this post was submitted on 12 Jun 2026
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 152 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Wolf: "W...What the.... brain overloads from getting pet like a good boy"

[–] CIA_chatbot@lemmy.world 158 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Wolf: I hope this doesn’t awaken something in me

[–] WhyIHateTheInternet@lemmy.world 68 points 1 week ago

I wonder if those humans have any more of those delicious pastries

[–] SillyDude@lemmy.zip 130 points 1 week ago (16 children)

This feel oddly real and heterosexual, I don't like it

[–] SalmiakDragon@feddit.nu 33 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Don't worry, I'm pretty sure it's fake (and gay)

[–] Regrettable_incident@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Yeah, it was really a spaniel, and he didn't 'pat its back' with his hand.

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[–] Corkyskog@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 week ago

I have someone related to me that took in a stray Maine Coon cat that was actually a Bob cat and they didn't find out until the first vet visit. I think it had to go to some zoo or like Sanctuary place because they had it for quite a while and were feeding it like regular wet cat food.

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[–] teyrnon@sh.itjust.works 96 points 1 week ago (4 children)

Ha ha, "looks like he's going to call HR for inappropriate contact"

For the record, there has never been a documented attack of a healthy wolf on a person in North America. Obviously if they get rabies or distemper or something all bets are off.

[–] Lauchmelder@feddit.org 98 points 1 week ago (4 children)

There's also never been a documented case of a wolf contacting HR

[–] Kimjongtooill@sh.itjust.works 43 points 1 week ago

There would be NDAs involved, so take that data with a grain of salt.

[–] Kanda@reddthat.com 23 points 1 week ago

That's because HR will anonymise the contact data before publishing

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 11 points 1 week ago

depends on how many furries are in your company

[–] cypherpunks@lemmy.ml 10 points 1 week ago

that may be true but you should consider that HR departments are notorious for failing to document complaints from members of socially-disadvantaged groups

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 30 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

Another element that could be at play here:

He thought it was a dog.

Dogs, because we domesticated them, have muscles around their eyes, that allow them to make eye/eyebrow expressions.

Wolves do not have these. Because they're the ones we did not domesticate for millenia.

So, if he was expecting dog expressions... wolves literally cannot make the same facial expressions.

They essentially always look like they have RBF, in comparison to a dog.

[–] ikidd@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 6 days ago

It's thought the species we domesticated was distinct from wolves of today. That species went extinct in the wild.

[–] Tonava@sopuli.xyz 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Interestingly some dog breeds also still lack those muscles, like huskies

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Huh! You're right, I did not know that.

Huskies are... much closer to being actual wolves though, genetically speaking.

Seems like this applies to malamutes and samoyeds as well...?

[–] Tonava@sopuli.xyz 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I wonder do dingoes have them. I haven't been able to find any information on that yet

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 6 days ago (1 children)

My, ahem, blind guess would be probably not, as they've... not been widely and thoroughly domesticated for 20,000+ years?

[–] Tonava@sopuli.xyz 1 points 6 days ago (1 children)

Oh the genetic confirmation for dingoes to have arrived in Australia is about 8000 years ago these days. So it's about when did the extra muscles evolve and in which genetic lines? Dingoes and the new guinea singing dog are traced to have come from the wolves domesticated in Asia, so I guess they wouldn't have them unless they evolved independently or the genes spread before they got separated in Guinea and Australia? But then do japanese breeds also not have them since they're from the same lines probably? I don't know, there's just too little information online. Or if there's more, I can't find it

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 6 days ago* (last edited 6 days ago)

No idea what the more precise timeline is, for when and where dogs started having eyebrow muscles.

Maybe if we did something comparable to the Human Genome Project, but for dogs, we could figure it out, lol?

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 26 points 1 week ago

There have been documented healthy wolf attacks in North America. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_wolf_attacks_in_North_America

Some on the list are rabid, but the list also includes both captive and predative wolf attacks, including fatalities.

[–] Talentlesssculptor@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago (6 children)

You are wrong. Candice Berner, Kenton Carnegie and Marc Leblond were all deemed to have been killed by healthy wolves.

There have been at least 24 non-fatal wolf attacks by healthy wolves since 2000 in north America alone: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_wolf_attacks_in_North_America

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[–] TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world 65 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 43 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Meanwhile cats just showed up, said that they live here now. 10,000 years later, cats run the internet and more or less still the same genetically for the past 10,000 years.

[–] TankovayaDiviziya@lemmy.world 45 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] ShaggySnacks@lemmy.myserv.one 1 points 5 days ago

People get a dog to feel like a god. People get a cat so they have a god sitting on their chest meowing at them for food at 6 am.

[–] sp3ctr4l@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (2 children)

They kill rats.

Keep the granaries uninfested.

And roughly half of them also carry a parasite that rewires the brain/neurological DNA of humans via epigenetic manipulation.

Also they can be adorable.

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[–] HootinNHollerin@lemmy.dbzer0.com 27 points 1 week ago (1 children)

The wolf his pack now calls Poptart

[–] GraniteM@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

"It was one time!"

[–] chuckleslord@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago (3 children)

No, you made a wild wolf more dangerous as it has now received food after being near a human. That wolf will now approach more people to get food.

Dog domestication took centuries to millenia. And the most dangerous predators are those that are descended from domestic or near domestic animals.

[–] LH0ezVT@sh.itjust.works 2 points 5 days ago

Yup, some people recommend actually scaring wild animals away and not attracting them, for exactly that reason. A wolf that has learned that hanging out with humans means food becomes a safety risk and is likely going to be shot one way or the other.

The kid didn't know, of course. But we should let wild animals be wild animals, and get our stone-age desire to pet wolves from some wolf sanctuary or something, where the wolves are used to humans anyway.

[–] SkaveRat@discuss.tchncs.de 38 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Both are true. Curious wolves approaching humans and getting/stealing food was very likely the first step in domestication.

At the same time, it still holds true that it is dangerous

[–] Frozengyro@lemmy.world 15 points 1 week ago

Yup, plus the friendlier ones were more likely to get fed, mean ones more likely to get killed, which resulted in more or less offspring like them. Do that for generations and voila, you're now a French bulldog

[–] Saapas@piefed.zip 10 points 1 week ago

Anon is beastmaster, creating danger wolves

[–] ZILtoid1991@lemmy.world 13 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Wolves can get rabies, that can be a factor for being more willing to socialize with people.

[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago (2 children)
[–] prenatal_confusion@feddit.org 9 points 1 week ago

TIL: I definitely don't have rabies.

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