this post was submitted on 23 May 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] FooBarrington@lemmy.world 34 points 16 hours ago
[–] gramie@lemmy.ca 100 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I hate to break it to you, but that's a male spider and you're gay.

[–] lessthanluigi@lemmy.sdf.org 38 points 1 day ago (2 children)

And this story is real, so it is Real AND Gay!

[–] Comment105@lemm.ee 7 points 21 hours ago

I've never heard of such a thing. Is it really possible?

[–] MrLLM@ani.social 12 points 1 day ago

I’ve run out of AND. Best I can do is:

(Real NOR Real) NOR (Gay NOR Gay)
[–] morphballganon@lemmy.world 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Without a pic how do you know

[–] Catoblepas@lemmy.blahaj.zone 135 points 1 day ago (5 children)

I feel so much more normal for just saying hello to my shower spider now.

[–] MBM@lemmings.world 8 points 9 hours ago

I do the feeding thing, but mostly because it feels wrong to kill a mosquito and then just throw it in the trash

[–] SARGE@startrek.website 28 points 1 day ago (8 children)

My shower spider gets a reminder of our deal.

"You know the drill. You stay up there, I stay over here, nobody has to be injured today."

Sometimes the spider decides to come over to my side and gets flushed or squished, but they knew what was expected of them.

[–] ApathyTree@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 1 day ago

I have one of those who knows her place. She’s been there for probably a year now, and I don’t feed her so she must be doing something for me.

She briefly had a friend of the same species set up shop on the other side of the shower. That one didn’t get the memo and decided to wander all over the place while I was showering, breaking the pact. That one went down the drain. The other is still there, months after that event.

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[–] FreshLight@sh.itjust.works 48 points 1 day ago

Be careful, though! This is the first step towards what anon describes!

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 27 points 1 day ago

Shower spider wants to watch you touch yourself

[–] Comment105@lemm.ee -2 points 21 hours ago (3 children)

Why don't you people kill and dispose of spiders in your home?

[–] TommySalami@lemmy.world 8 points 14 hours ago

They typically leave me alone, and eat the other bugs that don't leave me alone.

[–] qjkxbmwvz@startrek.website 5 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Because I can trap mine in a jar and take it outside instead.

[–] Olgratin_Magmatoe@slrpnk.net 3 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Most of the time that leads to them dying. So if it's about saving them, that's the wrong move.

If it's about getting rid of them without squishing them or something, then that works.

[–] qjkxbmwvz@startrek.website 4 points 9 hours ago

Most of the time that leads to them dying.

Well, squishing has a 100% chance of them dying. With a toddler and a baby, having them run loose sadly isn't an option.

We live in a very mild climate, and there's under-deck and fence space around our house, in addition to bushes, trees, and underbrush


fairly suitable for a variety of arachnids. It's not the same as indoors, and survival rate certainly isn't 100%, but it's not the death sentence of going from a climate controlled house to below-freezing outdoors.

[–] Tonava@sopuli.xyz 10 points 19 hours ago (1 children)

They're actually pretty beneficial (eating other more annoying bugs and all that) and usually not harmful to human residents in any way (except if you live in Australia). Killing them because "aah yuck spiders!" isn't a good enough reason to many

[–] Comment105@lemm.ee 3 points 19 hours ago (2 children)

Did our generation forget how caulk and netting works?

[–] Jiggle_Physics@sh.itjust.works 14 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

unless you hermetically seal your house, bugs will get in, if they want in.

[–] Comment105@lemm.ee 2 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago) (1 children)

Some small bugs will get through fine mesh.

Open doors and windows let a lot of things in.

But fucked up gappy houses let everything in all the time. You've spent your whole life living in fucked up gappy houses, I'm guessing.

[–] scintilla@lemm.ee 2 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

Yeah most new construction is terrible and a lot of older homes need extensive work that people can't afford.

[–] Comment105@lemm.ee 1 points 8 hours ago* (last edited 8 hours ago)

I'm calling it now, some dissertation in the future will be written on spiderbro's place in contemporary culture as an expression of acceptance of widespread low home quality.

Of course exacerbated by a generally low competency in home maintenance, and more importantly a huge renting class with feckless do-nothing-right landlords and limited/unclear permissions to take the issue in their own hands.

[–] Tonava@sopuli.xyz 4 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago)

I didn't honestly even think about that. Being from the nordics means throwing them outside is the same as killing them most of the year and keeping them all out is kinda impossible, they'll find their way in because outside is cold

*(edit for managing to cut the text in half)

[–] markovs_gun@lemmy.world 41 points 1 day ago

This is one instance where I'd say I'd actually prefer if he had an anime body pillow or real doll he was forming this sort of unhealthy attachment to.

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 14 points 1 day ago

What a freak!

Just fall in-love with AI like a normal person.

(I can't even do that, I literally can't see AI as people)

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 48 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Loneliness affects people. And as gregariois animals we are, the closest possibility to connect, in any form, is taken.

[–] latenightnoir@lemmy.blahaj.zone 26 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (1 children)

Y'know... as lonely as I can get (and I get pretty lonely), that mosquito munching on my forearm is still getting a firm slap. Eventually.

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 15 points 1 day ago

Fight malaria when you can!

[–] Tracaine@lemmy.world 69 points 1 day ago (4 children)

He's going to let a spider crawl on his penis in the name of gooning isn't he? I really want off this ride.

[–] Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 3 points 11 hours ago

Bro, if it bites him he will get a spider dick that shoots webs.

[–] Comment105@lemm.ee 3 points 20 hours ago

The Spiderbro thing should have never started, now see where it has gotten us.

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 19 points 1 day ago

Whatever, more for me

[–] Iheartcheese@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago

It happened long ago. Closer to you than you think

[–] Captain_Baka@feddit.org 30 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Least weird greentext I've read for a while.

[–] Zagorath@aussie.zone 20 points 1 day ago (1 children)

I had a daddy longlegs in my bathroom for a while. My bathroom exhaust fan broke so the room would get super steamy, and I think the poor spider drowned, because it had clearly died in that spot, hanging from my ceiling.

I still feel a little sad about that spider-bro.

[–] CitizenKong@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago

Probably didn't drown but might have gotten infected by mold. There's a reason spiders prefer dry places.

[–] southsamurai@sh.itjust.works 19 points 1 day ago

Look, everyone tries to fuck shower spider at some point. It's a rite of passage

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