this post was submitted on 30 Sep 2025
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Every time I see that little red number in my inbox, my first thought is: Did I mess up? My brain jumps to the worst-case scenario—maybe I said something controversial, and now everyone’s correcting me and downvoting my stupid comments. Even though, most of the time, the messages are actually helpful and fun, that number still triggers some sort of insecurity and anxiety. The bigger it gets, the louder my worries grow.

Logically, I know I don’t screw up that often, and most feedback is neutral or even positive. But deep down, my insecure monkey brain panics at the thought of being wrong—or worse, publicly called out. Even when I’m right, the number still makes my stress levels spike up. What if people disagree with me? What if they don’t like what I wrote?

And yes, I see the irony in posting this. Writing about it is basically asking for it and feeding the very anxiety I’m trying to ignore. Maybe it’s my version of exposure therapy.

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[–] Strider@lemmy.world 4 points 4 days ago (2 children)

It's like a box of candies...

Surprising constructive discussion or did I clumsily step on someone's ego again?

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[–] beerclue@lemmy.world 4 points 4 days ago (3 children)

I do, and not only on Lemmy, but also Whatsapp, Teams, email etc. It's the fear of screwing up and/or missing out, and a wave of anxiety combs over me when I see a number >0. I've been talking with my therapist about it, there are reasons and methods to overcome this...

[–] sanguinepar@lemmy.world 3 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Same here - any notification, for anything, my immediate assumption is that it's someone who (rightly or wrongly) is angry with me or has bad news, or whatever. It's fucking exhausting.

[–] beerclue@lemmy.world 3 points 4 days ago

I feel you.

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[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 3 points 4 days ago

Teams is hell, on a job we had all teams having their channels (so like 30?) and you were "supposed to follow them" but they churned out hundreds and hundreds of messages every week, add your own channel and emails and gasp your work... So productive.

[–] chaosCruiser@futurology.today 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Wow! Anything above zero? That must be agonizing. At work, I get lots of Teams messages, but I don’t find that so crippling. It’s just social media stuff like Lemmy where I have such mixed feelings about the numbers.

Oh, and sorry for the reply. Hope you can handle it. Here, have some flowers to cheer you up. 💐

[–] beerclue@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Haha, thanks :)

Well, I don't use any social media (besides Lemmy), so that helps :) There are a couple of Whatsapp group chats where I rarely participate, but I muted those, so I don't get any alerts.

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[–] JetpackJackson@feddit.org 3 points 4 days ago

Most of the time it's about owls or art cause that's what I tend to reply to.

[–] corsicanguppy@lemmy.ca 3 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (1 children)
[–] chaosCruiser@futurology.today 1 points 4 days ago

LOL. So, I take it you never mark any of them read. I mean, that's one way to fix the problem, sure.

[–] slazer2au@lemmy.world 3 points 4 days ago (1 children)

No. It means I made the imaginary internet points number that no one cares for go up.

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[–] SaveTheTuaHawk@lemmy.ca 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Never look at my inbox. Not once.

[–] GrammarPolice@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

FUCK YOUUU!!!

Let's see if you see this one

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[–] InvalidName2@lemmy.zip 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Nope. I just go in periodically and click the button to mark all as read. The button doesn't actually verify that I've read them, basically just takes my word for it and then makes the number go away ... kind of in the Lemmy way where it might go away for a second, come back a minute later, go away again for awhile, then come back again for a bit, and then finally truly go away long term, permanently.

Joking aside, I get way too much hostility here on Lemmy for what amounts to making stupid boomer-style jokes and sharing personal anecdotes, so I don't even bother reading replies in my inbox anymore. I find my time on Lemmy is much more cathartic and enjoyable this way. Sadly, that does mean I probably miss out on some discussions or responses to questions I've asked, but at least I don't generally ever even see the nastiness and negativity towards me when I'm just here for a mostly light-hearted break from reality. And that works for me. After all, haters gonna hate, don't mean I gotta participate.

[–] chaosCruiser@futurology.today 1 points 4 days ago

Let me guess, you throw those light-hearted boomer jokes in political threads. I prefer to avoid places like that, since they bring me no happiness. For me, the web is a place to chill, a balancing force to the dull reality of normal life. Sticking with nicer places makes the web serve my purposes.

Anyway, that's yet another very interesting way to use Lemmy and its inbox. I'm learning so much from people in this thread, so thanks for opening my eyes. If I had kept my mouth shut, expecting everyone to use Lemmy the way I do, I would never have found out.

[–] Tracaine@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago

I've never experienced that. I can't imagine it would worry me either way though. The internet isn't real life. It literally doesn't matter. I'd have as much concern as if I saw unread notifications in a video game.

[–] Diva@lemmy.ml 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

I only clear my inbox every few months, I like to see how big I can get the number

[–] chaosCruiser@futurology.today 2 points 4 days ago

That is very interesting. Talking to people about weird things like this shows me that we use the same tools in very different ways. For example, many people prefer to look at the "all" feed and filter it with an ever expanding black list. I do the exact opposite, which is to use a reasonably short white list. Just ignore the "all" feed for the most part, focus more on the "subscribed" feed, and you get what you want.

Now I can see that people don't even use the notification inbox the same way. If there's an alternate way to do things, some people are going to do it that way.

[–] _cryptagion@anarchist.nexus 2 points 4 days ago

No, because I don’t give a shit if people don’t like what I have to say and decide to be petulant about it.

[–] WindyRebel@lemmy.world 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Your name is chaosCruiser. Fucking embrace the chaos!

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[–] plactagonic@sopuli.xyz 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

Last week this happened!

I didn't remember writing the post, nothing offensive I was just asking about good boardgames to play drunk. It was bit surprising seeing the notifications.

[–] prex@aussie.zone 3 points 4 days ago (2 children)

Now I want to see that thread, you must have got some beauties.
What was the top suggestion?

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[–] cactus_head@programming.dev 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

God, so much this, and thinking you are crazy for thinking that while also knowing on surface level, a lot of other people feel the same way

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[–] lemmyknow@lemmy.today 2 points 4 days ago (1 children)

At 324 and going, I don't think I care much. I just don't interact with many, and don't mark read without interacting. So they remain

[–] chaosCruiser@futurology.today 1 points 4 days ago

That's an interesting strategy. Looks like we are using the inbox in very different ways.

[–] urheber@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 4 days ago

It tingles my nervea

[–] Perspectivist@feddit.uk 2 points 4 days ago

At worst it's bunch of strangers on the other side of the world saying mean things to a person they know nothing about. I might lose a small part of the little faith I have left in humanity but I take none of it personally.

[–] Reverendender@sh.itjust.works 2 points 4 days ago

Occasionally. Then I tell myself that screwing up on the internet, and especially Lemmy is basically, “Oh no! Anyway…” Most people wasn’t remember your username 5 minutes after they rage at you, if they ever read it to begin with. And no one knows who you are in real life of course. That said, I do still feel like an idiot when someone takes issue with something I said that I wasn’t necessarily certain was the right thing to say, or that agreed with popular sentiment. It doesn’t always work for making my monkey brain feel better, but it usually works at least somewhat.

i get dopamine.

[–] Fyrnyx@kbin.melroy.org 2 points 4 days ago

No.

Unless it's going to be full of assholes with shitty replies for me to block from, then it's a chore.

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