Operation Everything Will Go Well.
this post was submitted on 03 Mar 2026
1106 points (99.8% liked)
Programmer Humor
31275 readers
2171 users here now
Welcome to Programmer Humor!
This is a place where you can post jokes, memes, humor, etc. related to programming!
For sharing awful code theres also Programming Horror.
Rules
- Keep content in english
- No advertisements
- Posts must be related to programming or programmer topics
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
"We already planned the first kid's birth date for 9 months after the wedding"
CEO: Use AI to help and get it done in 3!
Hire two additional brides to bring it down from 9 to 3 months, then tell them to use AI to get it down to 1. Meanwhile, the baby was expected yesterday.
sure we can handle that
"If we assign 4 more women to this pregnancy, we can get the birth done 3 months sooner!"
Don't worry tho I've already made a wedding ring out of sticks
MVP baby
we'll iterate with the client until it fits
Management will promote you if you say you used AI to do it in front of the customer and that it worked.
So I assume you already got the matching t-shirts?
T-shirts, hats, pens and a commemorative
timeline slide deck!
Next week, we will spend 3 days trying to get the product team to pick out a dress only for them to insist that the one that is way too small "will fit" and that the dev can just "alter it real quick and it will be fine." Even despite loud protests from the dev team that they cannot alter it and it will not be fine.
Spoiler alert: it wasn't fine.
I got in trouble last time I suggested we should have a research phase and POC before we commit to heard deadlines.
I once ran afoul of our UX guy for suggesting that we run our design past a focus group before implementing it. Dude literally said "users don't know what they want".
Ask 10 users and get 10 different answers.
Some UX is counter intuitive.
I agree with them. You might survey for pain points before the change, but once you've built something, you're not asking users for whether it's perfect
run our design past a focus group before implementing it
once you’ve built something, you’re not asking users for whether it’s perfect
The UX guy is the one I'm agreeing with
That's obvious. I'm pointing out that your logic doesn't support your opinion.
I hate how accurate this is.
Are there dev jobs where things are allowed to just take the time they take? Asking for a friend.
Yes. Try jobs where you just develop internal software for big companies. Not guaranteed, but not unheard of either.
I had a job like that back in the day (circa 2000). I remember one stretch where for a solid month around 50 developers did nothing but call in to Who Wants To Be a Millionaire? to try to become a contestant. Ironically, one web app I wrote for them (with Visual Basic and "Classic" ASP) is still in use today -- and it was a front end for a mainframe system that dated to the 1980s, which means that's still up and running as well.
Actually now that you mention it I kinda had a job like that for a brief period (though not at a very big company). It was a very chill (almost too much so), zero stress maintenance job, but it paid sooo much less than the one I have now (like a third of the money) that I probably couldn't go back and still make ends meet even if I wanted to.
Not a job but it’s called a hobby project.
Government.
Now invite random people to help you with wedding.
Sent this to my PO, he replied that's exactly how we're working 🙃
Funnily enough, this is also the framework for those reality TV shows. It's the move fast and break things approach that seems to be entertaining in a morbid way... So clearly the solution is to monetize your project (mis)management as entertainment!
The Office: Software Startup Edition