Entrepreneur

Only share achievements not your problems regarding your business. It’s not like she can help you out on giving great business ideas anyways take peoples creditability seriously. If she knows and dabbles in entrepreneurship discuss her reasoning if not you aren’t obligated to do so. Once the success comes in she won’t be negative.

Cool fact: Psychology says that majority people will respond negative to your grand ideas, even if they love you and think it could work because subconsciously they don’t want you to succeed. Always remember this. this is another reason why keeping your ideas to yourself is a good idea.

When telling someone the business your going to start and how your gonna do it. You’ll get one of two reactions. And there both not good here’s why:

1. They react positively, “that’s so awesome wow your so smart”. You get the fake satisfaction that you’ve already done it, this highly demotivates you.

2. They react negatively, “yea but this could happen, it’s totally a huge risk, you shouldn’t do it”. This lowers your belief in yourself demotivates you.

From my experience outside energy not good, private life is a happy life.

Your wife might not be ready to absorb all your entrepreneurial energy.

I get it. We just want to share all our ideas with someone and our partners are an easy target but they might not have signed up for that. They might have chores to worry about or not want to talk about “working” at the end of the day.

What you need to do is find likeminded people by joining a mastermind, finding a mentor, paying for a coach.

Sometimes you literally just need to say things out loud and don’t really need a response, try recording your ideas and thoughts on your phone.

You wouldn’t be leaving your wife out, you’re just directing your energy elsewhere.

"Just start it and figure out the details later" is a little bit of an anti-pattern. Yes, it is generally better to do SOMETHING than to do nothing, as analysis paralysis is a very real problem, but business owners that completely wing it and don't plan for or manage risks that can be identified in advance are setting themselves up for failure.

I helped a friend get a consulting company off the ground a couple years ago. My official title was VP of Risk Management, and I was also responsible for service delivery (cybersecurity consulting). When he would talk about new ideas for the business, I would think through the logistics of what it would take to do it. He chastised me for being negative on more than one occasion, but I never once told him we couldn't do something or that it was a bad idea. I was always supportive and put in the effort to develop the ideas with him. He interpreted me doing my job and planning out what was going to be necessary to implement his ideas, manage risks, and make us successful as being negative.

I'm not suggesting that this is what is happening in your situation, but we, as entrepreneurs, often focus on what I call the "happy path" where things go as we expect them to. Rather than letting your wife's pragmatism bring you down, try to harness it as part of your idea evaluation and risk management process. Create a list of the risks or problems that she foresees and then think through the likelihood that the each event will happen and try to understand the potential impact to your business plan if it does happen. From there, come up with a mitigation plan for each risk in the list. The mitigation plans don't have to be huge, but putting them in writing will get you to think through them in a way that may help her feel more comfortable with the risks that you are taking. Remember, as your wife, those risks do affect her, too. Hopefully validating and addressing her concerns in a more "formal" way will make her feel better about things.

Unless you're going to use mutual funds and/or she already works in business, there is no need for you to share business ideas with her. When you're developing something, the opinions that have more weight, come from people who have already done business or are in the field of the business you want to operate from. You won't always get a yes to everything and there is value in people showing you flaws in the plan or tactic but it has to come from an educated point of view and not speculation. What you need from your wife is to be emotionally supportive, not to be your business analyst.

Yep! 100% in the same boat mate. 🙄

It’s better to try and fail than to not try at all.

So, with people like that, you have to just keep your business to yourself. If I took the advice of the people around me, I would be in the position I’m in today. You have to ignore the advice of people who have not done what you are looking to do. I feel for you because the people you spend the most time with do influence you whether you like it or not. If your 5 closest friends are millionaires, the chances of you being the 6th are very high. Denzel Washington said it best when he was addressing a graduating class at commencement. He said “if you hang around a barbershop long enough sooner or later, you’re going to get a haircut.” Very true.

When I was a sales trainer I would have people come up to me and say, “my wife/husband told me I have 3 months to make this work.” I would tell them, forget the 3 months, I would just quit now because when you look at it like that, you’re already assuming that there will be a problem and you are already blaming the system for what will inevitably fail instead of realizing it’s actually you who will determine that. I would try to seek out like minded people because then you can figure out how to solve problems together. I don’t even tell people what I do anymore. When ask me (when they see my lifestyle and what I drive). I just tell them I do financial stuff. Then I change the subject. If I told them I make just under $1M per year selling Indexed Universal Life policies through the best IMO out there they would think I was speaking a different language because as much as I love them, they are just sheep who will be financial slaves for life working for somebody else and begging for a vacation like a third class citizen.

Also, take action. Don’t wait. All the best!!!

Figure it out later???? Lol, what the hell are you talking about. Literally, the first advice is always to put together a business plan. Being pragmatic is good. People sometimes think k it is negative because they are hyper optimistic. There is a reason why 4 out of 5 businesses fail before even reaching year 3. No, you are being naive.

My wife at first said it wouldn’t work luckily my cost to start was next to nothing and she has since come around and we both believe in ourselves now.

Being self-sufficient may be important for you in ways that she doesn’t even worry about. She may just want to make sure everybody’s comfortable and bills are paid.

Are you always talking and never taking action and doing anything? Get something started before telling her

Is she an asset or a liability?

Smh so why do you keep doing it? Stop trying to make her something she is not

I deal with a similar situation and i don’t have any advice.

I recently found out instead of getting a $1.4m check it’s going to be $325k.

I’m obviously grateful and proud, I’ll have made around 700k this year - but my wife is over the top disappointed.

I don’t know how to handle it other than not telling her things that I’m working on for fear she’ll get ahead of herself.

I think in the same way you manage an employee you probably have to manage your wife.

Step 1 watch the movie the Founder

Step 2 plow ahead and keep going, she’ll ride along or fall of the truck

Prove her wrong. Not pursuing an idea because of someone else's criticism isn't the path a successful entrepreneur takes.

Its better to keep work and business separate to home.

Family can be harsh on dreams! If you want to spend the time you could do what Tim Farris suggests. What is the worst that could happen and work backwards. Sounds like your wife could pick the starting point for that business plan.

Maybe your ideas truly are bad.

Start with a low overhead idea.

Without going into details, I’ve been the wife in this situation.

Great ideas are just that, ideas. My terror is you starting this idea and figuring it out as you go, driving us into debt.

If you don’t have a financial safety net, put those ideas into a notebook and start saving.

‘Just start and figure problems out later’ said no successful person ever. You cannot cover every issue but you gotta have more than an idea.

Since your wife is a naysayer, I'd consider reframing your approach. When you bring ideas to her, ask her 'What needs to be true for this business idea to work?' This refocuses the discussion around the pieces that need to be put in place for success to be achievable. If she reverts to her old habits, try refocusing her on the question above, and if she can't get there, then at least you've tried to include her.

TL/DR: men and women historically have very different appetite for risk when it comes to small business ownership, and it sounds like this whole notion freaks your wife the fuck out. I'd consider having a general discussion about your goals and try to uncover what makes her so fatalistic/negative about this topic. Her dad may have been shit with money, she may not trust you, she might just be a disaster forecaster. Regardless, if you're putting money on the line that she has a say in, you'll want to figure out how to get aligned before diving in. Lack of shared perspective on financial risks and goals is one of the primary reasons marriages fail.

Unfortunately.. leave her out of it.

There’s absolutely things that are figured out after “just starting” however prior to starting does requires preparation and planning. Take her points as things you need to mitigate in your business plan. Start with a small project (part time, less ressource intensive, etc) and build and showcase your progress from there. The more you prove you’re capable, the more she’ll have to believe in you and the less negative feedback you’ll receive. Last point, all constructive feedback should be welcome and not taken as “negative” as it will make you stronger and can be the best “silent” partner you can ever have. Hope this helps!

There's pragmatic in the "how can we address this issue, has this been thought of?" And negative "this has this issue".

I remember reading how Harry Truman’s mother in law never approved of him even though he became President.

It really is a blessing to have someone to tear apart ideas. I used to run an entrepreneur group in Colorado for a few years and we’d have pitch nights and people were always supportive even if the idea was bad. We started realizing that people would then spent time and money on a shit idea and couldn’t figure out why it failed so we changed our pitch night feedback time to require the audience to provide negative feedback or criticize the business model, etc.

It worked great. The few really great ideas had some negative feedback but it was something that could be overcome. The crap ideas got flushed pretty quickly and people were appreciative for having people validate or invalidate their ideas before they sank time into them.

Now that said. I would suggest you ask your wife to the idea and ask her for negative feedback. “Why is this idea bad?” Take lots of notes and after she is done ask her what is good about the idea. Again take notes.

By giving her permission you are taking the sting out of it and also removing her stress of trying to be nice and critical at the same time.

This way you are asking for negative feedback, which is the best kind imho, and your wife has permission to be critical. If she is just trolling ie “it’s stupid…. You can’t do it…etc” then stop asking her advice and find others to validate your idea and maybe look into some marriage counseling.

Huh, everything I’ve read is to start with a business plan. To have a more constructive discussions about the risks present the plan and do a SWOT diagram with her.

She’s wrong and stupid. Iam a business man and I’ll tell you whilst it is better identifying problems before hand. You want these problems to be basic problems like shipping, expenses etc More complex problems require adaptation and experience, plus when you go this way through adaption to the markets you’ll usually find much better solutions as you tend to try harder. Don’t listen to your wife ever when it comes to solutions unless it’s simple as women tend to think in a more simplistic manner, have her deal with the finance and budgeting department in your business to make her happy.

Get a new one.

It's because she's a woman. They're all the same

She's probably being a realist and not negative. I'm the same way and get mistaken for being negative.

Don’t forget, Happy Wife = Happy Life

😂

Never stop believing in yourself. There might be a little jealousy or maybe she’s not happy about something else and she’s lashing out a little bit? Keep being positive and following your dreams.if she loves you she will be happy for you and supportive.

I started my first business at 18. My store was only open for 2 years but I learned a lot, and started another one after that. Its been 13 years. It’s so easy to get caught up in the doubt don’t let negativity bring you down life is to short.

Depends. Do you have children to support? That makes a difference. Do you access to enough funds to launch? What are you doing about medical insurance? Do you have a mortgage and a lot of debt and student loans you are paying off? All those are things you need to think about

Negative people can be pragmatic and creative at the same time. They have a unique ability to approach things from a worst case scenario state of mind and build from there. It could be a good partnership if you are on the overly optimistic side. See if you can engage her to help balance things out and to offer solutions to her negative observations. She may be the best troubleshooter stress tester your ideas could ask for. Ground rules might help keep the hurt feelings at bay. Good luck.

Most of the time it’s just differences in cognitive processing. She doesn’t mean any harm and is most likely is only wired through nature and nurture to see life and problem solving through different lens. I would encourage you to take an MBTI test with her to find out her cognitive style and cater to it for the most productive discussions. You both would indeed benefit from it. From what I’ve read you strike me as an ENTP and she strikes me as an ISTJ so read about the ISTJ type (once verified) and tailor your pitch to how she would best absorb it.

Let her support you in other ways. This is not in her remit. Don't hold it against her either, most wife's are just that (nothing more), and if she's holding up the role of a wife, you're blessed.

Given you've diagnosed her as negative the challenge is going to be taking her criticism with a grain of salt. I get it too, my GF is very negative and risk sensitive. I try to just accept that and see it for what it is instead of getting bummed out by it.

You never wanna be so high on your own supply that you ignore the rammifications. You do however want to be rationally optimistic and have the growth mindset of putting in the work. The most successful entrepeneurs seek out harsh criticism as an important counter-balance to their beliefs so they know the cons as well as the pros.

If you can find a way to learn to accept criticism as the "con" POV then it will be valuable. If you're too early in the process and the negativity will hurt you then you should probably just not discuss it with her.

I'm kind of in the camp of people who say this is a useful person to bounce things off. She is being devil's advocate - that's ok. Understand that. Understand that she is less risk tolerant. But also understand that you have to have answers to the fundamental problems before you start.

Are these "you might go to jail" problems, or are these "you might not make money as fast as you hope" problems? The first need addressing pronto. The second are over-worries.

Is she like this generally or just with your ideas?

I’m willing to bet that is her nature. Pessimistic and low vibrational thoughts. It won’t work for you my friend, she won’t change and for someone clearly looking to progress and move forwards that’ll be extremely hard.

No offence to your wife btw but some people just have that mentality and you should really implement some drastic changes as fast as possible because as I’m sure you’re aware, time is important.