What is wrong with straight people? Are they okay?
No dad it's not hormones I just accidentally tapped my card at the store and instantly grew a set of boobs.
this post was submitted on 05 Nov 2025
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Paying for things is feminine. You should punch the cashier and shout “this is mine!” like a real man.
/s, obviously
Is this satire?
I fucking hope so
But I suspect it isn’t.
Given the wording "confident and penetrative thrust", I think it must be satire.
I checked out the Twitter account. I think it's clearly a joke, but the guy is a big Trump supporter so I'd say he does ultimately believe the rhetoric behind the joke. Therefore, not satire.
I overestimate people...
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Instructions unclear, my penis is stuck in a card reader and I have a lifetime ban from Chipotle.
Can someone make a shitty shop of a card reader with a card in it and a aheago face please?
Sure thing
Topic, I love you it’s perfect!
Thank you, its beautiful
I hear the newer versions now like it in the receipt hole.
Also: who needs AI....a text prompt leading to the creation of a new image. You've seen it here folks.
What is wrong with straight people? Are they okay?
Why are y'all taking this seriously?
there are a non zero amount of straight guys who saw this and will never tap their card ever again
Doesn't make this any less of an obvious joke
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There's no hope for any who do.
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When I was a cashier, there was definitely a subset of people - usually the same people wearing maga hats - who did refuse to use the tap. They believed it was insecure. I looked it up, it's slightly more secure than the chip (if only because contactless systems are not yet susceptible to counterfeit card reader attachments).
It was pretty annoying too, because I was frequently stationed at a register that had a broken chip reader. Some people would get frustrated very quickly and, like, start rage-jamming the card into the machine repeatedly. It's kind of scary how many people go from 0-60 unhinged at checkout.
After learning about the security aspect, and because of that broken reader, I made it a point to educate everyone I could about the tap. A lot of people aren't even aware their card can do that stuff.
I exercise ultimate security by just having no money. If anybody manages to open the Pandora's Box that is my bank account, best of luck to them.
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This pairs well with my draft article “Penetration fascination slows wireless charging adoption”
As a straight person, I can safely say "no". Please send help
broke: tapping your card
woke: thrusting it
bespoke: not making any contact with the terminal to assert dominance
bespoke: not making any contact with the terminal to assert dominance
Doesn't tapping fall under that?
Tapping implies making contact, in my brain at least. Tap = sound = contact
If I pay cash, does that make me nonbinary?
Depends, do you gayly slide it over or do you slam it on the counter, breaking it?
How does one slam a bill on the counter breaking it?
Ohhhhh... Were you talking about breaking the counter?
The bill collides into the counter with such force that both immediately disintegrate into a cloud of hot plasma.
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No, it makes you suspicious. Only criminals pay in cash, and the FBI wants to ask you a few questions.
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There is nothing more fragile than the masculinity of "bros" who worship masculinity.
For true contactless payment I do neither. I just hover my card / handset near the reader.
Is there something I should know about myself?
Yes. That you should be waving it over the reader and saying "you don't require payment" loud enough for the cashier to hear
this isn't the credit card you're looking for
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This guy has definitely fucked a chip reader.
I mean, we all have. Right?
I stopped fingering one to type this and now its doing the error beep.
the seconds sentence is like satire but it's twitter so idk
Real men take what they want and don't apologize. If you're not serving 25-life for multiple petty robberies that escalated to attempted murder for no discernible reason other than insecurity about your dick size then you're not a real man.
Here's exactly what my feed looks like. I'd say this is further evidence that the straights are not okay.
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That is so needlessly and intensely erotic
Penetrative thrust into the chip reader 😩
I do the thrust, but it's because I'm old and forget that tapping is an option.
Nonsense. You assert dominance by laying your credit dick across its POS face. Nothing fem about that.
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