nothing yet you don't travel because it costs money? To me, this suggests some conditioning you're a victim of, something like just following some predefined set of rules because someone (probably parents) once said "you should be saving money" and "you should not spend money on unnecessary things". But these are just arbitrary beliefs. You don't have to follow them.

Or. Are you afraid of something? But kinda would like to do it if it wasn't scary? Go do it. What have you got to lose? Nothing matters anyway, right?

You might just notice if you do these two things, there is actually stuff to live for, you just haven't found it because you either had social conditioning or fear that stopped you from it.

I grew up poor in a semi remote Native reserve in Canada in the 1970s and 80s. The first ten years of my life my parents were still basically living off the land and most of what we ate was wild food. I didn't even have that many sweets or junk food which saved my teeth when I was young.

Then as a teen, I had to fight and claw my way through life in order to get anything. Sure we got 'free' help for food, health care, dental, eye and education ... but it was just barely enough for me to barely get through high school. At the end of it all, I still had no prospect of making a living on my own in my own home community .. I had to leave in order to survive. Even after then, I had to fight every step of way to make a living and fight off my old community members who thought I was being 'too white' and the non-Native people who thought I wasn't 'white enough' ... it was completely messed up.

After fighting through all that crap into adulthood, I met someone I fell in love with who wanted to do the same things I wanted to do. We didn't make that much money but we figured out how to travel to over 30 countries over 25 years. About six years ago was our last trip because we caught a virus that make us sick and cough our lungs out ... it was terrible. It took me about three months to get over it. My wife never got over it and now sits at home with chronic lung disease. It's left us at home and we can never leave again.

The reason why I am saying all this is is that you have the world by the tail ... you've got everything. You have a job, shelter, a bit of money and you are young and capable.

Give yourself about ten or 20 years and you will feel less and less like doing anything and then it will all be over. Once you get to a certain age, you will feel like 'hey, I think maybe I want to do something' but by then, it will be too little, too late and you won't have a choice and you will be stuck in your apartment or house or home or whereever you'll be and just sit there and wait for death. The entire time you'll be sitting there, you'll be regretting that you never did anything and that you never went out and tried just doing the bare minimum of excitement.

I feel terrible that I can no longer do much and that I have to stay at home taking care of my wife. I love her dearly but I would much rather we both head out into the world and just go somewhere, anywhere as far as money would take us. I really never cared if where I went was warm, dry, hot, cold, wet or miserable or absolutely fantastic. Sometimes, the best part of the trip was coming back home and realizing just how wonderful and fantastic home really was compared to many places in this world.

The only thing that doesn't make us completely miserable and regretful is that we did go out there and take in as many sights, sounds and tastes as we could afford. It was fantastic. We saw the Acropolis hill, the pyramids, Machu pichu, St Peters, the Mediterranean, buddhists temples in asia, indian landmarks, dozens of cheap motel dives in the US and Canada, the oceans on every side of North America and so much more ... all for as little money as we had.

Now that we can't move or go anywhere any more ... we look at old photos and reminisce about every trip we ever took.

Go out there and go as far as you can possibly go ... then when you get old and grey, you can be as sad as you want but at least you can look back on all the great things you saw.

Op why don't you suggest what an acceptable reply looks like? You're pretty restricted on what type of advice you're seeking. Maybe then folks can ad libs in the thing that will help.

Try this book.

"Discover What You Are Best At" by Linda Gail. I always had jobs, and never particularly liked working. I did the tests in the book and got pointed at a job I actually enjoyed doing.

Even on rainy Mondays I didn't hate having to leave the house.

Having a job you like solves a lot of your problems.

I’m curious what kind of human contact you’ve “tried” that didn’t work. There’s a world of difference between contact that is mediated through the context of work or planned leisure activities with relative strangers and organic meaningful interaction. Humans need to be social and feel useful to those around them. If that is lacking in your life, I suggest volunteering somewhere. Your local humane society almost certainly needs volunteers who can wash dogs and cats, or help visitors interact with the animals. Or there are likely a number of places you can volunteer to help people who are hungry or unhoused.

Figure out what feels the most rewarding, and spend more time doing that. Learning a musical instrument, making art, or whatever else. Also, maybe get a pet.

How’s your anxiety level? Depression and anxiety are linked pretty closely and with you mentioning the expense of things that sticks out to me you might have other issues.

It sounds like a mental health evaluation would benefit you, honestly. I would not want to be alive today if not for medication.

I still don’t feel like doing anything or being with anyone but I don’t feel worthless.

I hope you can find something that helps

Allow yourself enjoyment. Do things.

Enforce 'this was fun'.

Sounds stupid and piling responsibility on you. I'm sorry about that. But maybe this can help you. I've been there.

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/how-to-survive-midlife-blues

Depending on how old you are, you might just be hitting the normal midlife low point. It hit me hard in my late 30s and I spent a lot of time reading about it once I found out it was typical. I think a lot of it has to do with the rate at which you're experiencing milestones and life changes. It feels like you are constantly progressing in your life up to your 20s or 30s and then the time scale suddenly shifts. Things take much longer to advance - saving enough for a house or retirement, that next promotion (assuming you even want one), major family changes, etc.

Understanding that helped me recover somewhat, though it still took a couple of years. I'm still in that lull, trying to figure out what I really even want to do next, but I don't feel sad about it anymore. I don't know if this applies to your situation, but I found it really helpful to learn about it.

I can't emphasise how badly you need to travel. I'm old and very well travelled, much of it for work, like easily 20 countries all across the globe and it has been a huge eye opener to experience different cultures, foods, make friends with fellow travellers, locals and has broadened my horizons on so many fronts.

Yes it can be expensive but it is something you will never regret if you can scramble the money together for it. Embrace it. Deeply.

If you're in North America you can experience lots of cultures and experiences like the national parks in the US very reasonably. I'm guessing you're not in Europe because travel is cheap AF here.

I honestly think it will bring down many of the current barriers you express.

Well the only thing you said you liked doing is cooking so perhaps you should experiment with that more. Also it sounds like you do a lot, hardly what I'd describe as an empty life. Maybe try doing less. Boredom drives people to creativity, that might help you find something else you like doing.

I started to feel a little better and like i understand myself a little better after watching some videos from here : https://www.youtube.com/@OurTimelessWisdom/videos

specifically the ones featuring carl jung, havent watched others yet

Have you tried getting a pet?

Having another life to care for can give your life meaning.

Looking at what you've written here, it seems like you don't actually have a hobby. I would have a go at something you did when you were a kid- maybe you were really into books, maybe you were into cycling, painting, whatever really. But don't just try it a few times then give up if it doesn't feel how you want it to feel, try turning it into a project. For example, I wanted to get back into reading books, but I just didn't enjoy it. So I tried to find out what made me love reading so much as a kid, then recreate that in the present. I tried reading late at night, by the light of a lamppost like I did when I was super into books, and that brought back the enjoyment I used to have. You don't have to go down that route, the main idea here is to find a new hobby, something to look forward to rather than just existing for the sake of it.

Marijuana constant masturbation and an overabundance of YouTube reality shows.

That got you right back on your feet.

(This is a joke)

traveling to Asia is like 300 bucks, and hostels are $4 a day. food is a dollar a dish, and you can hang out in parks at the beach or at home and watch movies all day.

living abroad is much cheaper than what you're paying now.

you said you save most of your paycheck.

If you have a few thousand saved, you can easily live abroad for a year and figure out something you like to do more than a job that sucks around a bunch of people that you don't like in a situation that's making you depressed.

My answer isn't gonna resonate. It's so frustrating how being depressed makes getting off the couch to go for a walk just feel like... Jumping into a mosh pit ot something.

Find a 2 mile walk to do every day. Must include at least one hill or set of stairs or something. Works best if in nature.

Idk if you'd consider it a "hobby" (even though I'd say that has more consumerist connotations), but I'd strongly suggest finding a creative outlet. Personally I believe that there's no such thing as an "uncreative" person, it's just that most people never get the opportunity to learn a creatively rewarding skill well (and even when they do, many are left with no time/energy after work). It's a catch-22. Still, unless you want to keep being a cog in the machine you gotta sacrifice something.

Also, art (in a general sense) is a lot better with human contact, idk what you're talking about that is "doesn't work". You gotta find like-minded people. Sometimes you're lucky and meet like-minded people by happenstance, sometimes you gotta go out of your way to find them (even if by saying it like that I still feel like I'm underplaying how hard that can be).

A final but perhaps more important suggestion is, learn about something. Instead of binging another tv show every week, mix it up with some educational internet browsing, or books, or perhaps you enjoy videoessays more. Again, an environment where you can meet people is better, but higher education has also turned into a human grinder that spits out ready-made workers for the machine so I can't sincerely recommend it. But it could still be worth considering (depending on where you are... definitely not worth a 100k debt).

TL:DR find ways of satisfying your inner curiosity and creativity.

Commit crimes for the greater good.

It's like I don't give a crap about anything or anyone

Well, there you go. This is most likely the culprit, and it is something one can train. If caring does not come readily, you’ll have to train it, just like reading, writing and other human skills.

Good luck.

I'm like an atheist monk.

you might be having SzPD. I'm not saying that but you might think about it.

I don't want to travel because it costs money.

I don't spend much money on clothing or media and save most of my paycheck.

then why don't you use some of those to travel? There are ways to travel less expensively. I had a phase like this when I was a college kid and I saved up the small scholarship (much less than an actual job) and travelled, which did something that depression meds couldn't do then. ymmv though.

Edit: most important part. Yes, there is a way. I am in no position to claim to know what is going to help you, but I do know this: there is another way to live. Following is what I have tried and it worked

Been around there, it really is not a good place. Time to look inside. You only have so much time left to live, and only so much energy to do things. As to what can be done, then if possible, take a good break: quit job, buy food, then just stay home. No books, no TV, no speaking to anyone, no internet, no games, no nothing. Your mind will go wild for some time, but then you will recover and see life with more clarity

And for the big picture - look inside. If you were to die today, what would you do? Whom would you speak to one last time? Where would you go if distance was not an issue? What do you want to be done with your dead body? (If the answer is "nothing, I don't care", I would strongly suggest go see a doctor. Depression does not just go away)

Also, remember this every day: tomorrow morning, you may not wake up. Today you woke up, but a day will come when you don't. Remind this to yourself. Slowly this will change your perspective

If you happen to feel like talking - message or ping me, I will answer as fast as I can