Ask Lemmy

They treat you like they should be treating everybody but don't.

This is a well known experience for both men and women. There are many reddit threads about this as well.

Almost every human will treat someone sexually appealing much, much better. And for women, it's mostly about being thin, and for men, having a bit of muscles, being tall and having a confident personality.

Both men and women, but specially women, notice how they start to feel invisible in society in their 40s or 50s because they lose their attractive surface. People treat them very differently when they do.

If you have never been very attractive, it's not a big difference, but if you were, it's a massive difference. It's so big and noticable that it can cause depression.

But it's not in every culture. Eastern cultures are not as bad.

Could be a combo of your weight loss catching somebody's fancy, but also you yourself may be exuding more happiness which they return with smiles.

I'm stuck in the opposite situation right now. I spent my whole life being skinny-fit. That's thanks to undiagnosed ADHD, which kept me bursting at the seams with energy 24/7. I was always running everywhere, biking, canoeing, hiking, doing martial arts and gymnastics, climbing trees, buildings, etc. I had a natural 8-pack without ever going to the gym. I used to get lots of attention and compliments, and I would turn heads in public pretty frequently.

I never had a big head about my looks growing up. I never really noticed I was all that attractive, I just thought I was "normal." It wasn't until I started losing it that it really hit me.

I broke my leg in my late 20s. Motorcycle accident. It was pretty bad, and my job at the time (US military) rushed me to get back to work and back into the gym ASAP, which meant it didn't heal well. I've basically had leg pain ever since, which has severely restricted my physical activity and almost got me kicked out of the military. Both my legs were compromised; I spent several years walking with a cane before knee surgery finally got me back on my feet unassisted. But I'm still dealing with non-stop aches and pains.

Adding to that... I fell down the stairs in my 30s and messed up my back, so now I basically hurt all the time every time I try to move anywhere. I'm 100% Permanent & Total disabled, according to the VA. I can still walk normally and I don't look disabled if you meet me. But I'm basically in minor pain all the time, just from existing.

As a consequence, exercising has become an extreme challenge and I found myself gaining weight over the years of inactivity. I'm already 75 lbs heavier than my target weight and it's really showing in my gut and face. Swimming is pretty much the only exercise I can do with minimal pain, but I hate swimming. So motivating me to go to the pool has been near impossible and I'm just packing on the pounds now.

I've noticed that people don't give me much attention anymore. I haven't turned heads in public in almost a decade now and people don't go out of their way to help me anymore. Folks are more blunt and rude with me, which hurts because I've spent my life trying to foster positive and uplifting communication with everyone I meet.

Also, at 42 years old, I'm finally starting to show my age. On top of the weight gain, my hair is turning gray and receding, and I'm growing large quantities of unsightly hair everywhere else. People treat me like a tired old man now, not a young fit man. I'm having to come to terms with the fact that, even if I do get back in shape somehow, I'll never truly be attractive again. Now that I'm aware of what I once had, it's already gone. I dunno, maybe that's just part of my midlife crisis, but it's been one of my bigger struggles in recent years, having to adjust to a new me who doesn't reflect the me I see myself as. I feel trapped in an ugly body with weights tied to every limb. Every little bit of movement is a painful struggle and it's frustrating.

Biggest difference was at the doctor's office:

Fat me: Doctor, I've been shot!
Doctor: Have you tried losing weight? That's clearly the problem.

Thin me: Doctor, I've been shot!
Doctor: Well your bloodwork looks great, nothing to do here.

I haven't been skinny since I was a child, so I can't relate. But it would feel very weird if people started noticing me more. I'd probably find it annoying, to be honest. Good job with the weight loss!

Welcome to pretty privilege, beautiful

Yes my friend the world is cruel and shallow, and your looks are a multiplier for all of your opportunities. Go forth and make people happy just by seeing you

I had the opposite experience. When I was younger and a very muscular 170 I did ok with women. When I got older and COVID closed my gym I put on a lot of weight, about 240 at my highest, but being older and having figured myself out a lot more I have fewer women turning heads on the street but women I actually talk to were FAR more interested in me.

People have their preferences and I’m sure more people prefer fit partners over not, but often the biggest factor in this change you’ve experienced might not be the weight loss itself, but the confidence it gave you.

Definitely. I started taking karate in 11th grade and went from almost 300lbs down to 200.

I became visible at that point. People noticed me and talked to me. When I went to college, girls were pursuing ME. It was all very new and strange to me, and I definitely missed some opportunities, just because I didn't always understand when people were flirting with me. It just wasn't anything I had experienced before.

I'm old and fat again, but I think being fit for a while taught me how to project "thin guy energy". Fat is not just a state of body, it's also a state of mind.

absolutely! I went from 378lbs to 190lbs in just over 2 years and everyone was way nicer. women, (and men), flirted with me. workers in stores offered to help me more often. I got a raise. everyone treated me differently. even long time friends wanted to hang out more often than normal. then life happened, I gained back up to 302lbs. once again, I'm invisible. people rarely talk to me other than just a "good morning". but, I'm back on keto and fasting so soon I'll be back to my former glory.

For those who lost weight, what was it like for you? Did people start treating you differently?

Yes, I immediately started noticing a change in people... as well as in myself (feeling more confident for the most stupid reason: the way people would look at me). Because the real trick is that it's not just 'them' being weird, it's us.

I had to reteach myself to behave like I used to but I kept on losing weight (not thin by any mean but not the obese dude I had been for so many years), because that was what I needed to do in order to preserve what remained of my health.

First off, congrats on shedding so much excess mass! Second off, ignore BMI, it is a shit metric.