Unpopular Opinion

Small talk, obligations etc. can leads to deep talk, real friendships and platonic and romantic love.

Learn some semi-eccentric small talk. When you get to know what someone works with, there is always something to learn. No exceptions. Don't play entirely by social norms and rules, just ask non-invasive questions about their lives, hobbies, work etc. Example: "As a elevator technician, what security mechanisms exist? What prevents it from falling if the wires fail?", "As a pharmacist what kinds of medicines is it that are a lot more popular than many would assume? Which is truly prescribed more than expected?"

There is guaranteed something you can ask that are interesting. Talking to someone about having kids can be interesting, feel free to get a little personal. "Was it difficult when he/she was a baby?" "What is it you like the most about being a parent?"

Politics can be a lot of fun, but needs to be kept to two parties always, never more at the time. It should also be an open and safe place, even if that person is a bit of a bigot. Just ask why they dislike x, y, z. You can always say "I don't really care that they are x. It don't really affect my life in any way, so I think that as long as they don't hurt anyone they should be left alone. I care more about z (corporate greed, exploitation, poverty, corruption etc)"

After a while you can get into the juicy stuff that creates connections and the deep conversations. This is where you want to be. Why bother with being stuck in the small-talk zone. God it's boring, but it is where both parties learn to feel safer with eachother.

As long as it is not offensive, its mostly just fun for both parties to skip past the most boring parts. Most people are cool and chill.

Stay away from discussions about abortion, domestic violence, suicide and rape. Pretty much everything else is okay-ish.

I find it enjoyable if I know the people well (close friends, coworkers I like and interact with a lot, family). I have social anxiety problems, and am probably a bit on the spectrum, so I do find socially interacting with people I'm not close to stressful and exhausting. I don't really try to "mask" anymore, except for things like job interviews. I'm just a quiet person that doesn't talk very much. I wish I enjoyed social interaction more and was more social, as I do generally like people; just don't like being around them.

Its mostly fun when its not obligation but it can be an obligation and still fun. It nice to say hi or wave or do a nice little thing for someone or whatever. I mean I like animals to.

Unironically, have you been diagnosed with autism?

For me it's like this. I envoy a person's vicinity. Even several I already know and want as long as they're compatible to me and each other.

I have so many questions and points to raise.

1. Did you always feel like this since childhood, as long as you can remember? Or is this something that has developed over time.

2. As others are saying I would go seek a diagnosis, as at least SOME interactions should NOT feel like pure obligation.

3. More specifically, if you have always felt like this see point 2. But If you have not always felt like this, look back to see that last person you actually enjoyed interacting with. What made that interaction different from all the rest of your interactions?

4. Mostly, as I dont want this to be TOO much of an echo-chamber, I enjoy interacting with lots of people that I care about ... and I care about a LOT of people. Mind you I dont enjoy interacting with everyone. But I have made it a goal, at least in the past, to find something interesting in everyone.

5. I dont think its necessary to life to enjoy interacting with everyone, BUT ... ... if you dont find anyone you can interact with and find it to be a pleasurable experience then you probably either need some help or need to find new people to associate with.

6. I'm not sure how i turned out this way, but I just dont give a @#%$(@#&* about what other people think about me (unless i respect them!). So I've lived my life in a way that has made me happy, mostly outside of the norms of society.

7. Yes, to some degree we have to be different for different situations, but I'd argue that they are just different facets of who i am. I'm no more false when I'm at work than when I'm hanging with my friends or chilling with my partner.

8. I have no clue if you will even ever read this, but if i could suggest one thing that MIGHT be the tiniest bit helpful, try finding ways to help people out. Compliment people (but only when you really mean it). Find ways to be kind. Interactions are only meaningful when they are real.

Maybe ill get slaughtered for this post. But the disconnect makes me sad.

Wow my homie. This is a really sad thing to read. I'm not very social myself, but what I do get, I love. Have you ever been in love with someone? Had a best friend? Maybe you've only ever encountered jerks and morons. I'll admit I only have found like 10 people my whole life that I really love interacting with. But for those I still am in touch with, it's like, one of the best things about life. It's up there with food, orgasms, and art. I only ever have authentic interactions. I aggressively cut off all fake people or stupid people with very high standards. But my few friends, I looooove them. It's crazy to me to see someone thinking like your post, because I consider myself a fairly hermetic person. I mean I agree most socializing is a painful waste of life. But that stuff isn't even worthy of being under the same banner as the good stuff. I really hope you can find someone you love spending time with. I would advise you that it is super worthwhile and not to think otherwise.

“You wouldn’t know it, from some of the things I’ve said over the years, but I like people. I do. I like people, but I like them in short bursts.  I don’t like people for extended periods of time. I’m ok with them for a short period of time, but once you get up past around a minute, minute and a half, I gotta get the fuck out of there. And my reason for this is one that you may share, possibly — I have a low tolerance level for stupid bullshit.”

• George Carlin

You're gonna wear a bit of a mask with everyone, whether you're aware of it or not. That doesn't mean you're not yourself, you're just yourself in a particular context.

Ideally, you want a manageable group of people with similar enough interests that the mask doesn't have to be that thick, and there's not so much switching. A lot of casual socializing is in part searching for that group. That's when socializing really becomes enjoyable.

Additionally, intoxicants can make everyone a bit more tolerant of unmasked behavior, which is one reason they're so popular.

It varies on the interaction. I enjoy the majority of my social interactions.

Honestly, I do feel you OP.

While I can tolerate large gatherings and small talk, I really don't enjoy them at all. It can be overwhelming and exhausting at times, and IMO I'd rather be at home alone than do those things.

The only reason I like where I work is because I get on really well with the two other people in my office.

And that leads to the kind of social interaction I actually enjoy - socialising and doing things in small groups with people I know well.

I'm not suggesting this'll be your panacea, but perhaps you need to find that for yourself. A small group of trusted friends you can just let yourself relax with.

The only times I enjoyed it involved lots of really fun party drugs and lots of really fun parties.

I'm probably lucky I got it all out of my system when I did tbh, I doubt the good clean party drugs are as cheap, high quality and plentiful as they once were, and I was really hot back then with the spare cash for cool clothes and regular benders.

I've been back to basically being the human equivilent of an indoor cat again for a good long while now though and sometimes writing things on the internet with/to/for the gay nerds who live in my phone, is perfectly valid people-ing imo.