this post was submitted on 23 May 2025
443 points (97.2% liked)
Greentext
6264 readers
1264 users here now
This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.
Be warned:
- Anon is often crazy.
- Anon is often depressed.
- Anon frequently shares thoughts that are immature, offensive, or incomprehensible.
If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
I hate to break it to you, but that's a male spider and you're gay.
And this story is real, so it is Real AND Gay!
I've never heard of such a thing. Is it really possible?
I’ve run out of AND. Best I can do is:
(Real NOR Real) NOR (Gay NOR Gay)
Without a pic how do you know
smell
I feel so much more normal for just saying hello to my shower spider now.
I do the feeding thing, but mostly because it feels wrong to kill a mosquito and then just throw it in the trash
My shower spider gets a reminder of our deal.
"You know the drill. You stay up there, I stay over here, nobody has to be injured today."
Sometimes the spider decides to come over to my side and gets flushed or squished, but they knew what was expected of them.
I have one of those who knows her place. She’s been there for probably a year now, and I don’t feed her so she must be doing something for me.
She briefly had a friend of the same species set up shop on the other side of the shower. That one didn’t get the memo and decided to wander all over the place while I was showering, breaking the pact. That one went down the drain. The other is still there, months after that event.
load more comments
(7 replies)
Be careful, though! This is the first step towards what anon describes!
Shower spider wants to watch you touch yourself
Why don't you people kill and dispose of spiders in your home?
They typically leave me alone, and eat the other bugs that don't leave me alone.
Because I can trap mine in a jar and take it outside instead.
Most of the time that leads to them dying. So if it's about saving them, that's the wrong move.
If it's about getting rid of them without squishing them or something, then that works.
Most of the time that leads to them dying.
Well, squishing has a 100% chance of them dying. With a toddler and a baby, having them run loose sadly isn't an option.
We live in a very mild climate, and there's under-deck and fence space around our house, in addition to bushes, trees, and underbrush
fairly suitable for a variety of arachnids. It's not the same as indoors, and survival rate certainly isn't 100%, but it's not the death sentence of going from a climate controlled house to below-freezing outdoors.
They're actually pretty beneficial (eating other more annoying bugs and all that) and usually not harmful to human residents in any way (except if you live in Australia). Killing them because "aah yuck spiders!" isn't a good enough reason to many
Did our generation forget how caulk and netting works?
unless you hermetically seal your house, bugs will get in, if they want in.
Some small bugs will get through fine mesh.
Open doors and windows let a lot of things in.
But fucked up gappy houses let everything in all the time. You've spent your whole life living in fucked up gappy houses, I'm guessing.
Yeah most new construction is terrible and a lot of older homes need extensive work that people can't afford.
I'm calling it now, some dissertation in the future will be written on spiderbro's place in contemporary culture as an expression of acceptance of widespread low home quality.
Of course exacerbated by a generally low competency in home maintenance, and more importantly a huge renting class with feckless do-nothing-right landlords and limited/unclear permissions to take the issue in their own hands.
I didn't honestly even think about that. Being from the nordics means throwing them outside is the same as killing them most of the year and keeping them all out is kinda impossible, they'll find their way in because outside is cold
*(edit for managing to cut the text in half)
This is one instance where I'd say I'd actually prefer if he had an anime body pillow or real doll he was forming this sort of unhealthy attachment to.
What a freak!
Just fall in-love with AI like a normal person.
(I can't even do that, I literally can't see AI as people)
Loneliness affects people. And as gregariois animals we are, the closest possibility to connect, in any form, is taken.
Y'know... as lonely as I can get (and I get pretty lonely), that mosquito munching on my forearm is still getting a firm slap. Eventually.
Fight malaria when you can!
He's going to let a spider crawl on his penis in the name of gooning isn't he? I really want off this ride.
Bro, if it bites him he will get a spider dick that shoots webs.
The Spiderbro thing should have never started, now see where it has gotten us.
Whatever, more for me
It happened long ago. Closer to you than you think
Least weird greentext I've read for a while.
I had a daddy longlegs in my bathroom for a while. My bathroom exhaust fan broke so the room would get super steamy, and I think the poor spider drowned, because it had clearly died in that spot, hanging from my ceiling.
I still feel a little sad about that spider-bro.
Probably didn't drown but might have gotten infected by mold. There's a reason spiders prefer dry places.
Look, everyone tries to fuck shower spider at some point. It's a rite of passage
view more: next ›